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If it's not much of a difference, you don't have much of a point, and my statement stands: they are not butting in, they are staying out.
I think that Mom is doing neither. At least neither effectively. Since they are listening and empathizing (and even relishing a little) the drama that is going on, they are not quite out. But they are also not exploring, in these conversations, the risk here. A. If this boy cares about this girl, is one of the things that he is discussing with her the ramifications and possible consequences of her actions? If they are practicing at relationships, this is good practice too. B. Have they discussed with him the possible consequences to him? The parents don't have to agree with the other parents to recognize that a parent who wants to be protective of their little princess may not be rational when they find out about the sneaking. Who needs to go through the who proved what nonsense with thumb drives???!! Would that proving business be before or after the girl's parents accuse the boy of goodness only knows what.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? No way. I would fear the father who perceives his daughter was ill used regardless of whether it was pure fiction or not.
they have an obligation to tell their son not to ignore her parents' rules. It's akin to asking your neighbor to keep your dog off their grass. Just because you don't believe in leashing your dog, doesn't mean it's ok to let him poop next door.
The grass is YOUR grass, you get to determine, by law, what goes on on your grass. These parents have no obligation to that child or her family whatsoever. The son does, by decency and caring. But the parents. No.
they have an obligation to tell their son not to ignore her parents' rules. It's akin to asking your neighbor to keep your dog off their grass. Just because you don't believe in leashing your dog, doesn't mean it's ok to let him poop next door.
What happens at their house and what happens in the rest of the world are two different things. Why do they have more of an obligation to the parents than the 7-11 guy would? What is the basis for this obligation?
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? No way. I would fear the father who perceives his daughter was ill used regardless of whether it was pure fiction or not.
I would "relish" putting such a father in jail if he messed with my son in any way.
Moderator Cut
Last edited by Jaded; 05-16-2013 at 10:01 AM..
Reason: Argumentative
What happens at their house and what happens in the rest of the world are two different things. Why do they have more of an obligation to the parents than the 7-11 guy would? What is the basis for this obligation?
I don't condone what her parents did, but you condoning your son's continued contact with her is not going to end well.
Put yourself in her parents place, how would you feel?
I am not condoning this actions...I am ignoring his actions. Petty difference to be sure, but it I told him to stop emailing her...do you really think he would? I'd rather know what he is doing than have him sneaking around behind my back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu
The way I see it, this sneaky e mail business is way better than crawling out the window at night or involving friends in clandestine meetings. We knew this would happen.
I agree.
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Originally Posted by Hickory patrick
As a father of 2 girls, I would sure wish some boys parent would respect my wish..if not I promise it will get ugly, Its not a game..
Nope, it's not a game. I am also the mother of 2 girls. Tell me, what would you do if you told your 16 yr. old daughter to not talk to a boy she's been dating for almost a year (you even go so far as to take her phone away and lock the computer at home), but she still finds a way to contact this boy? Who would you lash out at? Him or her? She's your kid...control her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GER308
The are teenagers, If they want to communicate they will. The more you try and control the more irrelevant you as a parent become. I can´t imagine trying to control my daughter like the girls father. Whats next chaining her in the basement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow
I know that you care about your son and I hope you don't take this wrong, but I think you're too involved in this situation. I thought the same thing last week when you were talking about crushing his heart. This isn't your teenage affair or heartache--it's theirs. Other than tell your son not to go over there because her father has forbidden it, I think you need to step back. You seem to be increasing the drama level when, IMO, you should be trying to decrease it.
Many people told me that I shouldn't have been involved last week. So, now I've stepped away and that's not right either. I do believe I said that parenting sucks sometimes last week...lol. How am I increasing it? How should I decrease it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
Oh please, you're not telling me anything that I don't already know. This isn't about letting him go. It's about not inflicting your own parenting beliefs onto to someone else. The boy's parents know what they're up to and haven't done their duty by telling him not to contact her. I know that wouldn't have stopped him, but now that they know it's going on, they share the blame for whatever happens. If he hadn't have told them, then the kids would be the only ones. The kids are asking for trouble, and his parents need to take responsibility for it, too.
