Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Oh, wow, what a horrible weekend it's been. You know, I always thought I was the only one to have such a wonderful dog and such a close relationship with him, but when I hear your stories I know that the luck hasn't been all mine. People often tell me that I'll never find another dog like Scout again--that he's one in a million--I sure hope not, and I hope that each of you find another dog that touches your heart as much as this one that you've lost does.
I agree that taking Allie home was a remarkably brave and loving thing to do for her. Again, you all humble me with your strength and I hope I can be half as strong when Scout's time comes.
His first IMRT treatment went fine, although he was very bloody and sneezy this weekend. He's much better today. We'll go either on Thursday or Friday this week for our second treatment. I don't know why, but I don't have a great feeling about it all--perhaps it's because of all the other rotten luck this fall. I hope I'm wrong, and I hope all of you know that you are in my thoughts.
Although I have never posted before, I have been reading from this site for quite a few weeks now. My mini long haired Doxie, Speck, is 9 yrs. old. He's been having nasal issues for well over a year now. It started as a bad odor that we thought was coming from his teeth. After a number of teeth cleanings an we realized it was actually coming from his nose. The vet put him on antibiotics. They would work, he would go off them, the smell would come back. She'd put him back on the meds, it would go away, off the meds, back it would come. Then the runny snot started. CONSTANT. To make a long story short, it got to the point where we were sent to a "specialist" who told us that we would have to go to the Univ. of Mich. for an MRI, or a CAT scan or something like that. Starting cost, $2000. That's the least it will cost. Within the past yr. we've already spent over $1000 on Speck. He's worth every dime but that $1000 has been spread out over the year. Now they are talking about one procedure costing at least $2000. It will, of course, cost more then that because it always does. And that doesn't include any treatment costs. We can't afford that. Not only that, the "specialist" described the treatments for nasal cancer and for fungus. (those are the two things he thinks it probably is) Both of those treatments are expensive and uncomfortable/painful for Speck. I don't want to put him through that. But I don't want to give up on him either. He's too young and WAY too important to us.
Meanwhile, within 2 weeks time he's gone from acting completely like Speck to just laying in his bed all day. He doesn't play. He doesn't greet us at the door. He does nothing. The only times he acts relatively normal is when it's time to eat and when it's time to go outside to go potty. Then he jumps down, tail wagging and runs to the door/dog bowl. Other then that, he just lays in his bed and stares at us. I know that it's a HUGE sign that he's in pain. We've started giving him some baby aspirin to see if that helps. So far, it hasn't helped. The snotty nose is constantly running and now the sneezing has started. He doesn't sneeze very often but when he does it's very violent with 5-7 sneezes in a row and pinkish snot. He doesn't have any lumps or anything on his muzzle and no tender spots that I've found. The vet also mentioned that he might just have chronic nasal irritation. Am I considering putting my dog down just for that????
I don't even know why I'm writing this. I just don't know what to do. Because of his behavior, I feel like we should put him down but at the same time, I feel like I would be giving up on him without even knowing what's really wrong with him. But I can't afford to find out what's wrong with him. Plus, if he has cancer, wouldn't he have started losing weight??? He hasn't. I'm so frustrated and so depressed. I can barely stand being in the same room with him because it breaks my heart.
For those of you who knew about what was going on with my sweet "Baby Boy" Probert, I assume you can guess what the title of this message means. Probert passed on quite willingly and quite peacefully Sunday afternoon surrounded by his family and the vets who have cared for him since he first came into my life seven years ago.
It was not what we expected, or what we hoped for for this holiday week-end but I am a firm believer in the adage that everything happens for a reason, even when we don't know it...here is why.
A couple of weeks ago, I made up my mind that we would have another dog when Probert was no longer with us - for us and for Sammy (of course I forgot to tell Galen this news.) I was browsing online but not actively searching for any thing in particular. I saw some Bernese Mountain Dog X Boxer puppies and asked the lady if they had all been spoken for yet - I explained our situation and what we've been going through with Probert, re-assured her that we knew what we were getting in to with a big dog (fur and drool and lots of work...) They weren't ready to go until the last week of September anyway. I thought if we got a puppy now, by the time it was time for Probert to go, the puppy would be adjusted to the house and Sammy may have had a chance to bond with the puppy a bit and it would ease her pain too...
