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Hello Everyone,
Just wanted to say that today is 1 month since I laid my sweet Sheldon to rest. I have become to resent Thursdays as it is the reminder of the day Sheldon left and went to heaven, and today is really hard as I cant believe its already been 1 month. I cant believe life has gone on. I have lost people before ( both my father and step-father) but as i have previously mentioned the loss of my Sheldon was a different loss. I miss him so much i almost cant stand it. It so hard to look at his pictures but i dont want to look away. Im hoping this grief gets easier as sometimes I feel stuck in it...
Alessia and Luna,
Just want you to know that i am thinking of you guys frequently and check here everyday just to see how things are going. I know i have no advice on the treatment options but I do have to say that one thing you have to keep in mind when making your decision is what is not only best for Luna but what is best for you too. I know that in the last 2 weeks of Sheldons life the vet called and offered another test to clarify his diagnosis and offered starting him on a new med I asked her what would happen if I didnt do anything at all? Her response was that not only do our dogs suffer through this illness but the owner suffers as well. She said that I needed to decide on what I could handle, emotionally, financially, and realistically. And the most important thing she said was I wasnt a bad owner for not doing anymore, and that I did the best I could. It was then that I was able to accept my choice of not putting Sheldon through anymore potential tests or meds and letting him have his time to be just a dog and enjoy life. It was like she gave me permission to let go. Dont get me wrong, I still struggle with the guilt of whether i made the correct choice or not but deep inside I know Sheldon understands I had to do what I had to do. And no matter what choice you make, Luna will love you and appreciate you for it. Our dogs give us their full trust to make the decisions for them that they cant make on their own. Hope this helps.
joyce (sheldon too)
tillie was on piroxicam but did not have chemo of any sort. the symptoms that never went away were, primarily, drippy nose and occasional nasal infection. ultimately we kept her on baytril or some other antibiotic which tamed the infection. yes, there is always anxiety attached to this disease, as in, what's the day the tumor will grow back and, in our case, what's the day it will push into the brain causing a seizure? that is what happened with tillie. fortunately, we were home when she went into a seizure and chose to put her to rest that day. there was no point in waiting for another seizure, one that might happen when no one was around. the bottom line is: there is no way to make this (or most other cancers) go away forever. the palliative radiation was a wonderful thing for us and tillie and, obviously, for scout and erica as well. you just have to jump in with both feet and ride it out. hopefully once you have made the decision you will accept it as this process of "what should i do" is very confusing and painful. best, arlene.
another (!!!) question: did your dogs experience sunburns and serious acute skin problems even with palliative (I mean the acute effetcs connected with eyes/mouth etc) ?
thanks a lot to all of you... you're the only ones that can understand how I feel...THANKS
to joycez: thanks for your words from the deepest of my heart.... I appreciated them a lot.
does anyone know if it's possible to repeat a palliative protocol?
I guess here it's not.. I was wondering if it's possible there .... as I see there are people who have done curative and palliative later.. so...
Thanks
Yes I was told I could repeat the palliative radiation but in the beginning I told myself I would only put him through any radiation once. Dash did not enjoy having to spend time around vets so that aspect was rough for him( when I first adopted him he would snap and lunge at vets so he did come a long way but I knew how much he hated vet exams) I also felt that with the expense if I was really considering having to repeat the palliative at a later date I would just spend the money and do the definitive 20 days of IMRT to begin with so I made the choice to go only for palliative and make comfort and quality of life #1. I also made that decision as I felt 20 days of anesthesia could in itself be hard on him.. I promised myself to stick with the decision and as hard as it was I did.
Dash had no sunburns or skin burms of any type.
As for symptoms, Dash had alot less trouble breathing at night and did alot less reverse sneezing after the IMRT so yes that made it worth it, But like the others he did tend to have drippy nose and infections but he was out living life and having fun. I was told the only way we could know if the cancer was growing again was to do another scope or a CT and they are both expensive and since I had decided not more radiation I saw no point in doing either.
There is no wrong or right as to what to do. But do put yourself in the equation as the daily anxiety some people feel is very great as the cancer becomes your life too. Consider the expense too as it it will be a real hardship that that will be that much more stress for you. I could afford it so that was not a stress factor for me. Am I glad I did it? Yes as I enjoyed that time with Dash and it did give me time to say good bye to him and to slow down my life and spend even more time with the dogs.The big bonus was Dash got to spend 5 months with Dazzle my newest dog and though they are two very different breeds alot of Dash seems to have rubbed off on Dazzle as he does alot of things Dash did. Dash appointed himself Dazzles babysitter while my other dog Jazz tended to ignore Dazzle so he learned alot from the old dog. Only you know which decision is right for you and everyone here will support you in what ever you decide to do.
question for tallmomma (or any other who experienced this): before the seizure or even in general .... was tillie experiencing sort of "contractions"/unvoluntary mouvements while sleeping? that's what always happens to Luna (it's like she's having nightmares, mouving face, legs,muzzle) and I really can't guess why if they tell me the brain is clean.... maybe there's such a small thing that can't be seen in a CT scan... she did a total body CT scan...
