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Why don't you ask a Marine? Those in the military would understand this concept of respecting authority
I asked you. You are asserting that blind acquiescence to authority is valuable in the context of a child and someone else' parent. I have no trouble understanding the chain of command in the military.
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Everyone in life has to answer to someone else on a regular basis or just bend to the authority of others.
When you don't you risk everything from financial ruin (loss of a job) to potential arrest or even death.
Teens are not yet adults. They are not on the same level as adults because they have not reached the point in life where they know enough to be in complete charge of themselves.
Teaching kids/teens to respect adults in authority is character building.
It is good practice for the self-discipline they will need to be civilized, productive adults in a few short years.
I am all for making sure the son understood the possible consequences of his actions. Even more so am I all for allowing said child to face the ultimate consequences of any of his actions.
I continue to think that that is a far better lesson that mewling to an supposed authority.
That's true. I don't think sucking up to power is a particularly attractive way to live, but we're all different.
I don't think it's a very nice way to live either, but at some point you have to pick your battles.
My original input into this thread was that the OP seemed too caught up in the drama. I think by far the better approach would be to tell her son that the girl's dad seems very controlling and the situation appears unfair to the kids, but as long as the girl is a minor living with her father, the dad gets to decide whether she dates or not. The OP should caution her son to abide by the dad's rules or risk the consequences, whatever they may be. Then she needs to butt out.
I asked you. You are asserting that blind acquiescence to authority is valuable in the context of a child and someone else' parent. I have no trouble understanding the chain of command in the military.
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And I answered you with the rest of my post after I made my point about the military
And nobody else has to help them do it if they think they are loons. Or even make it easier.
You don't like "authority" much do you?
I have not said people (adults) should never question authority - of course there are times when an injustice is being perpetrated that call for adults to stand up to and against it.
But we are discussing something entirely different that you are taking way tooooo personally.
Who are you really angry at - the police? an ex wife? God?
Not much. I like my own authority as a parent well enough, but I don't expect everyone on earth to go out of their way to defer to it, except as it involves my private business within my own home; and I don't go out of my way to cater to anyone else's.
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Who are you really angry at - the police? an ex wife? God?
People with such an undue respect for authority that it nullifies their humanity. Most of the military, for instance.
And nobody else has to help them do it if they think they are loons. Or even make it easier.
Agreed.
If the girl's parents merely forbid her from dating or seeing this boy, assuming they had a genuine reason, that would be one thing (although even then, they could have handled it MUCH better than they did). But to forbid all communication?? Someone said the girl's parents might end up sending her across the country --- that's not going to stop email communication.
Unless something terrible, like physical abuse, was going on, I see nothing wrong with the young couple staying in touch via email. I believe the parents are out of line in trying to dictate who their daughter can and cannot speak to on the phone or email. That is just weird and unhealthy control. I do not consider it age-appropriate "authority" that is to be respected. For all we know, the parents could be completely over-the-top crazies.
I think it is admirable that OPs son is willing to keep his parents informed of what's going on, as far as the emails. I do hope OP is helping son to realize the near impossibility that this can turn into a happy normal relationship anytime soon. At any rate, I wish OP and her family the best of luck with all of this.
I think loves key word that should be highlighted is RESPECT. The father has no authority over the boy, granted.
But the boy should show RESPECT to his GF's father because of his high regard for the girl and do as asked for a time anyway until things change. Going behind GF's father's back - even if she initiated it- the boy should 'man up' and refuse to act like a sneaky child. Be a man.
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Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Again, I have not said the girls parents have authority over him, only that because they do have authority over her and they are the adults in the situation, he needs to respect their wishes whether he likes them or agrees with them.
Things he could be convicted of (the parents could lie on him, and the girl out of fear may support their lies):
- Harassment
- Sexual Assault
- Kidnapping
- Trespassing
- Contributing to the deliquency of a minor (this is possible for mom)
Am I missing something, or is the extent of the relationship at this point merely email???
How can you jump to kidnapping, sexual assault, etc?????
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