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You're dating a 25 year old dude with no kids........That's what most childless guys that age do unless they really got there **** together. Most women your age have have direction in their lives and have some idea what they want. Most guys at 25 do not/thread
See, I'm a woman and I wouldn't look down on a man who made less than me. In fact, most of my relationships were with men who made less money than me. That never bothered me in the slightest. The one time I was bothered about the difference in income was when the guy was a lot wealthier than I was, so I get where you're coming from. I just kind of felt that he had more "power" than I, because he had more money. I didn't like feeling less powerful, I prefer equality too. I think that I'm just a bit insecure in that respect though. Do you think your resentment might stem from insecurity, too?
No. I just see it as another preference I won't get into it but I would prefer to be in the same class as the woman I date.
And Bingo. You REEK of insecurity. That's not attractive AT ALL. THAT would be ur downfall. Because you would probably make that a big deal even if she wasn't.
Yes, its best that you don't bring that drama to someone. So no you shouldn't date someone that makes more than you. Your ego cannot deal with it.
Edited to add: I just saw the post where you said you would resent a woman who made more than you. Well..there you go. Don't blame HER then and make comments that the woman would be arrogant when clearly its you.
I could care less what you find attractive seeing as I don't want to date you. When you pay one of my bills then you can decide if I don't date or not. Edited to add: I'll be placing you on ignore from here on out.
Welcome to 2016? This is what equality looks like. There are going to be scenarios where women are better off than their men and in turn, are going to spend more money in the relationship.
Am I surprised that women end up resentful of it when the tables are turned? Not one bit. Rules for the, but not for me.
hmm, this should be "Some women may end up resentful". Otherwise, its quite the generalisaton.
I think this scenario will be a much more common problem in the near future. It's a clash between traditional cultural norms and social changes. It's a theme we've seen in multiple threads on this forum coming from well off women that are upset their SO is not as successful as them.
Kind of a have your cake and eat it too type deal.
Yeah ... it was 1 year and she may have just not said it to your face .
I am the bread winner in my family. It was not exactly planned... I just have a better job.
Pros:
- Money actually does not mean power in relationships. So bottom line is if I am the one signing the cheque so to speak I do have a lot more say over most maters ex where we live, where we vacation... all major purchases.
- I can technically get whatever I want ex I don't need to ask or explain.... because it is my money.
- Less pressure to please someone else... I don't stress about making my husband happy ex making him dinner or keeping him happy ... what I do I do because I want to. He is choose to leave ... at any time... I am not really going to be in any major economic crisis as I already make enough to live well without him.
Cons:
- A lot of pressure being responsible to earn an income that covers everything ex I want to be sitting on the beach, at the gym, spa or out having fun .... but I actually need to be at work or my family wont be able to pay bills
- ex If we want to have another kid ... we are going to be very broke for a while
- Too much responsibility ex many people don't realize that when the wife/mother is the one brining in most of the income she likely does not have the time to be perfect cookie cutter 1950s mom waiting on her husband like I Love Jeanie.
- Really challenging getting a long with or understanding women that are not in the same position as me. Ex I will admit I really really really don't tend to get a long with stay at home mom's as I am use to doing what they do plus working full time, being a bread winner and I can't deal with the obsessiveness over details I find trivial ex spending hours on hours looking for creative ways to make a toddlers lunch . Or I have no interested sitting around listening to what your kids did at a school today? If I ask you what is new with you ... I find it really insane that you start to talk about your kids social lives. I am use to doing thing to the best of my ability and really fast and focusing on the big picture and don't find listening to stories about silly trivial things. Ex sitting around and talking about your kids activities ..... I can only take this stuff in doses. It totally makes me want to vomit when I hear people getting so passionate with what their kids are doing it almost seems like they themselves actually don't have a life outside of their family and are living through their family only.
