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I'm still confused as to why your first few posts claimed the dinning room wasn't used because there weren't enough people, but now there were too many people to use that table.
Me too. Not enough to use the dining room. But wait, the dining room won't hold that many.
They were teenagers, not little kids. But wait, there was a teenager, a tween, and a little kid.
There was plenty of seating in the kitchen but then the SD & fiance arrived & suddenly there wasn't enough seats.
You did the majority of the cooking, but the MIL brought the main, fruit salad, and a ton of desserts.
She didn't eat either your food or the MIL's food yet you were still offended.
She took an empty seat and you were offended. You said you were getting a refill. Do you mean refilling a drink or getting seconds? Did you leave your plate at your spot?
You said this was all informal, yet you act as if this was some sort of formal dinner.
Moral of the story - do not invite more people than you have seats for. If you invite 20 people over for dinner, you should have at least 20 seats available (maybe an extra chair or two in case there is an accident or more people show up). The OP knew how many people she invited over, did it not occur to her that everyone might be eating at the same time and therefore she would need x number of chairs? Why should people have to rush through their meal because there aren't enough chairs for everyone to sit together?
When your step daughter and her fiance showed up and sat in 'your' seat, you should have let it go. Did you expect both of them to sit at the 'kids' table? How about one of the men at the table offer to stand and let you sit down? Or how about you sit down at the island with your young son in your lap or release him from the table if he was finished eating?
And more importantly, how are you going to manage holiday dinners at your house in the future? You need a plan so you can prevent ending up pissed off.
I answered that a few posts above.
Include her in meal planning & ask her to contribute.
Make sure there are enough chairs at a TABLE for anyone & everyone who might show up, no matter what time.
Either make place cards or don't expect to sit anywhere specific.
I have to ask.....for everyone who thought it so awful that I didn't have ONE table with enough chairs for everyone (even those who were late), do YOU have one table that sits 10-12 people? If not, what do you do? Who decides who sits where? Do you make place cards?
Like I said earlier, my dining room table will accommodate 8. That would've still left 2 people who would have to sit in the kitchen. Who should those 2 have been? (I asked this earlier but don't think I got an answer)[/quote]
Answered earlier:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
I would have finished my meal in any open seat that was left, or standing at the island.
Going forward, I would put 2 more chairs at the dining room table, or even put a card table at the end with extra seats, if there was enough space in the room for it; or set both the kitchen and dining room tables so no one was at the island, and everyone had plenty of space.
The bolded is what we do. The red is what we always did when I was growing up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind
Next year, use the dining room. Buy a small card/ occasional table if necessary to add at the end of the dining room table so you can fit 10 in the room. It won't be exactly the same height but will still be part of the main table. You know you're going to have 10 so start figuring it out from now.
Forget trying to have a formal dinner at a kitchen island and little table. That was a disaster in the making.
You already know the gal doesn't like ham, so as others have suggested , add in a small something else or make a turkey, etc.
If someone is going to be late, hold off the meal if it's not going to be more than an hour and put out some appetizers. If they are going to be very, very late, then start but don't get upset if they show up with Taco bell, etc. Take their fast food meal, put it on a plate or two and offer it to all the guests.
I don't really see what there was to get terribly upset about in the original scenario. The seating problem was poor planning on the part of the hosts. The food part could have been expected and laughed over.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
Ya, we had a kids table when we were actual kids. Once everyone was teens or 20's, people could sit where ever they wanted. This was at a gathering of 20-30 people with 4-5 tables. Now we have 8-10 people and all sit in the dining room, even the toddler.
As I said above. When we had these large gatherings of 20-30 people, the hostess would gather everyone and give instructions. Younger kids sit in the kitchen. Everyone else could pretty much sit anywhere. Putting everyone at one table was out of the question.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OutdoorsyGal
You mean you really did seat this College Student next to your children? Isn't that where you should be sitting, especially considering their age?
Ok maybe I got their ages wrong too (like I did w/her) but aren't they pretty little? not to rag on you but just curious
I get that the 22 year old is of the same generation as the teens. I don't think it would have been horrible to put them at the island if there were enough seats for the fiance, too. But I don't think the SD was told that, so she grabbed 2 seats without knowing the OP had other ideas.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 12-28-2015 at 02:58 PM..
It's a family home. To me it should always be casual, comfortable and welcoming.
I guess I feel so strongly about this is because I was such a twit in my 20s. My inlaws tolerated me, and eventually we all became very close. Despite me.
