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Some of these responses are really over the top. Do what you feel is right.
Thanks, I appreciate it. The family friend has dropped by multiple times over the years without calling in advance, and I thought it was fine; lots of family friends (in their 70s and 80s) also have dropped by just to leave a card or the like and declined my invitations to come in. I thought that it was nice of them to come by even if it was unannounced. But in this thread, it seems like every approach is the wrong one.
I think I will send a card, but that just seems kind of cold to me when the family friend has come by in person.
I went to the family friend’s husband’s funeral and did send a card afterwards as well. I am very introverted and have been told that I come across as shy and standoffish so I figure that if I act 10 times friendlier than I am comfortable with, then it’s a normal level of friendliness.
i would never drop in on someone unannounced,
particularly an older person.
consider calling when you are close by and say "I'm in the area and would love to stop by and say hi. Is this a good time"
i think drop-in visits are awful.
for older people, they may not have their teeth in, they may not have their wig on, they may have stained clothing on, they may be doing chores and not dressed for guests, they may be in the shower or on the phone. drop in visits are disruptive and can be startling and feel invasive.
the exception would be if someone is in the hospital, by all means drop in and visit.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 01-02-2023 at 10:04 AM..
As a widow, I would not have wanted someone that I hardly know, coming to my home unannounced shortly after his death.
I think sending a condolence card with your telephone number and a note saying something like, "If you'd like some company or to go out for a coffee, please call me," and leave it up to them whether or not they want to contact you.
i would never drop in on someone unannounced,
particularly an older person.
consider calling when you are close by and say "I'm in the area and would love to stop by and say hi. Is this a good time"
i think drop-in visits are awful.
for older people, they may not have their teeth in, they may not have their wig on, they may have stained clothing on, they may be doing chores and not dressed for guests, they may be in the shower or on the phone. drop in visits are disruptive and can be startling and feel invasive.
the exception would be if someone is in the hospital, by all means drop in and visit.
I disagree with the hospital visits. Only if you know them very well and they want visitors, which many people don't.
I disagree with the hospital visits. Only if you know them very well and they want visitors, which many people don't.
OK true story time.
My dad was in the hospital after a very serious stroke. Some friends of his (and I use that term loosely) who were in his Sunday School class, came by to visit. While they were there, the neurologist came in and began talking to me about REMOVING HIS LIFE SUPPORT. These people would not leave - it's like they were glued to the drama. I was in a state of shock, to be honest, but thankfully my oldest daughter, who is bossier than I am (if that's even possible) walked over to them, grabbed each by one elbow, and said, as she escorted them out of the room "I believe it's time for you to go." My personal hero!
So please, if a person drops by the hospital, bring flowers or something or other, and leave quickly. And DEFINITELY leave if a doctor drops by! Lord have mercy!
For the “I want to encourage her to visit my elderly relative”: I would never ever ask her to come check on my relative (or do anything for us). She was kind enough to visit my relative, and I just want her to know that we are grateful for her and for who she is. I figure that if she received only silence in response to her visiting my relative, she wouldn’t go back. But if she understands that we like and appreciate her, hopefully that’ll encourage her to come back.
I don’t know her phone number and it would be strange for me to call her randomly. How about if I leave a bouquet of flowers and a card for her, maybe in her front porch or garage entrance, and don’t even knock?
In my area it is not uncommon to drop by unannounced at the homes of family/friends and friends of family. Most dont consider it rude. Did this lady just drop in on your relative? If so I'm sure she would not be offended by it.
I say if she invites you in, go in. When I was young, I worked for a government office that provided various services. I somehow ended up volunteering to deliver commodities to some elderly shut in widows in the area. They were always very grateful for visitors and I actually visited a few of them for a while on my own time because they were lonely. Elderly single women are the most invisible people on earth.
I think she would appreciate your visit.
Did this lady just drop in on your relative? If so I'm sure she would not be offended by it.
Thanks. Yes, she dropped by unannounced to see my relative. I recall that she dropped by unannounced to give me a high school graduation gift decades ago. And family friends are constantly dropping by unannounced to see my elderly relative; nobody calls in advance if it’s just coming by to drop off something.
My dad was in the hospital after a very serious stroke. Some friends of his (and I use that term loosely) who were in his Sunday School class, came by to visit. While they were there, the neurologist came in and began talking to me about REMOVING HIS LIFE SUPPORT. These people would not leave - it's like they were glued to the drama. I was in a state of shock, to be honest, but thankfully my oldest daughter, who is bossier than I am (if that's even possible) walked over to them, grabbed each by one elbow, and said, as she escorted them out of the room "I believe it's time for you to go."
Thanks. Yes, she dropped by unannounced to see my relative. I recall that she dropped by unannounced to give me a high school graduation gift decades ago. And family friends are constantly dropping by unannounced to see my elderly relative; nobody calls in advance if it’s just coming by to drop off something.
I'm actually surprised by the number of posters who are against dropping by. That used to be a normal, common, neighborly thing. People enjoyed visitors. It is no wonder there is so much talk about isolation and loneliness.
I still think if this woman is accustomed to dropping by she would welcome an unannounced visit. I think it is very kind of you to want to acknowledge this woman in her time of loss.
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