How to deal with a pregnant teen (newborn, weigh, chart)
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Ultimately it doesn't really matter what the OP does or does not want. Her opinion in that area of her daughters life is not one that will factor into things.
I did not get the impression the OP was actively encouraging one thing over another. And to say heropinion is not one that will factor into things isn't necessarily the case. That's what Finster's point was. If the OP were to start getting all wrapped up and excited about being a grandmother, it absolutely pressures (intended or not) the daughter into sticking with that decision even if she'd like to consider other options after thinking about it for awhile. Finster is not encouraging one thing or another but advocating that by remaining neutral, it ensures the decision is the daughter's and is one made without the pressure of her mother's opinion or feelings. Young women, with close family (like the OPs seems to be) do value their parents opinions and still often seek to please their parents. This choice is too important to be based on that. It will be life altering regardless of her choice. The decision must be one she can own - and not resent someone else for pressuring her one way or another.
I did not get the impression the OP was actively encouraging one thing over another. And to say heropinion is not one that will factor into things isn't necessarily the case. That's what Finster's point was. If the OP were to start getting all wrapped up and excited about being a grandmother, it absolutely pressures (intended or not) the daughter into sticking with that decision even if she'd like to consider other options after thinking about it for awhile. Finster is not encouraging one thing or another but advocating that by remaining neutral, it ensures the decision is the daughter's and is one made without the pressure of her mother's opinion. Because young women, with close family (like the OPs seems to be) do value their parents opinions and still often seek to please their parents. This choice is too important to be based on that. It will be life altering regardless of her choice. The decision must be one she can own - and not resent someone else for pressuring her one way or another.
That's fine. And you certainly made it heard. But ultimately it's not about the grandparents.
It's early days. There's a danger of unduly influencing the kids into not doing what's right for them by being over the top either way. A bit like what the bf's parents are doing. Kinda hard to make your own choices when people are planning your life for you.
I did not get the impression the OP was actively encouraging one thing over another. And to say heropinion is not one that will factor into things isn't necessarily the case. That's what Finster's point was. If the OP were to start getting all wrapped up and excited about being a grandmother, it absolutely pressures (intended or not) the daughter into sticking with that decision even if she'd like to consider other options after thinking about it for awhile. Finster is not encouraging one thing or another but advocating that by remaining neutral, it ensures the decision is the daughter's and is one made without the pressure of her mother's opinion or feelings. Young women, with close family (like the OPs seems to be) do value their parents opinions and still often seek to please their parents. This choice is too important to be based on that. It will be life altering regardless of her choice. The decision must be one she can own - and not resent someone else for pressuring her one way or another.
Jersey, keep a close eye on your husband. His child's unplanned teenage pregnancy is a big shock, and he may have a bad reaction to it, especially if he has no one to talk to about it. He may be quietly suffering, and working nights can be lonely and depressing.
I continue to be amazed at how well you have handled this.
You have continued to paint an incredibly bleak picture of your own life and repeatedly recommended abortion, so I stand by what I said and don't consider it overly dramatic at all.
Actually, she's an illustration that we only see the tip of the ice burg in anyone's life. You were judging her by what you've read here. Which is hardly the full picture. She's shared other things about her life in other threads. She has a family and is extremely successful in a male-dominated profession. Like rockin' successful.
You saw something and glommed onto it to reach a certain conclusion. Perhaps you should have asked about her life as an adult?
Finster worked hard to spin gold from straw. I've known people who were born into what looked like golden families. From the outside. ....... Dang. Some of those families, who worked hard to present the image of a wonderful, loving family (including the requisite Christmas card photo of everyone wearing matching sweaters) were the most screwed up messes you can imagine.
Jersey, keep a close eye on your husband. His child's unplanned teenage pregnancy is a big shock, and he may have a bad reaction to it, especially if he has no one to talk to about it. He may be quietly suffering, and working nights can be lonely and depressing.
I continue to be amazed at how well you have handled this.
I work with a guy like that -- he was horribly shocked by his unmarried young daughter's pregnancy. He was so saddened by it, he didn't want anyone at work to know, only told a couple people.
