How Do You Make Friends in NOVA? (Arlington, Fairfax: transplants, how much)

[normie]

I also disagree with the idea that suburbs have no community spirit. Personally, I think the opposite is true, that they tend to have a lot more events and activities (probably due to the fact that they have a lot more home owners than renters. Renters are often too transient to spend much time developing friendships or building community programs that take years to develop.)

It's too bad that you didn't want advice on where to find friends. I get it, you just want to gripe. If you'd actually try some of those ideas, you might end up a lot happier. I'm sorry you've had bad luck with meet-up groups. I've had excellent luck with mine. But, if you feel the meet up groups don't stay together long enough, try something like Sterling Playmakers, which has been around for years. They put on 6-7 productions every year and the cast is pretty tight. Get involved with them and you'll have plenty of friends.

[normie]

Originally Posted by CAVA1990

It's amazing how much a community pool contributes to forming and maintaining neighborhood relationships. I've pretty much met everyone there as it's where we hold a lot of our community functions and its upkeep brings a lot of us together. I don't think I'd live in a place that didn't have such a central hang out spot. It's worth every penny in dues.

I agree--although for me it's the gym. I've gotten connected to so many people here at Cascades because of the gym (and because of a walking group some of the regulars created). If you go to the community center here you can find out about a Green Team, a group that puts on a 10 K (and other groups that practise for it), a seniors group, and a wine tasting group. There are also informal groups that your neighbors will tell you about, mostly book clubs, Bible studies, and the like.

Your local library is also a good place to join a group. My book club at Cascades library has been going for more than 10 years.

[reebo]

It's time once again for our quarterly let's-bash-the-suburbs-by-claiming-everybody-there-is-unfriendly silliness. Ho hum. Well, you're entitled to your opinion. It's annoying that now I have to waste my time again on this BS. One of these days I'll dig up all the threads we've had on this dead horse and keep them in a handy file so I can just cut and paste. Meanwhile, since I haven't done that yet, I guess I have to waste my time writing a reply so that we don't mislead people who are trying to move here.

Tee hee! Look at Normie getting all fiesty. I don't think I've seen that much. I agree with you, Normie. Also with the "Why does everyone in NoVa think they're better than everyone else? drive expensive cars? flaunt their wealth" threads.

[HEATHER72]

Originally Posted by Fairfax Mom

I have a hard time making friends here. I really think people are too busy for friends or have all their old friends from Virginia Tech and dont need any more.

Laughing, but I have to agree with you Fairfax Mom... if you're not a Hokie, you're not part of the club. Must be a VA Tech alumni or a George Mason alumni and must drink beer and play football. A lot of my neighbors that are locals are extremely "cliquey" and don't seem to be open to new friends. *shrugs*

[Gottasay]

Originally Posted by reebo

We moved in to a new community--everyone was new so most people were looking to make friends, or at least, to know their neighbors. That said, there is a faction that I never saw--the garage door goes up, the car goes in, the garage door goes down and they're never seen outside, even the people with kids.

Some people have a good reason to close the garage door: stink bugs and burglars.

[Caladium]

When we moved to Loudoun, we already had a lot of friends in Herndon. However, I wanted to meet a few of the people in Loudoun, too. I made a point of getting out and walking around the block, saying hello to people, etc. It's not like I made lifelong buddies that way, but I know about half the neighbors now, and feel close enough to them that if I see them out, I'll walk over and chat for awhile. I've become pretty good friends with the people next door as well as another couple who live nearby and we've gotten together a few times to play cards. That's my idea of a great friendship. I don't need someone who's going to stop by every night, I prefer a friend to play cards with once in awhile.

I also have a lot of friends from a church group I belonged to for a few years. Even though the group disbanded, most of us still get together a few times a year and we're pretty tight. We have a killer Christmas Cookie party! That's about as much socializing as I want to do these days. It's not like Monica and Chandler and Ross and Rachel and Joey and Phoebe come over every night, but my life was never like that anyway. I see my friends maybe once or twice a month, and that's perfect for me.

