Dissed at Christmas dinner. What would you have done? (females, males, business)
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You're so (obv!) looking for a fight on this. The details come out a bit at a time as you try to add more justifications for your behavior.
She's a KID - in maturity level, regardless of whether she's engaged. Jeez, kids her age SAY they're engaged and it doesn't mean a thing unless she has a ring and wedding date, so I'd disregard that "fact" as indicating maturity level! AND, she's a MILLENNIAL! That group thinks everything has to be personalized to THEM. If they don't like the music, they put on their own headphones, if they don't like the movie on tv everyone is watching they get out their phone, if they don't like the food or drink, they bring their own! Typical - should not be unexpected by YOU, since you've "raised" her for a number of years now.
You need to take it down 10 notches and not take everything so personally...YOU"RE the ADULT here but you're not acting like it. Let her do what she wants - it's hurting no one. But it's clear you really don't like this girl and are keeping score of everything she does. I'll bet if your own daughters did the same you'd brush it off as typical teenage behavior (oh, I know, YOU raised THEM better and they're younger!) but still...it's the holidays, give EVERYBODY a break already.
She has a ring on her finger, a church reserved, date set, etc. she's very much engaged.
I've had no part in "raising" this girl. She was 17-18 when her dad & I married. She never resided in our home.
Just because she's a " Millenial" doesn't excuse rude behavior.
She has a ring on her finger, a church reserved, date set, etc. she's very much engaged.
I've had no part in "raising" this girl. She was 17-18 when her dad & I married. She never resided in our home.
Just because she's a " Millenial" doesn't excuse rude behavior.
Get over it.
The general consensus is that 1) the Taco Bell thing was rude but not a hanging offense. More immature and clueless than intentionally rude.
And 2) the seating thing was not rude or weird on her part.
You asked for feedback, you're getting it. And the more you post about this, the more your dislike of this step daughter bubbles to the surface. She's young, she's immature - but I bet she knows you don't like her.
You have to be the bigger person in this scenario. That starts with not making a mountain out of a molehill.
She has a ring on her finger, a church reserved, date set, etc. she's very much engaged.
I've had no part in "raising" this girl. She was 17-18 when her dad & I married. She never resided in our home.
Just because she's a " Millenial" doesn't excuse rude behavior.
My point is that sometimes you just "make excuses" for bad behavior because:
1) she's not living with you - how often do you REALLY interact with her?
2) you don't (or shouldn't) want this bad blood to continue - I guess you don't foresee step-grandkids in the future that you WILL have to deal with later?
3) you really DON'T have any control over her behavior - other than to completely shut her out - which I sense is not possible since she was at your house for the holidays
I feel sorry for the girl. Dad married this woman who treats her with disdain, then immediately, within a year, sets about making a replacement family at his advanced age. Meantime he acts "oblivious" to the feelings of everyone around him, including his daughter.
Stepmom needs to take the chip off her shoulder and look at what her darling husband has wrought.
I just made the assumption (wrongly obviously) that as the woman of the house, I deserved to sit next to my husband at the table.
....
And no, I'm not gloating at the thought of something going awry at her wedding. But if she's this rude & clueless, it will be interesting to see how she handles things. That's all I meant. And I'm curious as to whether my daughters will even be invited. She never speaks to or even acknowledges them.
As the HOSTESS, it was your job to make sure everyone else (even late comers) had a seat. You and/or your husband might have to stand if necessary, or perch, or whatever. The guests in your home get to sit first. You sit next to your husband at every other meal, so will it be the end of the world if you don't sit next to him for one meal?!?
I'm curious to see if YOU will be invited to her wedding... She may not want the extra drama...
She has a ring on her finger, a church reserved, date set, etc. she's very much engaged.
I've had no part in "raising" this girl. She was 17-18 when her dad & I married. She never resided in our home.
Just because she's a " Millenial" doesn't excuse rude behavior.
What did she do that was so incredibly rude and unforgivable? It seems that you refuse to even attempt to see things from your step daughter's eyes or refuse to even consider that you and her father played a role in any of this. Even after pages and pages of responses.
The dynamics of step families can be uncomfortable and confusing for all involved. Cut her some slack. She is a 22 year old coming to her Dad's house (which also is her "home" in a way) to spend time with the family for the holidays. This was not a debutante ball, it was a casual Christmas dinner with family.
there's a thread over in the Nature forum that veered over into Fox in Sox (well my post took it there), and now Green Eggs and Ham in Relationships. It's a Dr. Seuss kind of night
i do not like her no i don't
not in my chair or on a goat
not with her fast food in a sack
now won't you please get off my back
she took my chair, she made me mad
and now you all think i am bad
Totally made my day with your Dr Seuss poem and agree. Still think the husband is a jerk also and are we really surprised the daughter is also disrespectful as sounds like a chip off the old block. Next year don't mix it up with both families. Only thing that has surprised me with this thread we havent heard from Dr.Phil, Dr Drew, recitation from old Emily Post books on etiquette, the Pope or other religious leaders on family values. After reading about the taco bell I will make myself go out in the rain today and get me my own meal as love that place. And sorry OP that you went to all the work and it didn't go as you wished. I suggest you keep the family get togethers for the summer holidays, everyone bring a dish and get hubby involved in standing over the grill cooking for them all while you sit and sip on iced tea and relax. Save the fall holidays for all going out to eat and paying for their own meals except for your parents. I for one do not think your bad!
I have to admit that some of this has made me laugh, especially the Taco Belle part .
OP - It might help you come to terms with your anger if you try to think about it from your husband's perspective.
As far as your step daughter taking your chair, that just might have worked out better than if she had sat at the bar with the other children who she doesn't even talk to. Imagine your husband's feelings watching his daughter being so uncomfortable and not enjoying the limited amount of time that she spends in his home. And please don't say that he wouldn't have noticed because parents do notice how their child is feeling, or good parents do anyway.
Also, if she had ended up at the bar, your children and other guests at the bar would have probably been uncomfortable too. So now you've got a sad daddy, a miserable step daughter, and some other very uncomfortable family members who would have probably just been wishing that they could escape the whole situation.
Maybe your husband thought you were finished eating, so he didn't say anything to his daughter. On the other hand, maybe he knew but didn't say anything because he could see what was about to go down. He probably just wants his kids to come to his house often, feel welcome, and enjoy their time there. That's understandable.
Your husband seems like he is handling the yours/mine/ours situation pretty well. When his daughter made the remark about the child's name, he quickly put her in her place without going ballistic and filing it on his grudge list. I imagine he knew that she was feeling some jealousy, but it probably upset him just as much as it upset you to hear his daughter say something mean about his son.
Just look at it like you did the ol' give and take thing, did something nice for your spouse, and drop the whole thing.
She has a ring on her finger, a church reserved, date set, etc. she's very much engaged.
I've had no part in "raising" this girl. She was 17-18 when her dad & I married. She never resided in our home.
Just because she's a " Millenial" doesn't excuse rude behavior.
Most 22 year olds don't know their ass from a hole in the wall.
You are taking this far too personally.
Yes, she was obnoxious, but it's not about you.
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She may not want the extra drama...
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