Ha! NOT my duty to tell her parents they are communicating. I am taking responsibility for protecting my son (copying emails to memory card).
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Originally Posted by djacques
It's not their duty.
Agreed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
Actually, it is. Her parents have forbidden her to date. You tell your son he can't. After that, it's up to him to either respect it or risk trouble for her.
Oh by the way, just because she may "e-mail him first' doesn't make it her fault. They had to both establish those e-mail accounts before that first message is sent. He's just as much at fault as she is. And his parents for knowing about this and not following thru with it. He should have kept his mouth shut and not told his parents.
Not following through with what? I am following through with my son. I am reading his emails to be sure they are approriate. I will be the last person to tell him he's an idiot for being honest with me...would it be better if he lied to me?!
Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques
If she doesn't mind risking trouble, that's her choice. Her parents have no right to expect everyone else in society to be their enforcement device.
This is not butting in (on the OP's part), it's staying out.
If the girl doesn't respect her own parents enough to follow their rules, that is their problem. I may forbid my kid to read comic books or drink Coke or do anything else, but I can't get upset at the guy at 7-11 if he sells my kid a comic book.
Agreed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
Ugh.. you don't seem to understand what I'm saying. Why is that? I didn't say the OP was butting in. But they're certainly facilitating the behavior. Not much of a difference.
Yes, it is her choice, and it's his to choose to either help her get in trouble and make things worse or not. I wonder if the OP pointed that out to him?
And right, you don't get upset with the guy at 7-11... if you have enough sense, you get upset with your kids. How come you don't know that?
So, when the parents find out and come back to take to his parents, his parents have no choice but to share the blame along with their son.
His parents have the obligation to not actively facilitate the situation, such as allowing her at their house to visit, and telling him not to communicate with her. What does is his problem and his responsibility to accept any consequences that may result from this. And his parents should tell him that.
We have told him that. Her parents can come back to us and get told to get lost...they can handle their daughter whatever way they want, but I will handle my son in whatever way I want.
Quote:
Originally Posted by djacques
If it's not much of a difference, you don't have much of a point, and my statement stands: they are not butting in, they are staying out.
The guy at 7-11 doesn't have any obligations to me as a parent whatsoever. The OP and her kid, likewise, have no obligation to the girl's parents whatsoever.
They don't have to let her parents into their house at all.
An obligation derived from what? From the law? There is no relevant one. From a sense of respect? If they don't feel one, they don't feel one. I probably wouldn't either, as I regard such parents as basically trash.
Agree with all of this!
Quote:
Originally Posted by NEOhioBound
They are teenagers. This is to be expected. They will test boundaries. There also comes an age when you truly can't dictate feelings, if you try, they push back and resent. It isn't worth it. Let your kids grow up and teach them to be responsible.
It was never stated, I don't believe, but what is the age of the girl?
She is 16 and a junior in high school. He is 17 and a junior in high school.
The grass is YOUR grass, you get to determine, by law, what goes on on your grass. These parents have no obligation to that child or her family whatsoever. The son does, by decency and caring. But the parents. No.
The daughter is her parents' grass, and his parents need to tell him to stay off of it.
I would "relish" putting such a father in jail if he messed with my son in any way.
(And don't you just know they are probably Bible-thumping slimeballs lol)
And that is a bit of fun to relish? You don't get to "put the father in jail". They have these pesky courts and stuff. A tempest in a teapot that is better just avoided with a sensible approach to using this as a learning opportunity for the entire family.
I am not even suggesting TELLING the son to DO anything. Just understand the other family's PoV and understand the potential consequences.
I would "relish" putting such a father in jail if he messed with my son in any way.
(And don't you just know they are probably Bible-thumping slimeballs lol)
Oh... I get it... it's different when it's your own? Yeah... right....
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