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You're dating a 25 year old dude with no kids........That's what most childless guys that age do unless they really got there **** together. Most women your age have have direction in their lives and have some idea what they want. Most guys at 25 do not/thread
Where did you get that he's 25? She said she's in her "early 30's", and that he's 5 years younger, so he could be 27 or 28.
You're dating a 25 year old dude with no kids........That's what most childless guys that age do unless they really got there **** together. Most women your age have have direction in their lives and have some idea what they want. Most guys at 25 do not/thread
Coming from personal experience, I have to disagree. Alot of women i knew at that age didn't know what they wanted either and messed around.
edit: i forgot that she's in her early 30's and he's in his twenties. They say that a man isn't a true adult until they reach 30 years old.
Oh please. Stop projecting ur feelings onto EVERY single woman out there. I made more money than the last guy I dated and I was most DEFINITELY not arrogant about it.
That is simply YOUR own insecurity talking.
Some guys do have something called "pride". It's not always insecurity. Some men are just hard workers and want to be the best provider and take care of their family. My sister makes way more money than her husband. He has no ambition at all and is happy with making nothing at his crappy job...My sister punks him all the time and she is the dominant one. He sits there and takes it. He obviously has no pride in himself. What "man" would want to feel that way on the daily?
Coming from personal experience, I have to disagree. Alot of women i knew at that age didn't know what they wanted either and messed around.
edit: i forgot that she's in her early 30's and he's in his twenties. They say that a man isn't a true adult until they reach 30 years old.
Most of the guys I know didn't really have their **** together or have a lot of direction in life until 30 unless they were settled down. Even the one's with big time careers still had a bit of the "*uck-its" until around 30.
I know plenty of women that were adults in their 20's.
obviously this is generalizing, but there is a lot of truth to this.
I have to say, I thank everybody for their advice. Someone wrote to me a personal comment saying this guy isn't my intellectual equal. I may be in a state where I don't see things clearly, however I do have the vague feeling that there's nobody out there who's someone equal in everything, and then how do you go about that? Just as an example- my ex husband was definitely my intellectual and financial equal, but we pretty much didn't have any sex (his libido was low), and didn't want kids. Then I dated someone who was my financial AND spiritual equal, but, again, problems with sex, which made me feel unwanted, unsexy, etc.
I like the idea of waiting to find The One. But then I look at the reality around me- I don't see one happy long lasting marriage in which both are happy forever. I also see women in their 50s who are still single and childless because they've been too picky. It's nice to be romantic (and believe in a soul mate), it's nice to be religious (and believe in a God-sent one). But what if every day reality sends a stronger message than books and ideals?
My parents who have been married for 37 years aren't always happy. Till this day they still fight and bicker but are still together. You have to take the good and the bad. It's not going to be always a smooth ride. It's easy to nit pick about someone else when you're not happy. I would try to find the positives about him and talk it out with him and find out the why's instead of just assuming and over thinking. The movie director Ang Lee's wife supported him for 6 years before he got his career up and going- look at him now. Sometimes the struggles are real and it's so easy to beat down on someone when they're trying to get by and figure it out.
When he is not at school he takes naps, plays video games or hangs out with me.
These habits will only get worse, IMO. Personally I wouldn't have anything in common with someone who played video games all the time.
He should be pitching in at least half for the cost of dates. When I was in college, I knew guys who would look for girlfriends who had cars, jobs, money. They wanted a free ride while they completed their college courses.
I'm older than OP but am in a vaguely similar situation. I'm dating someone a few years younger than me who is just settling into their career (also makes less than me). My initial thought was trepidation due to some of the things the OP mentioned (perhaps being take advantage of financially or potential clashes due to maturity levels).
I share this to say that all my "issues" were really those I created in my mind. My not-quite SO in one breath can be a silly, a tad indecisive, and highly influenced by others and in the next breath can be highly sensitive to my needs and goes out of his way to show certainty I can rely on him. He has a very generous heart and clearly devoted to having a family. He supports my endeavors in a way others I've dated have been unsupportive or jealous.
Everyone brings something different to the table. It may not be fair to judge someone's character based on one-tenth of their journey as a projection of who'll they'll be life long. I'm challenging myself not to be so judgmental when I don't like a certain aspect of the "packaging".
That said, as others pointed out, if you see him as a seat-filler and/or he's not providing reassurance of where you fit in his life and where he see things going, then there are bigger items to assess. I do think it would be courteous to split the tab on the more expensive outings but I'd also recommend you vocalize..."let's go 50/50 on this". Perhaps being direct with him will eliminate some of the issues you feel exist.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,706 posts, read 41,855,063 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reen79
Some guys do have something called "pride". It's not always insecurity. Some men are just hard workers and want to be the best provider and take care of their family. My sister makes way more money than her husband. He has no ambition at all and is happy with making nothing at his crappy job...My sister punks him all the time and she is the dominant one. He sits there and takes it. He obviously has no pride in himself. What "man" would want to feel that way on the daily?
It is possible to be a hard worker as a man and be outearned by your girlfriend or wife. I work as a supervisor and have a graduate education, the girls I've dated have likely out earned me, since I typically date girls who have graduate degrees or at least Bachelors degrees. That is a pretty common scenario in DC.
Just goes to show you, you have to take advice off the net with a grain of salt.
Yeah ... it was 1 year and she may have just not said it to your face .
I am the bread winner in my family. It was not exactly planned... I just have a better job.
Pros:
- Money actually does not mean power in relationships. So bottom line is if I am the one signing the cheque so to speak I do have a lot more say over most maters ex where we live, where we vacation... all major purchases.
- I can technically get whatever I want ex I don't need to ask or explain.... because it is my money.
- Less pressure to please someone else... I don't stress about making my husband happy ex making him dinner or keeping him happy ... what I do I do because I want to. He is choose to leave ... at any time... I am not really going to be in any major economic crisis as I already make enough to live well without him.
Cons:
- A lot of pressure being responsible to earn an income that covers everything ex I want to be sitting on the beach, at the gym, spa or out having fun .... but I actually need to be at work or my family wont be able to pay bills
- ex If we want to have another kid ... we are going to be very broke for a while
- Too much responsibility ex many people don't realize that when the wife/mother is the one brining in most of the income she likely does not have the time to be perfect cookie cutter 1950s mom waiting on her husband like I Love Jeanie.
- Really challenging getting a long with or understanding women that are not in the same position as me. Ex I will admit I really really really don't tend to get a long with stay at home mom's as I am use to doing what they do plus working full time, being a bread winner and I can't deal with the obsessiveness over details I find trivial ex spending hours on hours looking for creative ways to make a toddlers lunch . Or I have no interested sitting around listening to what your kids did at a school today? If I ask you what is new with you ... I find it really insane that you start to talk about your kids social lives. I am use to doing thing to the best of my ability and really fast and focusing on the big picture and don't find listening to stories about silly trivial things. Ex sitting around and talking about your kids activities ..... I can only take this stuff in doses. It totally makes me want to vomit when I hear people getting so passionate with what their kids are doing it almost seems like they themselves actually don't have a life outside of their family and are living through their family only.
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Lol ...
or my family wont be able to pay bills
. Or I have no interested sitting around listening to what your kids did at a school today? If I ask you what is new with you ... I find it really insane that you start to talk about your kids social lives. I am use to doing thing to the best of my ability and really fast and focusing on the big picture and don't find listening to stories about silly trivial things. Ex sitting around and talking about your kids activities ..... I can only take this stuff in doses. It totally makes me want to vomit when I hear people getting so passionate with what their kids are doing it almost seems like they themselves actually don't have a life outside of their family and are living through their family only.