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1) Who pays the rent?
2) How do you absolutely know they aren't making her uncomrtoable? What is she saying they do? Are you throwing her concerns to the wind when she expresses them to you or taking her words for what they are and addressing the issue with your family and her?
3) Has she helped out? Does she clean, help your mom around the house? Does she cook and take care of the home?
I've been on the side your GF is on. It sucks and I only had to live with the mom, here there is another person, grandma. Of course her space has been invaded and she feels that the house is no longer her sanctuary, whether your mom makes fun of her or not. I need my space and looks like she does too. I don't know if spending 5-8 hours at the bar is an exaggeration or not, but I can relate to that too. I started drinking when GF's mom was living with us. It was the only way I could tolerate the misery I was in. And her mom wasn't even that bad, it was just that my privacy, my sanctuary had been taken away. I was so stressed it was unbearable. After a few months I told my GF that after the lease expires, we're moving on our own.
GF sounds like she has a lot of issues not related to your relationship -- lost job, some overdrinking. She's decided that perhaps the reason for all these problems is your mother and grandmother. Umm . . . no. The reason for all these problems is that she doesn't have a job and has some issues that she hasn't figure out how to handle appropriately, and so she goes and drinks and for a little while so that it goes away, and blames your family when it doesn't.
If I were you, I'd be insisting on counseling for her alone or as a couple -- and a job, ANY job. She sounds like she's checked out, mentally and is kinda drifting. It's not jealousy or attention, and I doubt it's you.
OP -You might want to have a long, serious talk with your girlfriend. Have that talk far away from your house and at a place where no alcohol will be served..
You and she are just not on the same page. Yes, she is under stress, from not working and losing her parents. But it may be way deeper than that. It may be that she had very different expectations for your relationship with her. Perhaps she thought your relationship was moving toward marriage & eventually children. In other words, you and she creating a new little family.
Instead, a mom & grandma moved in. Instead of having an apartment with you and plans for the future with you, now you & she have a room. Seriously, teenagers have a room to share, little kids have a room to share. Adults who rented the apartment don't have free run of the place 24/7 anymore. You're now relegated to a room.
She may be bitterly disappointed in how her life and her relationship with you are going. She may feel at a dead end. She may see into the future and see only another 20-30 years of your female relatives living with the two of you. Instead of being # 1 woman in your life, she may feel she is # 3. This may not be what she wants. I also suspect, as others have suggested, that you never discussed the situation with her.
Are you of a nationality or ethnicity where it is typical of older relatives to move in with their children ? Is she of one, where this may not be typical. She may have expected you to set up mom & grandma in senior housing with all the financial help from various social services they could get. Moving in with the two of you forever may have been at the bottom of her list of possibilities.
Unless you can resolve this situation with her, unless you two can find some sort of compromise, I don't see much hope for your relationship. She's already off to bars, where she is self medicating with booze and where she could possibly come into contact with other men. Good luck, because you have a really dreadful relationship problem going on with your girlfriend.
She does pay the rent, she is on disability/fmla currently but pays the rent while I pay all utilities. She says she can't help with the house duties because of her health (asthma, injuries, and undiagnosed illness.)
She has several times also insisted my family are talking about her/making fun of her/against her when none of this had happened.
We talked about them moving in and mutually agreed it was the right thing to do for my grandmother and also thought having my mother here would be great for when we had children.
I do see her side of things don't get me wrong I understand some of her frustrations. However I do feel she blows things wildly out of proportion and doesn't want me doing anything for my family, she needs to have my full attention at all times and is now forcing me to choose.
My 82 year old grandmother now feels extremely uncomfortable here. Every time I bring up her age and high blood pressure, my gf says well what about my high blood pressure. If I bring up that grandma has a bad back, my gf says well so do I. It seems like it's always a competition.
A wise old clergy man told a young couple that had little money ( and wanted to marry) that they would be better off starting their married life living in a tent than with family members.
A newlywed couple living with family members is a disaster. ESPECIALLY if living with his family.
IMO......NO house is big enough for two families......ever.
Same thoughts here. As for what to do now, I have absolutely no idea. You're in quite the pickle, OP.
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