There was no response from the lady with the puppies so I put it out of my mind and decided the timing was not right. Meanwhile, Probert's status was stable but going downhill bit by bit. I knew it was soon time but didn't feel the time was right yet - he was still eating and drinking and enjoyed going outside. He was in pain but I couldn't tell how much because he never complained. The swelling on his face has slowed down and we wondered if it was even shrinking a bit...
Last Tuesday the lady emailed me back about the puppies and said she had one that was previously spoken for but the couple decided at the last minute that they couldn't take him. She said other people had asked about him but because of my original email to her, we could have first pick and she would hold him as long as we needed to make up our mind whether we would take him or not - but no pressure because he would find another home if we didn't want him.
I made arrangements to go meet the puppy Thursday night and we decided he would be a perfect fit with our family - a rough and tumble little puppy that had a good temperament and at 8 weeks old already knew how to sit nicely and not jump around like a nutcase.
Galen and I discussed it and decided that we would go pick him up Saturday afternoon and figured it might do Probert some good to have a little buddy to tag along with him for a few months - might give him a second wind and help him along.
Saturday morning the house was a buzz. The kids were excited about getting the puppy, we talked about names and what color collar we would buy him...then I saw Probert and my heart sank! Overnight the left side of his face had swollen to twice its usual size. When I got closer to look at him, he was still his wonderful patient self but as soon as I touched him, he yelped in sheer pain. Since he was diagnosed in June, this was the first time he had ever been vocal about the pain he was feeling. At breakfast, he had a very hard time eating and drinking. I knew the time was coming much sooner than I wanted it to.
I went to the vet's office and explained the situation. I decided that we would have him put to sleep Wednesday afternoon so I had a chance to say goodbye and he had a chance to visit his dog friends and all the good peeing posts one last time.
With a heavy, heavy heart we picked up puppy Saturday afternoon. He was a well behaved puppy and nuzzled close the whole way home. When we got home, he was given the once over by Sammy and Probert and was quite content to just sleep on the couch most of the day. In the two hours it took to go pick up the puppy and come back home, Probert's face had swollen more.
The day was as normal is it could have been...puppy got lots of attention from the kids, Probert got lots of attention from us and lots of tears were shed. Probert started having some discharge from his right nostril and that side was beginning to swell too, he felt very warm to the touch and seemed to be having some difficulty breathing - a sign that the cancer had spread and he was now dealing with infection. For most of the day, he paid no attention to the puppy other than to look at him if he got too close to his face.
I stayed up with him until 4am, too scared to go to sleep incase he died while I was sleeping. He layed on the floor at my feet and the puppy sat in my lap. At 4 am I couldn't stay awake any longer and went to the bedroom, he followed and layed down on the blanket beside my bed. Galen was supposed to work in the morning...I told him that Probert was suffering and I felt the best thing to do would be bring him to the vet in the morning.
At 630 when Galen woke up for work and saw Probert, he knew...and he called in sick to work because he said he could not walk out the door and say goodbye to him, knowing that would be the last time he saw him. We both sat on the kitchen floor, hugging Probert and crying. All of a sudden, Probert got up, walked over to the puppy and started licking his face. The puppy licked his face back and it was a bizarre little exchange that lasted about five minutes where they just licked each other's faces. There was almost a sparkle in Probert's eye for a bit...then it was gone. He came back over and sat between us and the puppy went back to bed.
At lunchtime my friend Lisa came over to see Probert, I told her I thought I would be bringing him in to the vet and hated seeing him suffering. I told her I was having a hard time making the decision because he seemed to be ok other than the swelling and some pain. When she got there, Probert came to say hi very briefly then retreated under the table. This was unusual because Probert loves Lisa and used to get so excited when she came over that we would have to put him outside. I talked to her for a bit and then looked at Probert, he was laying under the table, barely moving, staring off into space. He would lift his head briefly but didn't have the energy to keep it held up. I decided then and there that this was not fair to him. Lisa said goodbye, Probert didn't move. He didn't come to the door and could hardly breathe from the swelling. I gave him a few treats and he didn't have the energy or willingness to eat them. I always said that I would take him in when I saw signs that he didn't want to be there anymore. I also always said it would break my heart to bring him to the vet to be put to sleep if he was in the car, bouncing around excitedly, expecting a trip to the park...
