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But would your mother continue to serve things year after year that you do not like and won't eat?
This isn't their first holiday together. The girl knew she wouldn't receive a warm welcome and would most likely not have anything to eat. Instead of being hungry and miserable during the Christmas celebration, she decided to take matters into her own hands and bring her own food.
Year after year???? Where are you making these assumptions?
This is the FIRST time I've hosted Christmas dinner! Previously, it was always at my MIL's house and she always served ham (I've said this about 10 times too). My dear MIL is 80 and hosting & cooking for a crowd is something she's "over" after all these years & theyve downsized homes considerably, so we offered to take over hosting duty. My MIL (the SD's own grandmother) provided the meat. She brought ham.
But somehow you e turned this into " she knew she wasn't welcome & that I wouldn't have anything for her to eat". Good lord.
But where are you getting this from? I did ask way back if the OP KNEW that the stepdaughter didn't like ham, and if you recall, it wasn't the OP who provided the ham anyway, it was the stepdaughter's own grandmother, the husband's mother. I don't think the OP answered my question. It sounded as if there was plenty of other food besides the ham, too.
Do you know for certain that this is what has been served for "year after year"? I do think that if that is the case, SOMEONE, either the OP or the grandmother could make sure there was an alternate available, or the girl herself could offer to bring something that everyone else could share. Not fast food just for herself. Since the step-daughter is still college-aged, I really don't think it should be on her, though.
As for your first question, lol, yeah. This year my mother made lamb for herself and one of my brothers, and chicken for the other brother, who doesn't like lamb. My daughter and I are vegetarians. We ate the potatoes, corn, carrots, and green beans.
The op said that ham was served at grandma's before. Don't know if other meat dishes were available. This isn't their first dinner together.
I don't think the op was an awful host. She had enough seats for everyone. She had plenty of food for everyone. She just happened to get upset because her SD didn't sit where she thought she should and sat at the table instead of the island. She also got upset over the Taco Bell. I can see why she was annoyed by the Taco Bell and I can see why she was initially upset over SD sitting in what he OP thought was HER seat but all in the problem has more to do with unmet and uncommunicated expectations then anyone being purposefully disrespectful. Ultimately this is a relationship issue between SD and the OP that's been brewing for a long time. Hopefully they can work it out for everyone's sake, including their own.
The op said that ham was served at grandma's before. Don't know if other meat dishes were available. This isn't their first dinner together.
I never make ham by itself for this reason.
Neither would I. Many people don't eat it for religious or health reasons. Always good to have some backup chicken.
Our family Thanksgiving this year was a riot. Four vegetarians, one of whom is vegan. Grandma on dialysis and so a renal diet. Host and hostess on a heart diet. A brother-in-law who eats no sugars or grains or starches, only meat and cheese and vegetables. There was tons of food because all bring something. Everyone could eat the vegan dishes, which were good for my mother and her kidneys, too, but she also needs protein so she had some turkey.
No ham. Too many people with high BP and cholesterol.
You expected this younger couple (both were grown adults) to sit at the kids table. She saw an opening to sit with her grandparents and father, as the only option other than sitting with your younger children she apparently is not close to.
That in itself is not being a good hostess, to expect her and her fiance to sit with the kids. You had a dining table big enough to handle everyone comfortably, but chose to do otherwise. Apparently you dislike this young woman, and this maneuver on your part was to set her away from the adults.
Actually it is your own fault you were the one that ate with the kids. I bet you really decided to eat in the kitchen for exactly the reason to sit her away from you, your husband (her father) and grand parents. You tried to put your invited company with the kids, seating her away from her father and grandparents. She saw what you were doing, and did not permit you to get away with it. I have respect for that young lady.
You are the one that did wrong eating in the kitchen instead of the dining room the traditional place for such a dinner for the purpose of putting this young woman and her finance down by putting them with the kids. This is not what a good hostess would do. Not if they have decent manners and are in the least bit cultured.
You are angry because your little power play did not work out, and you were the one that had to eat with the kids.
So, because she is his child, she should be able to insult her half brother, say mean things about my daughters, openly critique our home, decor, etc? What planet do you people live on?
I wouldn't act like that to someone I DON'T like, much less my step-parent & elder.
She probably acts that way because she knows she's not welcome, and probably never will be. Why should she try?
I live on Planet Earth, and I have two steps that I call daughters. I love them because they are their father's children. It wasn't always easy, and I came on the scene when they were 12 & 16. I knew when I married him that they were part of the package. Now they are 26 & 30 and they call me Mom. I had to work hard for that name.
You're not having to work too hard now for the name she's probably given you, though. And that's a shame, because if you tried a little harder in the beginning, it might not be that way now.
She probably acts that way because she knows she's not welcome, and probably never will be. Why should she try?
I live on Planet Earth, and I have two steps that I call daughters. I love them because they are their father's children. It wasn't always easy, and I came on the scene when they were 12 & 16. I knew when I married him that they were part of the package. Now they are 26 & 30 and they call me Mom. I had to work hard for that name.
You're not having to work too hard now for the name she's probably given you, though. And that's a shame, because if you tried a little harder in the beginning, it might not be that way now.
Who cares if she doesn't eat it. Let her bring her own food then
That's what she did lol.
The step daughter can't win!
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