I appreciate that I do everything I can to pay in forward.
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I don't know how much conversing was done at dinner, and between the table and the island, but I think it would have made far more sense to put the 7 adults in the dining room, and the kids at the kitchen table. With a house that easily seats 16-18 people, this whole conflict is totally unnecessary.
I get that the 22 year old is of the same generation as the teens. I don't think it would have been horrible to put them at the island if there were enough seats for the fiance, too.
They're not really teens though. One child is two another is twelve and the other was... 14? SO at least an 8 year age difference. I wouldn't think a 22 year old engaged college graduate (as the OP likes to point out) would want to sit with children 10-20 years younger. She would much rather sit her dad and grandparents.
Moral of the story - do not invite more people than you have seats for. If you invite 20 people over for dinner, you should have at least 20 seats available (maybe an extra chair or two in case there is an accident or more people show up). The OP knew how many people she invited over, did it not occur to her that everyone might be eating at the same time and therefore she would need x number of chairs? Why should people have to rush through their meal because there aren't enough chairs for everyone to sit together?
When your step daughter and her fiance showed up and sat in 'your' seat, you should have let it go. Did you expect both of them to sit at the 'kids' table? How about one of the men at the table offer to stand and let you sit down? Or how about you sit down at the island with your young son in your lap or release him from the table if he was finished eating?
Your second paragraph is precisely what I did. I didn't say a word about it until I posted it on here. And I did sit at the island.
I have 3 children...a 14 yr old, a 12 yr old (about to turn 13) and a 2.5 yr old. My older 2 are very good with my son & he was fine at the island with them, but he ended up flitting back & forth between island & table bc he's 2.
And this will blow your minds, I'm sure.....I also have a step-son who I get along fine with. He was there also. He didn't bring fast food. And he enjoys his little brother very much and doesn't get to see him very often (because he's away at college) and he sat down at the island & ate.
The reason we didn't use the dining room: when I said "not enough people to use DR", I meant not enough to use both rooms. I knew DR wouldn't hold all 10, but kitchen WOULD accommodate all 10....at different tables but in the same room.
Our island bar is counter/height, not raised. We can swap chairs out between kitchen table & island. And usually, when SD, SS, and the fiancé show up, they CHOOSE to eat at the island. Granted, it's not Christmas dinner, but yes....based on prior experience, I figured they would sit at the island bc that's what they usually do.
This has been such an interesting thread. Family holiday meals and the screw ups that ensue. I'm very familiar having hosted many in my 36 years of marriage and blended families and in laws all.
I would be offended if someone came to a dinner I was hosting and brought along fast-food. However, I would do everything I can to accommodate said person's taste buds. If I know in advance that person doesn't like ham, .. I will buy a small already roasted chicken for instance. Or just assure that the side dishes are suitable to the person's palate. But having done all of that, and a guest shows up with Taco Bell, I would be offended (yes I know it's the girl's father's home, but she is still an invited guest, she doesn't reside there). I was always taught, and tried to teach mine, if you are invited guest to someone's home try to be polite and eat what is offered or at least move it around on your plate and make it look like you did. You can always stop off for fast food later if necessary.
However, I have, in the past, brought in borrowed folding tables and chairs from my church, to accommodate the number of guests that will be coming over. I've never assigned seats with nice little place cards nor would I. Guests are free to sit wherever and with whomever they please, but I make certain there are enough seats.
Would I have been offended if I got up to get a refill and someone took my seat. No way. Not as the host. Nope. I'd go find another empty seat and enjoy the other guests that have been gracious enough to come to my home.
This obviously has more to do with some hard feelings between stepmom and stepdaughter. If you are loving and warm and welcoming, you want people to be comfortable in your home and in your company, and if that means giving up your seat, so be it.
But yes, I would be offended if someone showed up with fast-food, particularly if I've done all I can to accommodate that person's palate.
They're not really teens though. One child is two another is twelve and the other was... 14? SO at least an 8 year age difference. I wouldn't think a 22 year old engaged college graduate (as the OP likes to point out) would want to sit with children 10-20 years younger. She would much rather sit her dad and grandparents.
I get it, but with limited options, it might make the most sense.
Many of my cousins are 5-10 years older than I am, and we always sat together. Really, would any of them want to sit with the 2 year old? The 2 year old could have sat with the parents and the teens and 20's together. There are several possibilities that could have prevented what happened.
The 2 year old at our gathering sat in a high chair.
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