I called the vet and made arrangements to bring him in, I couldn't sit by and watch him like this until Wednesday. He sat beside me while I was on the phone, like he knew. When I hung up, I let him outside to be with Sam for a minute. She wanted nothing to do with him and as he got nearer, she would walk away. I was planning on taking her with us to say goodbye but she refused to come to the car - she would normally be bouncing off the steps to get her spot in the front seat. She refused to go down the steps so I let her stay home.
We took Probert for one last walk around the neighborhood and he peed on everything. He said goodbye to every dog he saw, and some of the people that were out as well. It was the first walk around the neighborhood where he didn't pull me down the street. When I let his leash go so he could run free for a minute, he didn't. He was calmer than I had ever seen him, like he knew what he was there for.
When I put him in the car, he sat quietly in the backseat. He knew it would be hard on me if I thought he was excited...We walked into the clinic, he jumped up to look who was behind the desk then sat quietly. For the first time in seven years he sat quietly at the vet's office. When the vet said they could do it right in the waiting area, without being told to, he slowly walked over to the middle of the room and layed down. There was no protest, no hesitation, nothing...just acceptance.
He drifted off quietly while Galen and I hugged him and talked to him and told him what a good boy he was. Even after he was gone, we sat beside him and laughed about all the crazy things he did and said that he was definitely the world's best "Bad dog". Brody drew him a picture the day before and asked me if I could give it to Probert to take with him when he went with the angels. I added a little note to him on Brody's picture and pinned his Dog Park tags to the note. We tucked the paper into his collar and said goodbye...
Oddly enough, it was much easier than I thought it would be...I think because it seemed like Probert accepted it and he knew that his time had come. I still cry, not because I regret anything but because I miss him. I look over to the spot he layed under the window for the last week and its weird not to see him there. When I wake up through the night, its eerie for me not to hear the snoring and the noises he had been making in his sleep for the last four months. At bedtime the other night, Sam was settled in, the puppy was settled in and I waited for a split second for Probert to come settle in, then remembered that he wouldn't be coming...At the same time, the first night without Probert was the first night I was able to truly rest and relax at night without waking several times to go check on him and make sure he was ok...
And I almost feel like he held on until the puppy came because he knew it would be ok then - it was only once we made concrete plans to bring puppy home Saturday that he started to really go downhill fast. I can't help but wonder what they told each other Sunday morning with all the face licking...
I was so sad to hear about Probert. yet, it was comforting to know he was surrounded by love and had as peaceful a passing that he could. who knows what the licking exchange was between him and the puppy- I like to think maybe it was Probert saying " I am moving on and passing the torch to you- and you have huge shoes to fill! because I am a one and only kind of dog"
I know Probert will be watching over you and probably will laugh at the upcoming trials the new pup will put you through. ( no matter how good they are, pups are a handful)
I also lost my Oscar ( a bichon, age 13) to nasal cancer 2 years ago and I still miss my guy so much. our stories are very similar, even up til the ending. On what would be Oscar's last day ( which I didn't know at the time) he, like Probert, was more swollen, staring off into space, refusing treats, etc. I knew by looking at him the dreaded day was here. he never liked being at the vet, but when I took him he just laid on the table and sighed. he was gone quickly and peacefully. my little man fought hard, as Probert did against this disease. I think they both earned their release from pain.
I am glad you have the pup, altho Probert took a piece of your heart that no other dog will ever fill.
these boards are so sad lately, we seem to be losing so many great dogs. my sympathies to all who have gone thru this
Thank you to everyone here for the support - its nice to have a "safe place" to come and know that everything you're feeling is ok and that, unfortunately, so many others have been through this same horrible disease.
One of the girls at work this morning said "Wiw, you guys really lived Marley and Me didn't you?". This was my answer:
I read the book and watched the movie this summer. Marley had nothing on Probert and that is what made Probert so funny and memorable!