Now that little granddaughter of his has him completely wrapped around her little finger, he absolutely adores her. He even says now that it's much funner having her along with them on their camping trips and he's even happy to be a young-enough grandfather that can be active and in her life.
Time seems to heal a whole lot of wounds and can change the way we see things a lot.
The thing about parenting, is that no one ever should have promised us it was all going to be easy all the time. And there are much worse things that can happen, the OP's daughter plans to finish her education and even if she can't get it all done right away, nothing stops her from continuing later on.
There are serious issues that young single parents have to deal with that can have consequences for the child that exists for them when all the little heartbeat excitement is over for the grandparents.
And actually, it does hold more merit. Because if it always turned out rainbows and unicorns, this wouldn't be a cause of concern for the OP now, would it?
No parent should ever expect all rainbows and unicorns. If a parent drags a child in for an abortion, that doesn't always make for marvelous endings 100% of the time. I know of a family that did that, their 17 year old daughter hid a pregnancy from them until she was 7 months along, they were able to get an abortionist to "take care of it" and their daughter committed suicide a couple weeks after getting out of the hospital. Another woman I know had a mother who suggested abortion both times she was pregnant, the first while married, the second after she divorced the guy but they stayed friends with benefits and both are involved with their kids. She despises her mother.
A woman I work with is heartbroken because her daughter who did everything right, got her degree, is married, they both have great jobs, good incomes, a beautiful home. The daughter is over 30, married 6 years, and has gone through IVF with no success, now trying to start the adoption process before it's too late. Her mother aches for her because in spite of their material wealth, the daughter wants a child more than anything. You can do it all perfectly, have everything in place for a child -- and then there's no child.
There are serious issues that all parents have to deal with, not just young parents.
No parent should ever expect all rainbows and unicorns. If a parent drags a child in for an abortion, that doesn't always make for marvelous endings 100% of the time. I know of a family that did that, their 17 year old daughter hid a pregnancy from them until she was 7 months along, they were able to get an abortionist to "take care of it" and their daughter committed suicide a couple weeks after getting out of the hospital. Another woman I know had a mother who suggested abortion both times she was pregnant, the first while married, the second after she divorced the guy but they stayed friends with benefits and both are involved with their kids. She despises her mother.
A woman I work with is heartbroken because her daughter who did everything right, got her degree, is married, they both have great jobs, good incomes, a beautiful home. The daughter is over 30, married 6 years, and has gone through IVF with no success, now trying to start the adoption process before it's too late. Her mother aches for her because in spite of their material wealth, the daughter wants a child more than anything. You can do it all perfectly, have everything in place for a child -- and then there's no child.
There are serious issues that all parents have to deal with, not just young parents.
How were they able to get a doctor to take care of it?
No parent should ever expect all rainbows and unicorns. If a parent drags a child in for an abortion, that doesn't always make for marvelous endings 100% of the time. I know of a family that did that, their 17 year old daughter hid a pregnancy from them until she was 7 months along, they were able to get an abortionist to "take care of it" and their daughter committed suicide a couple weeks after getting out of the hospital. Another woman I know had a mother who suggested abortion both times she was pregnant, the first while married, the second after she divorced the guy but they stayed friends with benefits and both are involved with their kids. She despises her mother.
A woman I work with is heartbroken because her daughter who did everything right, got her degree, is married, they both have great jobs, good incomes, a beautiful home. The daughter is over 30, married 6 years, and has gone through IVF with no success, now trying to start the adoption process before it's too late. Her mother aches for her because in spite of their material wealth, the daughter wants a child more than anything. You can do it all perfectly, have everything in place for a child -- and then there's no child.
There are serious issues that all parents have to deal with, not just young parents.
Of course, but the subject of the this thread IS young parents.
And I'm sorry, but I don't suggest dragging anyone anywhere for anything.
My very point was that the OP should try and remain neutral while being supportive of her child. It's very easy to place the blame later on parental influence if things don't work out well for the OP's daughter.
Thanks for the back up on that.
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