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By your post, anything done for anyone else is manipulative.
If a friend invites you for coffee and you then return the invitation, is that manipulative (with a goal of getting the friend to remain a friend)? Yes, based on your posts, but no in real life.
She visited my elderly relative because she is a kind and caring person.
If we respond with silence, she may think that her visit was not appreciated.
Her visit WAS certainly appreciated; she is well-liked and I want her to feel welcome.
That’s all it is.
That’s NOT all it is. To quote your original post: ”but I think I need to return the favor of a visit, if anything to encourage the friend to drop by to check on my elderly family member.”
That’s NOT all it is. To quote your original post: ”but I think I need to return the favor of a visit, if anything to encourage the friend to drop by to check on my elderly family member.”
I think the OP has explained this thoroughly. This lady made a visit to his elderly relative. The elderly relative did not reciprocate or acknowledge the thoughtful visit therefore he wished to keep the line of communication open and family friendship active in case this lady thinks her well wishes were not appreciated. By visiting and acknowledging this lady's loss he may accomplish this (showing gratitude) AS WELL AS expressing his empathy.
Right. Even though the OP's relative who was visited "doesn't care" it's nice that this woman stopped by. It isn't manipulative to hope that she continues to do so, and it's nice to go a step further and send flowers if that's what OP wants to do - even after already having sent a card.
It sounds like the difficult person in this scenario is the person who was visited. Perhaps we actually shouldn't blame their indifference or even crankiness if they are in ill health and bedridden. Sometimes healthy people forget to place themselves in someone else's shoes.
I think the OP has explained this thoroughly. This lady made a visit to his elderly relative. The elderly relative did not reciprocate or acknowledge the thoughtful visit therefore he wished to keep the line of communication open and family friendship active in case this lady thinks her well wishes were not appreciated. By visiting and acknowledging this lady's loss he may accomplish this (showing gratitude) AS WELL AS expressing his empathy.
An old (but not close) family friend is suddenly a widow. She’s in her late 70s. I need to go pay her a visit because she was kind enough to drop by and visit a suddenly single elderly family member of mine (due to a spouse’s death). The elderly family member couldn’t care less, but I think I need to return the favor of a visit, if anything to encourage the friend to drop by to check on my elderly family member.
When the family friend visited, I think that she came unannounced and brought a nice flower. So I am thinking of doing the same.
The local grocery store just has 3 for $12 bouquets in plastic bags; is that tacky to bring or should I stop by a florist and get something nicer?
I assume that I can just ring the doorbell and explain that I just wanted to drop by but that I don’t expect to be invited in (and I should decline an invitation to come in), since the visit will be unexpected? (When I was a church volunteer and was assigned to visit people, it never went well and I think that I just stayed too long; after that, I want to keep a visit to five minutes at most, and hopefully not come inside.)
If she’s not there, I just leave the flowers maybe by her garage (so she’ll see them)?
Would some nice food be a better gift?
Thanks!
Muffins, woman... Muffins! Blueberry!
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