On the way home from the vet Sunday I was telling Galen that he was probably one of the most ill-behaved dogs on the planet but couldn't imagine him any other way. If he had been well-behaved I would have missed out on things like:
- the day he launched himself out of the sunroof on my Saturn while I was in looking at furniture
- the way he loved bananas and more than once stole whole unpeeled bananas off the window sill
- the great paper shredding incident of 2002 when all I could do was laugh about the bits of paper covering my basement floor (and the splinters of wood from the two doors he ate to get to the paper).
- the time we were staying at my parents overnight (him and I) and I had brought his food for the week-end in a canister. He found the canister, stole the canister and proceded to drop it down the stairs, carry it back up and drop it again until it finally opened. He had a really big supper that night...
- the pile of springs and fluff that became known as "the dog's couch"
- walking around the neighborhood and talking to the neighbors, looking for that flash of white out of the corner of my eye, after yet another fence jumping incident.
- learning that dogs like coffee and while you run to the bathroom to pee, your midnight Tims coffee will be knocked over onto the floor and a large tongue will promptly clean it up.
- when there is one slice of bread in the house, you're late for work and pregnant, craving toast and butter...you should never leave the kitchen lest the dog will steal the toast right out of the toaster and swallow it whole while you're in washing your hair, mouth watering at the sheer smell of the toast...
- Being greeted at the door at the end of the day (or after being gone two minutes to take the trash out or get the mail) like I had been gone for months and nothing else mattered in that moment except that I was home...
I would have missed out on the wonderful experience of knowing what it really means to be loved unconditionally and smothered with love (and drool and fur).
After he had passed on Sunday, his vet, Dr. Lisa, said this is the only way she could have ever pictured Probert going - some unusual, rare kind of disease because he was such a rare and unusual kind of dog. She said it is almost a blessing for him that he died this way because he would have been even more miserable had he grown old and been crippled up for a long time, unable to run and play and jump over fences...she said he went out in fine style and fought it off longer than they really ever expected him to.
The puppy's name is Baxter and he really is a sweet pup. He loves to snuggle up and just sleep. It was a hectic week-end with Probert and amazingly the puppy was much less trouble than I expected - I think he sensed that we needed to be there for Probert and was a very calm little guy. This morning, I think he decided that we had enough time to be sad about Probert and needed some distraction from him because he was a little hellion! Either that or he inherited Probert's spirit and its his way of living on in our lives...which is fine by me!
Have the vets tried diffrenet antibiotics on Speck? It sounds like he could be going septic from his infection. Dash got a bladder infection years ago ( before the cancer) and in 24 hrs went from being fine to not eating or moving so I called the vet and they got him right in and sure enough he had a horrible bladder infection and was showing signs of sepsis. Another 24 hrs left untreated his organs would have started shutting down and he probably would have died.
When he got bad nasal infections with the cancer there were times he would totally shut down and I was convonced he was going to die but a few days of antibiotics and me leaving him be he would be up and going and acting fine.
With cancers infections are one of the top reasons of death so you might want to check with the vet and see if they feel he needs a change of antibiotics if he has been on the same one for awhile. Good luck I will be sending prayers your way for Speck. Jan
I am so saddened to hear that You did have to put Probert down . I do agree with you as I think things do happen for a reason, though sometimes it is hard to find the reason. It does sound like Probert was like Dash and seemed to understand and sort of welcome the fact that they would be moving on in their journey. Reading about your car trip to the vets was like reliving my own as Dash did not take his usual navigator spot in the car all interested in seeing where we where going instead he sat in the other front seat and quietly looked out the side window taking in the sights for one last time.
The animal communicator had told me that Dash had told the other two he was leaving and they would have to step up to take his place. Dazzle has done a great job at getting Jazz out of her funk and he keeps me busy and out of a funk too. People always say animals live in the moment and do not know what is happening,well I don't feel that way. Animals learn from their past mistakes so how could they only live in the moment? I also think they do know what death is about as Dash really seemed to understand. Call me crazy but I also have seen it with previous pets and with the dogs when my mom died. She died at home with the family around her and my brother had everyone hold hands in a circle around her and said a prayer just moments before she did die and my Jazz kept poking her head into the circle and W000-woooooing or having her final say and it seemed important to her then she raced over and gave my mom one final lick on her cheek. Maybe she was just picking up on our feelings but it sure seemed like she knew my mom was about to leave.
