Is being Blunt and Direct a Bad Thing? (average, companies, interest)

[Nlambert]

Originally Posted by the_grimace

EDIT: Some recent examples of times my bluntness got misinterpreted.

1. Coworker asked if I remembered to do something. I said quickly, "That is what I'm doing right now". Co-worker got insulted and thought I was being rude. She said I said it in a very condescending voice. I am appalled because I literally was just telling her what I was doing with no weird connotations.

2. Sent out an announcement on policy change via email. Manager said I sounded too cold and heartless because I pointed out the facts and directed what needed to be done. Manager said it would have served me well to soften the blow by acting more sympathetic since the policy change created extra work for some people involved.

3. Senior co-worker asked my opinion on what I thought of the project he worked on. I thought he was doing one part of it very backwards so I said (summarized) "I don't like the way you set this up, I think it would be better if you did "x" like "y"." He got extremely offended and got my manager involved as well because he thought I was acting like a know it all hardass.... In reality, I thought he was doing a pretty good job with a tough project and I simply was stating the one area I thought he could use some improvement in.

That's just a few examples of stuff I've ran into the past couple years that has warranted me seeking to improve my communication skills. I would love to hear people's thoughts on bluntness and candor in the workplace!

Yes, it can be a bad thing if you don't know how to communicate. I take things at face value as well, and don't mind being spoke to very directly. But... I know from managing others that you catch more flies with honey. Like it or not, that's just how it is. No one likes to feel like they're being condescended so it pays to learn how to address people with tact. I'll speak to your examples and how I would have handled them.

1. When the coworker asked if you remembered to do something, just say "Yes. I did. I'm working on that right now. Thanks for asking!"

2. Good morning all, Policy ABC has been updated to XYZ. I understand this might create additional work for some of you, but by implementing this policy we will better serve our client base and go on to further enhance our competitive stance in the industry. (Or whatever the case may be. The point is to tell them it's changing, be understanding that it might ruffle feathers, and explain WHY the change has to be made and the benefits that come from it.)

3. Hey, this looks good for the most part. I did notice that you are doing "X" a little differently than I would have. I would have taken path "Y" because (insert reasoning here). I think Path "Y" will benefit you because (insert reason here). What do you think? Get your co-worker involved and get their opinions. They'll be very appreciative that you are asking for their thoughts rather than just pointing out a flaw.

Good rule of thumb. Be mindful of your tone of voice, and your communication. If you think you might be offensive to someone, be careful with your wording. And any time you point out a problem, offer a solution and ask for feedback to your solution. You'll get a lot further with that.

[tolovefromANFIELD]

As an ENTJ I am going to have to partially disagree with everyone here, if for no other reason than you can't fight biology. For so many years, I tried to quiet my " b.s. detector", my "logic" and my "directness", but the truth is I didn't start doing really well financially until I embraced my strengths. Being able to see things in a logical, rational, efficient manner while abhorring incompetence is what sets me apart.

Now, with that being said, motivations matter. If the people around you believe that your bluntness is meant as a motivator--that is your way of trying to make them work more efficiently, you will gain your employees/co-workers respect, because your sincerity will compensate for the visual discomfort.

[bcattwood]

I would suggest giving Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People a read. I know it's old school and I am not claiming it has all the answers but it has given me some food for thought in how to interact with people. Some other books in that genre take a Machiavellian approach to human relations, where as this takes a more genuine one.

One bit of advice that I would give that I learned elsewhere is that when giving criticism, always try to lead with something positive. In your third example, if you had told your coworker that you thought he was doing a good job overall, but there was this one area that needed improvement, there likely wouldn't have been an issue.

[macroy]

It's not just what you say, but also how you say it.

I'm all for direct/blunt. But you can do so without being 'obtuse'. Communication is something we all have problems with. And often, we don't know we aren't on the same wavelength.

Your first example is a classic. Neither meant any harm. But she was offended, and you were appalled. All because of a misunderstanding.

One of the keys is to try and understand your co-workers/audience. Sometimes, being 'obtuse' is actually welcomed. Other times, you have to talk to them like a 5-year-old to get your point across. And communication is a two way street. You also need to be a good listener - put the extra effort in to make sure you understood their message (e.g. repeat it back to them in your own words).

[mochamajesty]

Originally Posted by fishbrains

OP, I suffer from the same problem (INTJ for the record).

