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So many people that play video games are totally into that, it borders on addiction. I've known people spend any free time they have playing video games. My brother in law would be a good example.
I would rather travel, go to concerts, go kayaking, skiing, hiking, camping, boating, zip lining and have actual experiences instead of sitting on the couch watching someone play a video game. It's just not compatible with my lifestyle.
Well, that's obsession and obsession is irritating no matter what.
There are plenty of people who do most of the stuff you mentioned and play video games sometimes.
That said, you and this guy are incompatible. Is it fair for you to hang on to him to keep from being alone?
Maybe you should tell him you'd like to see other people.
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But I am also the one planning and paying for all the cool dates and the nicer restaurants. His date ideas are simpler- bowling, mini golf, a chain restaurant or diner - for which he pays (and I try to not pick the most expensive items, being aware that he doesn't work). I try to be sensible to his situation; I try to respect his preference for simpler dates. But lately it has started to bother me that when we go out somewhere I suggest, he gets whatever he wants (including the more expensive items on the menu), and does not even offer to pay for his share of the bill.
You seem proud that you are able to plan for dates that are more "cool" and involve "nicer restaurants". And yet you fault him for ordering something that might be expensive. I have to ask, when you plan these outings, do you say to him "hey it's on me" or is it made clear that you expect him to contribute? You even say you are sensible to his (financial) situation and yet you get upset that he doesn't offer to pay his share. Think on that for a moment. Just playin' devil's advocate here, but what if he is agreeing to go to these nicer places with you because he just wants to be with you rather than saying "well, I'd rather not 'cause I'm flat broke"? What if he cannot offer to pay his share because you chose a venue where doing so might be beyond his means. My suggestion would be to either choose less expensive venues (if you are bothered by him ordering off the expensive menu) or do them with less frequency and find more economical ways of hanging out.
Also, would you rather he start taking you out to more expensive places and rack up a credit card balance as opposed to living within his means?
To be perfectly honest, I think you two are just not in the same stages of life. Either wait until he finishes school and see if things change, or find another guy who better fits the profile you prefer.
You seem proud that you are able to plan for dates that are more "cool" and involve "nicer restaurants". And yet you fault him for ordering something that might be expensive. I have to ask, when you plan these outings, do you say to him "hey it's on me" or is it made clear that you expect him to contribute? You even say you are sensible to his (financial) situation and yet you get upset that he doesn't offer to pay his share. Think on that for a moment. Just playin' devil's advocate here, but what if he is agreeing to go to these nicer places with you because he just wants to be with you rather than saying "well, I'd rather not 'cause I'm flat broke"? What if he cannot offer to pay his share because you chose a venue where doing so might be beyond his means. My suggestion would be to either choose less expensive venues (if you are bothered by him ordering off the expensive menu) or do them with less frequency and find more economical ways of hanging out.
Also, would you rather he start taking you out to more expensive places and rack up a credit card balance as opposed to living within his means?
To be perfectly honest, I think you two are just not in the same stages of life. Either wait until he finishes school and see if things change, or find another guy who better fits the profile you prefer.
Very true, I think the OP is high-maintenance and needs to find a wealthy guy.
I am not swept off my feet by him, but I would rather hang out with him than be totally alone.
That's not exactly a ringing endorsement.
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Is it really that big of a deal if the woman has a higher paying job? It's more common these days than ever. My sister has the much better paying job than her guy. She went to Virginia Tech and he went to a smaller college, I'm not even sure if he completed it. It's no big deal.
Is it really that big of a deal if the woman has a higher paying job? It's more common these days than ever. My sister has the much better paying job than her guy. She went to Virginia Tech and he went to a smaller college, I'm not even sure if he completed it. It's no big deal.
I find it quite ironic that in this day and age of "strong independant women" many still aren't happy with being able to be dependant on a man in some form or another. Feminists always tell men "the 50s are gone, it's never coming back, and it's a new world so adapt" yet many women don't get it's the same for them as well, women need to accept it's not the 50s anymore and women today need to get over this idea of wanting men that is their knight in shining armor, chivalrous etc. etc. men aren't the only ones that should have to give up things in the past.