Your last post about all the "bad things" Probert did had me laughing as Dash was somewhat of his twin in his younger days as he could be soooo bad and get into things he should not have. He was the master thief but that did make me love him all the more. What is it about Bad boys that makes us love them so? I think Probert and Dash also were dogs that felt life was all about having good times so they let the good times roll.
Some where in a past post you mentioned that Probert had been with you through all your rough times and you had shed many a tear on him well maybe that was his job here to shepherd you through some rough times. If that is the case then I do hope his work is done and that means that Baxter is here to help you through the loss and on to good things for many years to come.
There is a great book called the Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein( I think that is his name) If you like to read It is a great book as the dog tells the story of his life and his feelings about death and while it does have sad moments it also puts a smile on your face. I gave it to my friend when she was about to have her 15 yr old border collie put down and she says she kept thinking of the things the dog in the book had said about death and that it made it easier for her to say good bye.
You may be right in the fact that Probert waited for Baxter to enter your life before leaving you . There is a great book called Final Gifts written by two hospice workers about death and dieing in humans and they talk about how often people do choose their time to die and wait for things to be as they want them too be. I think Dogs may do that too as he knows Baxter will help his human famliy and his canine family move forward. I agree with Oscars' mom when she said " I like to think maybe it was Probert saying " I am moving on and passing the torch to you- and you have huge shoes to fill! because I am a one and only kind of dog" I really feel that Baxter is meant to be in your life so let the fun puppyhood begin! Probert sounds like a dog that would want that for you.
I feel that while it is very sad that dogs have such a short life that if they didn't I would not have known all the great dogs that I have known in my life time. And that would be a huge loss. Each one is very special to me and all for different reasons. You always feel that the current one is the special one but in reality they all become special to you. I hope you have found peace in Proberts death and can now more forward and learn what he told Baxter as I am sure one day you will know. Take care Big hugs to you and your family, Jan
Yep, we've tried a number of antibiotics. We now have him on them at all times, switching the kind of antibiotics on a monthly basis. If he isn't on them, his nasal discharge starts to get REALLY gross and smell SO SO SO bad!! It's really so confusing because he's had the runny, VERY runny nose and sneezing for over a year but no swelling anywhere. No tender spots. No discharge from his eyes. Nothing weird on his teeth/in his mouth. No discoloration of his nose or fur below his nostrils. None of the other symptoms for cancer or fungus that I have read about. So is it just a chronic condition? And are the daily antibiotics what are making him just lay in his bed all day doing nothing???? If we take him off the meds, it is a mere 2-3 days before his mucus turns things thick, green and smelly. UGH! I did order some Sin-U-Rite, some herbal stuff. It should come in today. Right now I'm praying for a miracle.
' Quote from Lyrical2520 'no swelling anywhere. No tender spots. No discharge from his eyes. Nothing weird on his teeth/in his mouth. No discoloration of his nose or fur below his nostrils. " Dash had none of this either as he just had reverse sneezes , a few very minor bloody noses and then one big one then after the palliative radiation he started having lots of snot and bloody discharge off and on his radiation was in May 2008 and he had no swelling until a few months ago.
His cancer was either taking the path of least resistance and growing outward or there is a chance it was the neoplasene that caused the swelling and the resulting horrible infection could have been from trapped dead tumor the neoplasene killed. I will never know which it was. Do keep in mind that not all nasal cancers take this path as often they grown inward and invade the brain. Not all nasal cancers are equal as there are several types of cancers that can cause nasal cancer and they can behave quite different. Just as all the dogs are individuals and their bodies respond to the cancer in their own way making it very confusing to try to guess what is going on. There are also several different sinuses that the cancer could be in and I am sure that has an impact of what you see.
Has your vet cultured any of the green snot to see what is growing in it? I know that pseudomonas infections in humans produce green colored foul smelling mucus and it can be very resistant to antibiotics. Are you in an area of the country that gets Valley fever or any specific fungus?
The antibiotics could be making your dog not feel so well and could be the reason he is laying around. I am just trying to toss out my thoughts in hopes that they may help you figure out what is wrong. maybe some one else has some thoughts too and will share them. I will continue sending prayers Speck's way.
Jan (or anyone else), did you do any research into K9 Immunity?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Guilt and Sorrow