Yes, people are offended by your approach, and yes, you need to alter this approach for maximum success. It is a fact that many people operate emotionally rather than rationally, and they will not accept what they view as cold, dictatorial edicts from you. Your approach will be to argue the rationality, facts, and effectiveness behind your actions/message. The response will be that you are heartless, uncaring, crude, harsh and don't care about people. Please note that none of these objections are based on facts, they are all based on feelings.

It will pay off if you consider how people will receive the tone of your message. Every single time you send a message, pause, read it again, and soften the message.

Yes, you will be annoyed at the extra time and effort this silly exercise is going to take. Nonetheless, try it for one month and look at the results. Your coworkers will be easier to work with and you will receive fewer tone complaints.

I also "suffer" from the same issue. Although for me, the suffering is actually because I am going against my natural inclination and having to baby someone's feelings.

And yes, it really annoys me when I have to slow down and handle people with kid gloves - especially when it's something that they should already know - or something that I feel like I shouldn't have to explain.

My issue has two root problems - impatience and lack of empathy.

I'm working on both issues.

[Nlambert]

Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD

As an ENTJ I am going to have to partially disagree with everyone here, if for no other reason than you can't fight biology. For so many years, I tried to quiet my " b.s. detector", my "logic" and my "directness", but the truth is I didn't start doing really well financially until I embraced my strengths. Being able to see things in a logical, rational, efficient manner while abhorring incompetence is what sets me apart.

Now, with that being said, motivations matter. If the people around you believe that your bluntness is meant as a motivator--that is your way of trying to make them work more efficiently, you will gain your employees/co-workers respect, because your sincerity will compensate for the visual discomfort.

This sounds like a copout way to blame genetics for why they can't take a moment to think before they say something. Think before you speak, not the other way around. It doesn't matter what you are, what type of personality you have, or what your intentions are. Take a moment and THINK rationally. Just because it isn't offensive to you, doesn't mean you will get the intent across without it offending someone else.

We've all got strengths and weaknesses. The key is to figure out what those are and play off your strengths while constantly working on improving your weaknesses.

[tolovefromANFIELD]

Originally Posted by Nlambert

This sounds like a copout way to blame genetics for why they can't take a moment to think before they say something. Think before you speak, not the other way around. It doesn't matter what you are, what type of personality you have, or what your intentions are. Take a moment and THINK rationally. Just because it isn't offensive to you, doesn't mean you will get the intent across without it offending someone else.

We've all got strengths and weaknesses. The key is to figure out what those are and play off your strengths while constantly working on improving your weaknesses.

Nonsense. I didn't hurt your feelings, did I?

There are times when a softer approach is warranted. However, incompetence and inefficiency don't require that approach. Just because someone is "trying hard", or "not getting it quickly", or "they are really remorseful for making a mistake for the nth time".

Actually key is to "only" work on your strengths, while minimizing time and tasks devoted to your weaknesses.

I'm not even going to address your "cop out" comment. If you truly believe that we are "all the same" and don't have different inherent talents, well then.......

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD

There are times when a softer approach is warranted. However, incompetence and inefficiency don't require that approach. Just because someone is "trying hard", or "not getting it quickly", or "they are really remorseful for making a mistake for the nth time".

They sometimes do. I have a style of communication I'm comfortable with, one that is natural for me. But I have to know who is receiving this communication and tailor it to impact my audience. There are many times where how I want to, and how I feel comfortable communicating, very well might be the wrong way to try to alter the actions of the person I'm communicating to. If I just stuck with how I feel comfortable communicating just because I think it may be appropriate, I'm not doing myself (or the organization) any favors.

Know your audience.

[Nlambert]

Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD

Nonsense. I didn't hurt your feelings, did I?

There are times when a softer approach is warranted. However, incompetence and inefficiency don't require that approach. Just because someone is "trying hard", or "not getting it quickly", or "they are really remorseful for making a mistake for the nth time".

Actually key is to "only" work on your strengths, while minimizing time and tasks devoted to your weaknesses.

I'm not even going to address your "cop out" comment. If you truly believe that we are "all the same" and don't have different inherent talents, well then.......

Nope. As I said earlier, I personally prefer someone approach me directly and bluntly with an issue. My point is that whether that is your style or not, sometimes your style has to be modified to work with others strengths. No two people are the same. If you think that being blunt and direct with all of your coworkers and staff is going to work well for you, by all means have at it. Let me know how that works out for you.

I never said to coddle someone who isn't performing, but you can handle those situations tactfully with an approach that will help that person get better and keep you from looking like the fool.

[Serious Conversation]

There's a fine line to walk between being direct and to the point and being viewed as rude, even when that's not the intent.