Nah I went out of my way to find one that doesn't obsess over money. Some years i bring in more money. Some years she does. I never liked the term "bread winner". I like to look at it like a team. There is no my money or your money in our relationship only our money and our debt. She brought in 30k of student loan debt into the relationship and I brought in 42k owed on a mortgage. I look at it as partially my student debt and the house is partially hers. Everything is joint. We split duties and chores too. I've been unemployed multiple times over the years. While I know a lot of women would kick me to the curb, she never once treated me like I was any less of a man. Other years I made double what she made, and didn't give it more than a 2nd thought. We have a couple who are good friends. They operate the same way.
You are too young to settle for a dispassionate relationship with someone you resent. While it is true that you will never find a 100% match, you can find someone to fall deeply in love with who shares your values and lifestyle goals.
Don't waste time, life is not a rehearsal. There are no do overs.
Nah I went out of my way to find one that doesn't obsess over money. Some years i bring in more money. Some years she does. I never liked the term "bread winner". I like to look at it like a team. There is no my money or your money in our relationship only our money and our debt. She brought in 30k of student loan debt into the relationship and I brought in 42k owed on a mortgage. I look at it as partially my student debt and the house is partially hers. Everything is joint. We split duties and chores too. I've been unemployed multiple times over the years. While I know a lot of women would kick me to the curb, she never once treated me like I was any less of a man. Other years I made double what she made, and didn't give it more than a 2nd thought. We have a couple who are good friends. They operate the same way.
Team work is good. I don't think relationships should be built around money... but I know I like nice things and can't pay for them with hugs and kisses. I work really hard and when the person on my team is not pulling their weight I am not cool with that. If you want the reward you need to pull your weight. I am not okay with people free loading off of me and I don't encourage anyone to be lazy. If someone is sick and really can't work that is a totally different story. I have only be unemployed for less then 6 months total since the age of 16 and that includes after having a baby. I don't like under achievers ... so if the person I am with does not want to work and contribute to the teams gain as much as me.... I am not sharing my money as openly. I think that actually only encourages laziness and I don't like lazy people.
It is not just amount money, but the division of responsibility.
I have pretty high expectations for myself as well.
If the other person is not working, but taking care of the kids and maintaining the property that is different.
If I still have the burdan of doing the majority of both... that I am not okay with that.
Honestly... when I was younger I did not think about all this stuff when meeting someone.
If I had to do it all over again in my 30s I would never get involved with someone who did not to have good income ( at least 75% of fine) or had any debt. I worked too hard to take the hit for someone elses mistakes.
Bitey, I don't disagree with you. In fact, if we were to look at this completely gender-blind, you are right. I wish I didn't care. But I can't deny my feelings. Shamefully, I want to be treated like a princess and spoiled, why not?. Yet, I am not willing to go out with guys just because they can pay my bills. I like a lot about this guy, but I can't stop feeling resentful about the fact that he isn't trying harder. I am pretty hard on myself, and i guess I judge people the same way. When I was married and my husband was making 2X what I was making, I was working three jobs because I felt guilty for letting him carry all the financial weight. When I go out with someone and they invited me, I always try to be modest and financially conscientious with what I order.
I guess I wish my boyfriend was the same with me. I wouldn't be as resentful if he actually spent his time working instead of napping or video gaming. Or if he refused to go to events he can't afford. I do make more than him, but I am not exactly rich, and I want to be able to save, as well.
Why I am with him? Because at the time we started dating he was better than other guys who were around me.
Is it possible to mediate this issue efficiently or should I be looking for better? (I don't even know how likely it is to find better)
I don't think its about who is the breadwinner. The two of you are fundamentally different. Look for someone that shares the same goals and ambitions.
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or my family wont be able to pay bills
. Or I have no interested sitting around listening to what your kids did at a school today? If I ask you what is new with you ... I find it really insane that you start to talk about your kids social lives. I am use to doing thing to the best of my ability and really fast and focusing on the big picture and don't find listening to stories about silly trivial things. Ex sitting around and talking about your kids activities ..... I can only take this stuff in doses. It totally makes me want to vomit when I hear people getting so passionate with what their kids are doing it almost seems like they themselves actually don't have a life outside of their family and are living through their family only.
Team work ...
