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The wake up call is that these 'kids' have to move away and the parents are going to have to WAKE UP and allow them to go without the guilt trip and the 'if only you hustled like I did back in 1965 when "30 dollars pays your rent on Bleeker Street" mentality.
Things COST A LOT MORE now. You also have to get up and go find them. You can't sit in the same town with no prospects forever.
We've moved several times and had to because cost of living where we were born and raised are insane.
I keep telling my sister (she has an 18 year old who is out of school a year come June) she has to let him move to a place with mass transit (they live in a suburb but cannot afford another car or the insurance). The kid has no interest in college and can't find work w/out a car.
He has to move where he can work and be independent. She's had offers from several various family members to 'take him in and put him up' but she says no.
Maybe Mom and Dad need to stop arresting Junior's development and let him go and live where he can see what it's like in the real world. A lot of parents LIKE having their kids around, but this is not always best for the offspring.
It seems like there are two contrasting views expressed here regarding young adults living with their parents.
The first one is of tolerance. If it works out to be beneficial for the adult children and the parents, why not? Why would you care anyway?
The second one is of vehement disgust. It appears that most people in this group, who express little opposition to other activities between consenting adults, view children staying at home past 18 (20 at the latest) with the most rancorous contempt. They are unmotivated slackers, spoiled brats, victims of helicopter parenting, and will never, I repeat, NEVER become independent. From the way some people here seem to describe them, you'd think that they all are long-term unemployed 35-year-olds who spend all day playing Skyrim on their X-Boxes or watching porn in their mother's basement, leaving dirty dishes, laundry, and plastic Mountain Dew bottles utilized as urinals strewn about their floor and whining about the speed of mom's internet connection. The opponents of this lifestyle will then often proceed to reveal tales of ramen noodles and crowded sub-standard apartments, patting themselves on the back for "being on their own" and expecting everyone to make the same sacrifices as a matter of moral obligation.
I'm with the first group. For one thing, most people living with their parents surely do not even bear a resemblance to the caricature of a young adult staying at home just described. Maybe 15 years ago, yes, that was more the case (although it would be Nintendo 64 rather than Xbox). Several things have changed since then. The unemployment rate has climbed several rungs; energy prices have increased dramatically, hence prompting a rise in consumer prices without compensatory wage increases; and the jobs even college graduates get are often part-time and barely, if at all, pay the bills. Look at me - somebody who graduated summa *** laude with a B.A. in Languages and International Studies who cannot even find work as a teller or coordinator for Community Education in a small-town (both part-time jobs) and who cannot graduate school as originally planned because of his situation. Those who have studied abroad (which is a significant percentage of graduates in recent years) or even traveled abroad and experienced the local culture have seen that in many societies, living at home is completely acceptable, if not encouraged. It allows incomes to be pooled, hence enabling each of the family's members to live at a higher standard; maximizes household efficiency (so no space is wasted), which seems to be particularly becoming when you consider that many Boomers purchased 3,000 or 4,000 square foot houses which would be occupied only by two; and has several fringe benefits (home-cooked meals being one of the more significant).
I would say that economic reasons account for most of the delayed home-leaving today; it's difficult to make it on a part-time job or internship, no matter which way you slice it, and kids these days were raised with more material goods than past generations, which makes the problem even more acute. Being and staying poor or rich is one thing; but being well-off and then having to face near-poverty living, with all of its attendant sacrifices (which the always-poor never had to make), is wholly another. In addition, their seems to have been a change in the style of parenting from GI / Silent Generation Parents (which parented the Baby Boomers and Generation X respectively) and Baby Boomer parents. Baby Boomer parents seem to have a different take on independence and its relation to adulthood than previous generations, especially with the "Helicopter Parenting" phenomenon. But the reasons are probably economic in the main.
I think if you are employed, you need to be on your own. Can't afford a place of your own? That's what roommates are for.
At some point you need to grow up and be an adult. Adults live in their own house, have their own bills, and make their own way. You don't do that if you're in your mid/late 20's, 30's, or 40's and still living with your parents.
Times have changed. If a massive amount of people from one generation are in the same boat, then maybe there's a problem with the country.
Of course there will be exceptions, but the norm today is young people living at home with no work, low pay, or unstable jobs. It wasn't always like this.
Nobody wants this current situation, but nobody wants their kids homeless either.
I don't have disgust for 20 somethings who still live at home. It is when they whine that they can't find jobs, and that is why they live at home that raises my hackles.
There are many reasons to stay at home, save money, be with family, help out. But don't blame being a loser on the economy. I knew people who lived at home with their families, and could not find jobs back in the 70's and 80's...and it was not hard to find work back then...
But, parents need to see where the point is of being enabling to adult children. That is the issue.
I couldn't have said it better myself. We have three grown (20s) children. All have gone on and made a good life. None have (or will be) coming back home because life is a little harder than they imagined. As children we did not feed them unrealistic expectations...
That's a really dumb comment. You have no idea what is down the road. None of us can predict the future.
