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Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,909 posts, read 2,077,029 times
Reputation: 4478
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nlambert
No worries there. I don't mention my income, nor will I ever. I don't need to flash my paycheck or make internet claims that I own any successful companies to be successful.
One word of advice (which you'll likely ignore).... treat your employees (heck anyone really) with respect and learn to talk TO them and not AT them. Everyone is different and we must all work to adapt to different situations and to different people's abilities. There's a HUGE difference and sadly I feel like you're one day going to learn this lesson the hard way.
You all have assumed that I speak at my people, not to my people. I'm sorry, just because someone is direct, it doesn't turn them into an a** right away. My turnover is almost next to nothing. In fact I wish I had more. There is a huge leap of judgement that you and most people on this post have made with very limited information. I didn't criticize your way of management, you criticized mine. And then proceeded to tell me on three occasions that I will learn it the hard way, making a mistake, not living in a real world. You are quite blunt and rude for someone to claim to be the opposite. Ironic isn't it. At least I do what I preach.
I simply don't want to spend time with people that are always going to be average. That doesn't mean that I am actively discriminating against those employees, but in 99 out of 100 cases those people will have a limited ceiling, no matter what I do.
You all have assumed that I speak at my people, not to my people. I'm sorry, just because someone is direct, it doesn't turn them into an a** right away. My turnover is almost next to nothing. In fact I wish I had more. There is a huge leap of judgement that you and most people on this post have made with very limited information. I didn't criticize your way of management, you criticized mine. And then proceeded to tell me on three occasions that I will learn it the hard way, making a mistake, not living in a real world. You are quite blunt and rude for someone to claim to be the opposite. Ironic isn't it. At least I do what I preach.
I simply don't want to spend time with people that are always going to be average. That doesn't mean that I am actively discriminating against those employees, but in 99 out of 100 cases those people will have a limited ceiling, no matter what I do.
So this is a prime example of learning how to take what someone is saying in the proper context. My posts were not meant to be condescending, but to point out some potential fatal flaws with your current mindset. Since you want to be direct, you assume that the point I was trying to make was something other than what it was.
Are you beginning to understand what many of us are trying to say?
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,909 posts, read 2,077,029 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nlambert
So this is a prime example of learning how to take what someone is saying in the proper context. My posts were not meant to be condescending, but to point out some potential fatal flaws with your current mindset. Since you want to be direct, you assume that the point I was trying to make was something other than what it was.
Are you beginning to understand what many of us are trying to say?
Fatal flaws? My goodness.
But hey, I have written more posts in a day than I usually write in 3 months, so have a good day.
Remember these newer generations grow up in suburbia bubbles taught to be "politically correct" and are NOT taught to speak their minds!
So, yes of course it is a bad idea when everyone expects to have their a$$ kissed! Remember we live in a society that always wins, and never looses!Watch chopped, they loose and the comment is: "I don't feel like I lost"! What kind of BS is that? Delisionalism?
Parents are to blame. Not much you can do about it. You're dealing with children of parents who cuddle them and told them the world is full of fairies and butterflies!
It's OK and great to show "empathy", but it has to be warranted. Telling someone to do a better job with something doesn't qualify for empathy. That's work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_grimace
Ok, serious post here looking for a good discussion on this.
I'm a really blunt and candid guy.... I hate beating around the bush, I hate sarcasm (usually because I take words at face value), and I like just being direct and to the point. I used to always think this was a good quality of mine, but now I feel my candor has hurt me than helped me in my career. (I'm in my late twenties)
I do tend to be very frank and dry about things (it's just part of my ISTJ personality), and I often only lighten up around close friends, family, and acquaintance. Otherwise I'm very flat and I just like to be levelheaded and direct in my communication. Empathy is not something I'm good at, so playing to people's feelings and emotions is not my forte... I simply take the facts of a situation, throw them out on the table, and don't care much about how people react to them, because hey, the facts are the facts.
While I never thought it to be a weakness before, more and more I'm told my bluntness and candor is really something I need to fix. I've been told it sounds too cold, too direct, too militaristic, too rude, too condescending, etc. I've had people tell me I insulted them when really I did not mean in the slightest to offend them. I've had people tell me they thought I was overstepping my bounds by acting too managerial since I'm not in a managerial role. The thing is, I never try to be rude, insulting, or anything negative. Yet, my messages are more often than note interpreted in ways I do not intend them to be interpreted.
One part of me always used to think that people were just way too sensitive, but the more it happens that I get advised to tone back my bluntness, the more I realize that I'm the one that is the anomaly. See, I'm the type of guy that you can come up to, curse me off, tell me I'm a fat slob, whatever, and I literally do not care. I'll laugh it off. It's extremely hard to make me upset. I've learned most people though actually are pretty sensitive... Heck, I've known quite a few people who would break down into tears or start throwing fists if they were angrily cursed off and insulted. (DISCLAIMER, I never curse by the way, just giving a extreme example)
So here I am. I am actively working on becoming more graceful in my communication, but it is a challenge to me. A big one. What do people think about people who are extremely blunt and candid in the workplace? What are some good techniques and practices I should be working on in order to be a better communicator? Will my bluntness and candor ever serve as a strength in the business world?
EDIT: Some recent examples of times my bluntness got misinterpreted.
1. Coworker asked if I remembered to do something. I said quickly, "That is what I'm doing right now". Co-worker got insulted and thought I was being rude. She said I said it in a very condescending voice. I am appalled because I literally was just telling her what I was doing with no weird connotations.
2. Sent out an announcement on policy change via email. Manager said I sounded too cold and heartless because I pointed out the facts and directed what needed to be done. Manager said it would have served me well to soften the blow by acting more sympathetic since the policy change created extra work for some people involved.
3. Senior co-worker asked my opinion on what I thought of the project he worked on. I thought he was doing one part of it very backwards so I said (summarized) "I don't like the way you set this up, I think it would be better if you did "x" like "y"." He got extremely offended and got my manager involved as well because he thought I was acting like a know it all hardass.... In reality, I thought he was doing a pretty good job with a tough project and I simply was stating the one area I thought he could use some improvement in.
That's just a few examples of stuff I've ran into the past couple years that has warranted me seeking to improve my communication skills. I would love to hear people's thoughts on bluntness and candor in the workplace!
Ever hear of the word finesse? Look it up - it will take you farther in life than if you continue being blunt and candid, which is just a nice way of saying terse and rude.
Examples 1 and 2 probably sounded....terse and rude. Put some sugar into it. Slow down and read through it a second time. Tweak it. Soften it. Send it.
Example 3, may or may not have been on you. It sounds like someone asked for advice but then received something they didn't expect. Whenever you give feedback, whether you're a manager or not, start with a positive, give the negative, and end with another positive. "You're doing a good job but I would have done X like Y. It's a tough project, and you're doing well on it, I would just make that one change."
See the difference?
"Finesse = "A$$ kissing in style!"
BS!
Why? So people continue to think they're pampered and cuddled? I disagree.
But hey, I have written more posts in a day than I usually write in 3 months, so have a good day.
And THIS is a prime example of why being blunt and direct is not the best option. I find it ironic you were all gung-ho for it, and now you are a prime example of why this is not how the world operates on a whole.
Welllll, since I just offended someone who wants only relevant information and would not appreciate finesse or sugar coming from me. I'm not the person to ask today!
Seriously, a brief phrase or two softens up an unpleasant email and I'm sure any reports you write are very concise!
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