When I read the thread title I was expecting a story about a guy who was lazy and unemployed, doesn't contribute to rent/bills, never takes the OP out on dates, doesn't take care of housework etc.
He is in full-time education and has money from previous employment available to help pay for things. He takes the OP out on dates.
OP, this this really about being the "breadwinner"? You sound a little envious about him being able to do fulltime education whilst you have to work a full-time job to pursue part-time education. I know it is hard work (been there myself for 6 years), but I never felt resentful towards other people who didn't have to work such long hours. I know many people who studied full-time - some did part-time jobs, others didn't. I never thought the ones who didn't work whilst studying were unambitious. They were just lucky that they didn't need the money!
Also, when you date a full-time student, you can't really expect them match you on a financial level. If you resent paying more money on dates, why don't you pick cheaper dates?
Quote:
Originally Posted by marketa
I like diversity in dates- going to theater, ballet, weekend getaways, trying out new restaurants, concerts, etc. But I am also the one planning and paying for all the cool dates and the nicer restaurants. His date ideas are simpler- bowling, mini golf, a chain restaurant or diner - for which he pays (and I try to not pick the most expensive items, being aware that he doesn't work). I try to be sensible to his situation; I try to respect his preference for simpler dates. But lately it has started to bother me that when we go out somewhere I suggest, he gets whatever he wants (including the more expensive items on the menu), and does not even offer to pay for his share of the bill.
It sounds like you two aren't well matched with your interests. Theater and ballet doesn't sound that diverse or "cool" to me - sign me up for bowling and mini golf! You complain about him picking the more expensive items on the menu whilst you pick the cheaper ones - has he ever actually asked you not to pick certain things on the menu due to cost or are you just doing it anyway, and then expect him to read your mind and do the same when it is your turn to pay?
Honestly, it just doesn't sound like the two of you are all that compatible. You have already admitted that you don't feel crazy about him. Does he know that? I hope my post doesn't come across as having a go at you OP, but I do feel a little sorry for your guy.
Is it really that big of a deal if the woman has a higher paying job? It's more common these days than ever. My sister has the much better paying job than her guy. She went to Virginia Tech and he went to a smaller college, I'm not even sure if he completed it. It's no big deal.
I agree I've known a barrister, investment banker and my ex was in finance that earned much more than myself it wasn't at all a big deal to me and they never once made me feel inferior
Very true, I think the OP is high-maintenance and needs to find a wealthy guy.
Yes, I saw this in her OP. She'll pick a restaurant or activity that might be out of his means financially right now but then get annoyed when he doesn't offer to pay his half.
On the other hand, when they go out to a lower end establishment that he selects, he will foot the entire bill. How is that fair?
It seems to me that his perception of the relationship is that if he picks the venue, he pays. If she picks the venue, she pays. As they are in different places financially at the moment because he's in school, that seems to make sense.
If I wanted to go to a fine dining restaurant that was $75 a head with a student, I certainly wouldn't expect the student to pay just because I selected it. If I knew that paying for both of us might be a challenge, I might see if there was a lunch option that could be cheaper or maybe a restaurant week fixed meal special at some point of the year that could also give me a taste that would cost the same as one person for both of us.
There are also plenty of creative options for finding fun/inexpensive places to eat if you want your partner to contribute. I'd write this to a person no matter what the gender. If the OP is so rigid that she can only focus on the more expensive things, then that's her problem and not her boyfriend's problem.
I have plenty of friends who are in relationships where the earning power of the spouses has switched over time. It may be that at phase A of the relationship, one spouse is in school making less, but in phase B, the other spouse makes more because the degree is complete and that career is established enough that the other spouse can make a career change if he/she chooses.
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You complain about him picking the more expensive items on the menu whilst you pick the cheaper ones - has he ever actually asked you not to pick certain things on the menu due to cost or are you just doing it anyway, and then expect him to read your mind and do the same when it is your turn to pay? 
