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So sorry to read all that you and Mrs. Chow are going through right now. When it rains, it pours. I've also been dealt a few big blows this summer, which I can't even bring myself to talk about really - it's still too fresh.
I will share this link to a pdf of a brochure that may help with resources and tips on managing care of your MIL. There are so many opportunities and solutions out there, and I hope you as a family will find one that works best for everyone involved. That caregiver you mentioned, sounds like they need to be reported/replaced. You don't have to put up with bad behavior. The state of CA is very serious in cases of possible elder abuse. Sending you all some healing energy, I know that pain you described where you have to physically brace yourself for the imminent pain of your coming cough.
Thanks for the kinds words and info. I know that "this too shall pass" as the saying goes it's just damn, it's almost funny how the universe has just lined up everything to hit at the same time.
I called the hotel earlier and we have the room till this coming Monday and then it's booked after that. So... that now makes us having to get our house ready for her even more urgent. Have to get her bed here and install grab bars on the bathroom and various other headaches. Have to move all of the stuff out of the home office. I have to get that going and get the home office setup in our bedroom. The room is fairly large but adding tables and chairs it's going to get tight at some point.
It's hard to do that when you feel like crap. It's hard to do that when your back is hurting and also the time crunch of not being able to leave her mom alone in the hotel to do any of this. I have to figure out a time to schedule movers to get her moms bed and things here. I'm too old for moving stuff. I've done that crap a bunch of times when you're a young kid in school or whatever, everyone helped everyone move. It seemed like every few weeks someone I knew back in the day needed help moving. No more of that crap. I can pay someone else now.
I read somewhere that if you want to know who your real, true friends are, post a comment on your newsfeed that you need help with moving. If I needed to move right now, I'd have to pay for the white glove level - I wouldn't even be able to pack a suitcase.
For the life of me I can't get even a fraction of the stuff I want to get done lately due to a bum shoulder. It totally sucks, because it's a downward spiral. Even though pools are open again, I can't go swim due to the pain. Even getting sufficient rest is a challenge because the searing pain makes it near impossible to find a position where one can manage to release tensions and not feel some level of discomfort.
I have a video appointment for PT lined up soon - can't wait to see how that's going to work. I had PT about 10 years ago for a lower back injury, it involved hands-on manipulation by the therapist three times a week. At this point I'll try anything - I've burned through all my inventory of "the good stuff" I've been stockpiling that was prescribed over the years to deal with pain. Totally legal - stuff like Soma, nothing crazy. Tylenol and Motrin are just not helping, and truth be told, I'd rather find a solution that take pills to numb it.
I read somewhere that if you want to know who your real, true friends are, post a comment on your newsfeed that you need help with moving. If I needed to move right now, I'd have to pay for the white glove level - I wouldn't even be able to pack a suitcase.
For the life of me I can't get even a fraction of the stuff I want to get done lately due to a bum shoulder. It totally sucks, because it's a downward spiral. Even though pools are open again, I can't go swim due to the pain. Even getting sufficient rest is a challenge because the searing pain makes it near impossible to find a position where one can manage to release tensions and not feel some level of discomfort.
I have a video appointment for PT lined up soon - can't wait to see how that's going to work. I had PT about 10 years ago for a lower back injury, it involved hands-on manipulation by the therapist three times a week. At this point I'll try anything - I've burned through all my inventory of "the good stuff" I've been stockpiling that was prescribed over the years to deal with pain. Totally legal - stuff like Soma, nothing crazy. Tylenol and Motrin are just not helping, and truth be told, I'd rather find a solution that take pills to numb it.
I'm so sorry that you are hurting.
You know, there is an odd thing about friends and what they will or won't do for us. I internalized a long time ago that I was on my own to get anything done that needed done in my life, that I can't count on other people, that it's imposing on them and they'll just let me down anyways because no one really wants to help no matter what they say.
Well, I did have some people in my life who were not really reliable or giving. But my husband, who loves his philosophical "bumper sticker" sayings, and has taught me many of them that he reflects on to understand life... He said, you have to be willing to receive.
It's a pretty profound concept to fit into a few words. But that means making connections with people who are giving, and not pushing them away (I've actually woken up to the fact that at times, I've done this, because it doesn't feel natural to have people being generous to me, and I always feel uncomfortably indebted and suspicious of their motives.) And it means sometimes ASKING for what I need, rather than just sitting there trying to muddle through on my own and feeling sad that no one is showing up for me. And it means accepting that I don't have to find a way to balance things by giving something back that is at least equal in value, because these people care about me a lot and there is no debt being incurred.
Hard concepts. I can think about them in my head but it's hard to believe them in my heart.
I wonder if maybe there are people in your life who would want to help you, more than you think, and I wonder.... Have you asked?
That's hard though. Because then, if you do ask, and no one does show up, it's pretty crushing.
Has parallels for some of the romantic struggles we read around here, don't you think?
You know, there is an odd thing about friends and what they will or won't do for us. I internalized a long time ago that I was on my own to get anything done that needed done in my life, that I can't count on other people, that it's imposing on them and they'll just let me down anyways because no one really wants to help no matter what they say.
Well, I did have some people in my life who were not really reliable or giving. But my husband, who loves his philosophical "bumper sticker" sayings, and has taught me many of them that he reflects on to understand life... He said, you have to be willing to receive.
It's a pretty profound concept to fit into a few words. But that means making connections with people who are giving, and not pushing them away (I've actually woken up to the fact that at times, I've done this, because it doesn't feel natural to have people being generous to me, and I always feel uncomfortably indebted and suspicious of their motives.) And it means sometimes ASKING for what I need, rather than just sitting there trying to muddle through on my own and feeling sad that no one is showing up for me. And it means accepting that I don't have to find a way to balance things by giving something back that is at least equal in value, because these people care about me a lot and there is no debt being incurred.
Hard concepts. I can think about them in my head but it's hard to believe them in my heart.
I wonder if maybe there are people in your life who would want to help you, more than you think, and I wonder.... Have you asked?
That's hard though. Because then, if you do ask, and no one does show up, it's pretty crushing.
Has parallels for some of the romantic struggles we read around here, don't you think?
There is a lot of truth in that. One other thing that might be helpful for you to pay attention to Sonic is that there are two types of gratitude, you feel grateful both when you receive help, but you feel even better when you actually help others. It feels good both when someone helps you say change your tire on the side of the road, but the person who is helping you by actually changing your tire also feels pretty good about themselves too. It feels good to help others, this is why the happiest people, tend to volunteer a lot. I have the impression that you are reluctant to ask for help, but pay attention to when someone does actually does help you, you both really do feel better about yourselves when this person helps you. That might help you to actually break down and 'impose' on others when you realize its not that big of an imposition. Just express genuine earned gratitude when this person helps you, we all want that. We also do want to be genuinely acknowledged for helping others, that too is really important. So if you are one of these people who does feel uncomfortable asking help for others, let this person who did help you know that, and how much it meant to you that they did help you. That will make their day.
Even if you don't really care if a guy holds a door open for you, the next time some guy holds a door open for you, genuinely thank the guy for doing that and then notice how this guy lights up when you do acknowledge him doing so. People long to be acknowledged for actually being helpful. Its when people stop acknowledging your helpfulness that people stop bothering to be helpful.
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