[FairfaxGuy73]

I'm actually fascinated with the Cascades. It's HUGE. Something like 7,000? people. The HOA even has it's own Loudoun County cop assigned to it. Typically 1/3 to (less frequent?) 1/2 acre lots. Nice area, although near or in there are lots of townhouses and I don't know anything about the schools.

Normie's situation probably apples to seniors, but I'm not sure so much for others. Just the same, if anyone wants to expound on the Cascades, I'd love to hear about it. Can't say I'm 100 percent on where I chose to live. That's for sure.

[bmwguydc]

Let's please discuss the topic and not each other, thank you. Also, with respect to this thread, I am confused by the exurb term as that's not Northern Virginia. Northern Virginia is suburban, so let's keep the discussion local, and relevant to the forum. Thank you.


One other thing to consider is that friends/lack of friends has more to do with the individual than the area in many respects. There are threads in the NYC forum, where people who live in the five boroughs have difficulty making friends, for example. So, it's not a stretch to say that it could be difficult for some in Northern Virgnia's suburbs, but much of that has to do with one's own lifestyle and openness as opposed to a location being the untimate determinant of social interaction -- though I do agree that some areas have a higher degree of friendliness than others.

[Caladium]

Originally Posted by FairfaxGuy73

Normie's situation probably apples to seniors, but I'm not sure so much for others.

FWIW, I'm not a senior. I'm in my 40s. I do have kids, however, and that may be part of the reason I've had no trouble making friends here. My old neighborhood in Herndon was also very close. In both cases we did things like having block parties, BBQs and shooting off fireworks on July 4th. Things like that help you get to know the neighbors.

One thing I think may have been a factor is both my streets had cul de sacs. I'm a huge fan of cul de sacs. Something about them draws people to hang out together, have a beer, say hello, and watch the kids play.

If you're moving here and looking for a friendly street, I recommend driving by a house in the late afternoon or early evening and seeing how many people are out. Remember, you're not just buying a house you're buying a neighborhood.

[SteelCityRising]

I think the image you project of yourself is key to your relative successes vs. failures in establishing and solidifying meaningful social relationships. I come off as a jerk, apparently, on this sub-forum due to my disdain for the traffic-inducing urban sprawl that most of you love, but in real life I'm a vivacious person who is always smiling and trying to make others laugh. People are attracted to and naturally gravitate towards people who have a positive aura about them. People like to surround themselves with people who help to make them feel happier---not detract from their quality-of-life. Show ambition, passion, and genuine zeal for life, and people will want to be around you more often. Project an "Eeyore" personality, and people will abandon you like the plague.

Earlier this year I endured a bout of severe depression that climaxed with a suicide attempt. Up until that point in time I was loved. I was a party-starter, organizer, and was one of a select few people who were "glue" that adhered a very large social network together. People looked up to me. When my life took a turn for the worse people suddenly bailed left and right. When I asked why nobody had really been hanging out with anyone else, I was told that everyone had just been too busy to socialize. I later learned I was intentionally excluded from social functions because people didn't like being near to someone who spent so much time crying or wanting to do himself in. I was disgusted initially by what I perceived to be a lack of "loyalty", especially since I went out of my way myself so much to try to help others, but now in the end I've made peace with that by having decided to move to Pittsburgh to find a fresh start for myself.

Be confident in yourself, and others will align themselves towards you. Project an aura of "woe is me" or "life sucks", and people will avoid you like the plague. Sadly after receiving treatment for my illness I'm now finding it's too late to pick up the pieces as very few wish to be open to reconciliation after having abandoned me, so I need to move on away from the "staleness" here. NoVA chewed me up and spit me out. Initially my go-getter personality made me a star here with so many friends I couldn't keep up. Now I feel like I belong on the "Island of Misfit Toys", so I'm leaving.

I urge others to heed my advice. If you're feeling blue, then HIDE your emotions. Bury them deep within you. Don't vent. Don't talk about what ails you. The moment you do is the moment you'll lose everything that matters in life.