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Please don't go that route. She would resent you forever.
Have you asked her exactly why she wants the third child? maybe she is just having baby fever and has kind of forgotten about the sleepless nights etc. Also she is in her late 30's so its going to be harder on her physically. I was only 34 when I gave birth to my third and almost a year later I am still exhausted.
I agree that it isn't an optimal solution, but given that it's the only option many men have in terms of birth control I do think it is a viable choice. If she WANTS a baby so bad, she'll make it happen. It doesn't make either scenario right, just a possibility.
The counseling helped before, maybe go back and cover this specific issue. You guys are going round and round on your own - maybe someone else can help get to the right talking points and questions to bring it to resolution.
It is possible it may never resolve unfortunately. Compromise is important but obviously in this case compromise is not really possible (you can't have 1/3 of a baby is what I mean).
I have friends who disagreed over a 3rd. They ultimately did get pregnant....and had twins.
That's right they could end up with 4. I have friends who had one child and then needed IVF to conceive. They wanted 1 more child and instead they got TRIPLETS
Maybe you could suggest to your wife that you guys may end up with twins. There is always a chance. If that doesn't change her mind I don't know what would.
Last edited by KylieEve; 09-22-2010 at 02:53 PM..
Reason: .
Thanks, yes I have 2 so I know what another child means. My wife is trying to paint a picture that I know is not the reality. Another child is a big deal, and stress and sleep deprivation I just don't want to do again.
Actually because i feel the way i do, I am really afraid of having a child and not wanting it and all the problems that could cause. I am a committed and good farther to our 2 and the thought of having a child (that I didn't want) just doesn't sit well with me. I can't imagine that being me.
I have three as well, 5 (almost 6), a 2 year old and an 11 month old. The increase in work to take care of 3 is exponential. You no longer are dealing with one on one situations, everything is a group effort and it takes real effort to spend time with each kid individually. At one point we thought two was tough, but now when one of the kids is visting a grandparent or something, it feels like a vacation. I don't recommend anyone having children they don't want, but adding an unwanted third is really bad as there is a lot of extra work that goes into it.
And look at it from a financial perspective. You can give two children more than you can three. I hate to say to convince your wife to not have a third child, but I'm just thinking of the child and if you're not ready or don't ever want a third then don't do it.
I'm in the reverse situation and want to just have two, while my husband wants to go for a third. He stops talking about it though because he knows that you can't convince per se a person to have another child if they really don't want to. Because you have to think of the child in the end.
I have three as well, 5 (almost 6), a 2 year old and an 11 month old. The increase in work to take care of 3 is exponential. You no longer are dealing with one on one situations, everything is a group effort and it takes real effort to spend time with each kid individually. At one point we thought two was tough, but now when one of the kids is visting a grandparent or something, it feels like a vacation. I don't recommend anyone having children they don't want, but adding an unwanted third is really bad as there is a lot of extra work that goes into it.
Yeah I see myself right there. I don't know if you wanted the third but I already know i don't. Plus we have limited Grandparent options which makes 'vacation' time difficult.
I have three as well, 5 (almost 6), a 2 year old and an 11 month old. The increase in work to take care of 3 is exponential. You no longer are dealing with one on one situations, everything is a group effort and it takes real effort to spend time with each kid individually. At one point we thought two was tough, but now when one of the kids is visting a grandparent or something, it feels like a vacation. I don't recommend anyone having children they don't want, but adding an unwanted third is really bad as there is a lot of extra work that goes into it.
You said it NJGOAT. Our kids are almost the same ages. Having 3 kids is not for sissies LOL its really really hard. I laugh at people with 2 kids who complain about how busy they are.
The increase in work to take care of 3 is exponential
I've heard this same thing from my friends who have 3. They also mention that so many things are set up for families of 4 that one extra makes a difference even in things as obscure as purchasing a kitchen table set (table and 4 chairs). Fitting 3 carseats into a sedan is not as easy. Booths at restaurants? Not so much....All those little, "inconsequential" things add up and make things harder to deal with...I would add also though that many many of my friends, whose 3rd children tended to be "oops" babies....say that child is the easiest and most pleasant of their kids and they don't know what they'd do without them... (not sure about the twins though LOL)
I think two to three is a big jump. Going from 3 to 4 for me of course added more work but it did not seem as shockingly different. Three kids is such a shift in how you do things as a parent that a fourth gets incorporated into your new way of doing things instead of being an instance of reinventing the wheel (which is sometimes what adding a 3rd can do).
And I have heard the same thing from moms of ginormous families - about once you get past #3, its all the same. I cannot imagine but its not my life so I will take their word for it.
The counseling helped before, maybe go back and cover this specific issue. You guys are going round and round on your own - maybe someone else can help get to the right talking points and questions to bring it to resolution.
It is possible it may never resolve unfortunately. Compromise is important but obviously in this case compromise is not really possible (you can't have 1/3 of a baby is what I mean).
You know I suggested we go back to the counselor and most likely it'll help to some extent but you're probably right, it may never resolve. It seems like a no win. She'll resent me for not letting her go the 3rd and the if we have a 3rd, well that could be disastrous unless i can change my point of view and want it. But you know we've been going round on this for a good 18 months now and I don't even have an inkling of feeling like its a good idea
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