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Thanks for the kinds words and info. I know that "this too shall pass" as the saying goes it's just damn, it's almost funny how the universe has just lined up everything to hit at the same time.
“This too shall pass.” Sure, it may pass like a kidney stone. Hope things turn the corner for the better, Chow.
There is a lot of truth in that. One other thing that might be helpful for you to pay attention to Sonic is that there are two types of gratitude, you feel grateful both when you receive help, but you feel even better when you actually help others. It feels good both when someone helps you say change your tire on the side of the road, but the person who is helping you by actually changing your tire also feels pretty good about themselves too. It feels good to help others, this is why the happiest people, tend to volunteer a lot. I have the impression that you are reluctant to ask for help, but pay attention to when someone does actually does help you, you both really do feel better about yourselves when this person helps you. That might help you to actually break down and 'impose' on others when you realize its not that big of an imposition. Just express genuine earned gratitude when this person helps you, we all want that. We also do want to be genuinely acknowledged for helping others, that too is really important. So if you are one of these people who does feel uncomfortable asking help for others, let this person who did help you know that, and how much it meant to you that they did help you. That will make their day.
Even if you don't really care if a guy holds a door open for you, the next time some guy holds a door open for you, genuinely thank the guy for doing that and then notice how this guy lights up when you do acknowledge him doing so. People long to be acknowledged for actually being helpful. Its when people stop acknowledging your helpfulness that people stop bothering to be helpful.
Oh, I definitely thank people for holding doors. I, however, am one who considers door holding to be more about manners than about gender. I hold the door for others, too. And I always thank people who do so for me. I learned to love the little casually friendly social niceties when I moved away from the DC sprawl where they are in relatively short supply, compared to other places I've lived. Those little gestures make life more pleasant for everyone, I have come to believe.
No, it's the bigger things, like moving, where someone has to go out of their way and expend time and effort, maybe even money, where I balk at asking for help.
I just realized, it's not only about the things I said. My Mom is the opposite. She takes advantage. When I was a kid, I remember us going into a restaurant and when she paid the check she told this whole sob story to the waitress about how it was her last dime and she didn't know how she was going to afford to get us home and whatever (I don't recall the details but there were plenty of details...) and this waitress gave her $20. My Mom does a lot of that, trading on people's sympathy for "help." And it disgusted me and made me feel ashamed.
I think part of my excess of self sufficiency might be connected to that, too. Too proud to ask for help, even when it's genuinely needed and genuinely offered.
We get so dang many buttons programmed into our brains, it can take a lifetime to sort them all out, I swear!
Oh, I definitely thank people for holding doors. I, however, am one who considers door holding to be more about manners than about gender. I hold the door for others, too. And I always thank people who do so for me. I learned to love the little casually friendly social niceties when I moved away from the DC sprawl where they are in relatively short supply, compared to other places I've lived. Those little gestures make life more pleasant for everyone, I have come to believe.
No, it's the bigger things, like moving, where someone has to go out of their way and expend time and effort, maybe even money, where I balk at asking for help.
I just realized, it's not only about the things I said. My Mom is the opposite. She takes advantage. When I was a kid, I remember us going into a restaurant and when she paid the check she told this whole sob story to the waitress about how it was her last dime and she didn't know how she was going to afford to get us home and whatever (I don't recall the details but there were plenty of details...) and this waitress gave her $20. My Mom does a lot of that, trading on people's sympathy for "help." And it disgusted me and made me feel ashamed.
I think part of my excess of self sufficiency might be connected to that, too. Too proud to ask for help, even when it's genuinely needed and genuinely offered.
We get so dang many buttons programmed into our brains, it can take a lifetime to sort them all out, I swear!
Forget what the Buddha said, overcoming the mind trips our parents placed in our heads is my highest form of enlightenment. If you can do that, that is pretty much the modern day equivalent of walking across the rice paper without leaving a footprint.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
LOL @ kidney stone.
I had a coworker that told me that passing a kidney stone was the worst pain he's ever had. This was a big dude, 6'4" and about 300 pounds.
Kidney stones are awful. My mom had one and even with ultra sound breaking it up, it hurt a lot.
Forget what the Buddha said, overcoming the mind trips our parents placed in our heads is my highest form of enlightenment. If you can do that, that is pretty much the modern day equivalent of walking across the rice paper without leaving a footprint.
Kidney stones are awful. My mom had one and even with ultra sound breaking it up, it hurt a lot.
Yea, they are real bad. A co-worker had one and had to be taken to the hospital.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Just so everyone knows, when you call a guy who is proudly stating he beat the hell out of his girlfriend, and his girlfriend is a friend of yours, so naturally you call him a coward and a punk in defense of your friend, Facebook will reward you with a one week suspension of your account to protect the wifebeater.
Being suspended from something is nothing new to me and I won’t lose any sleep over this one. But Facebook is softer than the Houston Texans right now. So may as well start packing for my move since I got a few days to kill now, lol.
Just so everyone knows, when you call a guy who is proudly stating he beat the hell out of his girlfriend, and his girlfriend is a friend of yours, so naturally you call him a coward and a punk in defense of your friend, Facebook will reward you with a one week suspension of your account to protect the wifebeater.
Being suspended from something is nothing new to me and I won’t lose any sleep over this one. But Facebook is softer than the Houston Texans right now. So may as well start packing for my move since I got a few days to kill now, lol.
Wow, that's insane. Screw Facebook, and especially screw Zuckerbot.
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