One of your kids could end up getting laid off and if things got tight enough for them fincially they might ask can I move back home for awhile.
I guess you don't pay attention to the news or watch shows like "60 Minutes". There was a story in FL where they have once middle class families living in cheap motels. In one case profiled both parents were laid off.
Another showed an elderly couple who took in their neighbors a divorced mother with two boys. She was in her mid 30s and lost her job and eventually lost her house.
The wake up call is that these 'kids' have to move away and the parents are going to have to WAKE UP and allow them to go without the guilt trip and the 'if only you hustled like I did back in 1965 when "30 dollars pays your rent on Bleeker Street" mentality.
Things COST A LOT MORE now. You also have to get up and go find them. You can't sit in the same town with no prospects forever.
We've moved several times and had to because cost of living where we were born and raised are insane.
I keep telling my sister (she has an 18 year old who is out of school a year come June) she has to let him move to a place with mass transit (they live in a suburb but cannot afford another car or the insurance). The kid has no interest in college and can't find work w/out a car.
He has to move where he can work and be independent. She's had offers from several various family members to 'take him in and put him up' but she says no.
Maybe Mom and Dad need to stop arresting Junior's development and let him go and live where he can see what it's like in the real world. A lot of parents LIKE having their kids around, but this is not always best for the offspring.
Living at home is not the best for the adult kid or for the parents. I get tired of people saying, "Well maybe they will grow closer as a family." Yeah right. Further apart is the most likely scenario. I actually had to enter counseling for awhile to handle living at home. It just isn't good for anyone. The adult child feels sorry for himself or herself because she or he can't find a job. The parents are at each other's throats over the loss of personal space. It is just a really bad situation that we have in this country.
Although some in my family are horrified by my looking for overseas, but I have to do what I have to do. There is no work in my small hometown in Indiana. Plus, there are jobs overseas that would allow me to have my loans paid off in a year.
I don't have disgust for 20 somethings who still live at home. It is when they whine that they can't find jobs, and that is why they live at home that raises my hackles.
There are many reasons to stay at home, save money, be with family, help out. But don't blame being a loser on the economy. I knew people who lived at home with their families, and could not find jobs back in the 70's and 80's...and it was not hard to find work back then...
But, parents need to see where the point is of being enabling to adult children. That is the issue.
Sometimes I think living at home causes the adult child to start feeling sorry for himself or herself. They start lying in bed depressed about their situation. It is horrible for the parents and for the kids. I actually had to enter counseling to deal with this myself. I would actually encourage all unemployed adult children living at home to enter counseling because it is easy to get depressed and when that happens, your job search takes a beating. I was fortunate because a church in my area offers free counseling.
The adult kid loses his or her purpose in life when he or she is not working or doing something. I don't believe we were put on this Earth to watch the world go by.
Boomers had it a lot easier than Gen Y, anyone who denies that is probably wearing blinders... All the facts back it up.
Higher unemployment for a longer period of time, more college degrees to compete with + must compete with outsourcing overseas. Higher government deficit to deal with. Inflation has increased severely. No year 1970 - 2000 increase in the stock market. Stock market has been flat since 2000 with no increase in sight. Boomers get social security-- Gen Y? No way. Higher gas prices. Wages have been stagnant while cost of living has increased. Housing markets have plummeted.
I'm a Gen Yer who has a great job and make far above the average income of most Boomers. But most of my friends are languishing in poverty. Not because they aren't hard workers-- but because it is just more difficult these days.
But I agree-- a lot of Gen Y'ers are entitled-- they feel like they should be able to make enough in wages to put food on their table, and that one day they should be able to make enough to buy a house and a car, they feel like they should be able to retire one day, and they also don't like the idea of paying off trillions in debt that the boomers piled on. Those damn "entitled" Gen Y'ers...
The adult kid loses his or her purpose in life when he or she is not working or doing something. I don't believe we were put on this Earth to watch the world go by.
I completely believe this is true. Some people need extra help to find a job, it can be very tough out there. Our church actually has an employment program, that people can attend to work on resumes, network, have mock interviews, and there are places where they can be placed and paid a stipend salary to get references, and job training if they don't have any skills or references.
Living at home is not the best for the adult kid or for the parents. I get tired of people saying, "Well maybe they will grow closer as a family." Yeah right. Further apart is the most likely scenario. I actually had to enter counseling for awhile to handle living at home. It just isn't good for anyone. The adult child feels sorry for himself or herself because she or he can't find a job. The parents are at each other's throats over the loss of personal space. It is just a really bad situation that we have in this country.
Although some in my family are horrified by my looking for overseas, but I have to do what I have to do. There is no work in my small hometown in Indiana. Plus, there are jobs overseas that would allow me to have my loans paid off in a year.
Going overseas for work is a great idea but do you honestly think that it is a long term solution for the majority of our younger generation? I mean really, let's be honest.
There's a problem with the individual if it's uncommon, unfortunately this story is being repeated throughout households in America.
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