Joyce, I know, I don't like Sunday's now, isen't that a terrible day to not like, my mother passed on a Sunday, Rocky first had his lump appear on a Sunday and he passed on Palm Sunday. I don't want to feel like this as it is not productive, but right now, it is the way I am feeling. Last night was my Grief Group. I have only cried one time there, and always feel so heartless or something, that I am not crying. Other's are sobbing, some are just tearing up and here I sit. Then the one newer girl said that she had received her Nala's cremains. Her husband said not to open the little box, but she said that she did. I thought, no I would not do that - in fact I took the 2 little keys off the box and hid them. This morning, my husband went to play golf and I just decided I would find those keys. Not to open the box, but just because I wanted them. They seemed to represent something and I started crying, sobbing, just out of control my whole system was feeling the most horrible loss and grief as I looked. I kept coming on things that I had put away a while ago, a ball I bought in October so Rocky would have for this summer. Red, a little football, his favorite color. And a picture of him at Halloween, he looked healthy, he looked good. I didn't know that I would be grieving his loss from cancer in 5 months. I guess it has "hit me" he is gone.
I'm sorry this is not a supportive post. I truly send so many heartfelt thoughts to those who have their dogs with them, go with your heart and do what you feel is best for their care. There are so many good and kind people here that will help you. I didn't get to post here as Rocky's illness was so advanced in a short time, and I thought I was doing all I could do for him.
The best thing is to take the information that is here, there is so much of it. And see what feels right and with your doctor, decide how to proceed. Much love to you all, I am praying so hard for all of us, and dear Dashdog, who started this forum, a special prayer for him and his mom, Jan. Darbi
Alessia,
Has Luna always had these unvoluntary movements while sleeping (even before she was sick)? Sheldon was always an "active dreamer" and when he slept he would twitch and tremble but he did that since he was a puppy so thats why I ask if that is the case with Luna. However if that isnt the case here is some signs and symptoms of what to look for in a seizsure in dogs, my vet gave me this info when sheldon had his first CT scan: [SIZE=2]<H2 style="BACKGROUND: white; MARGIN: 3.95pt 0in 11.85pt 15.8pt">Symptoms of Dog Seizures
Seizing dogs may have several identifiable symptoms before, during, and after the actual seizure. Pre-Ictal Phase Symptoms
Unresponsive
This is usually a symptom that first appears before the onset of a seizure. Your dog will ignore your spoken commands, and may seem to be slightly catatonic. Trembling
Before a seizure, some dogs will begin to tremble uncontrollably. This may also be accompanied by incessant whining. Biting
It's possible that a dog will begin biting before a seizure. This may manifest as uncontrollable gnawing of the limbs, or snapping at nearby individuals and objects. Restlessness, Twitching of Limbs
Some dogs will experience a period of time where they seem anxious, active and restless. This may include pacing, sporadic running, and turning in circles. Ictal Phase Symptoms
Thrashing of Limbs
This is a telltale sign that your dog is experiencing a seizure. Seizing dogs will usually have violent convulsions of the limbs, to the extend of frantic thrashing. Urination, Salivation and Defecation
These three symptoms are sometimes present during a seizure. Many dogs lose control of their bladder, salivary glands and bowels while having a seizure. Paralysis
When a dog is experiencing a seizure, they may appear to be temporarily paralyzed, and will usually fall to the ground. This may last several seconds to a few minutes right as the seizure occurs. Teeth Gnashing, Extended Head
This is also an obvious sign that a dog is having a seizure. Some dogs will have their neck stretched out and head drawn backward during a seizure episode. This may be accompanied by violent gnashing of the teeth. Post-Ictal Phase Symptoms
Loss of Hearing or Vision
This is a temporary condition that sometimes affects dogs after a seizure. Some dogs will seem to lose either their vision or their hearing, though in some cases it may be both. Confusion, Disorientation
Many dogs will seem to be disoriented after a seizure episode. Some dogs will even run into walls, door frames, and other objects. This period of confusion can last for a few minutes, or several hours. Excessive Salivation
This sometimes occurs after a dog has a seizure. This Post-Ictal phase symptom is especially common if the dog was also salivating during or before the Ictal phase. Increased Appetite
Some dogs will display a greatly increased appetite after having a seizure. This Post-Ictal phase symptom is sometimes also accompanied by excessive thirst.
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]I actually had this print out hanging on my fridge so that way my mom and I had it accessible to reference if needed but fortunately we never did as Sheldon never had a seiszure. Hope this helps[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]joyce ( and sheldon looking down)[/SIZE]
[/SIZE]</H2>
thanks joycez... not before. I mean: sometimes she had this unvoluntary mouvments even before but like... a very few times in her lifespan. Now it's almost every time.
thanks for the info on seizures... I think she doesn't have any symptoms....
I should start the palliative treatment on Monday (the total body scan also showed she has got a "pleural bubble" and I'm afraid of 16 anaestesias.. I'm already afraid of 5!!!) and need to move to this other city for two weeks + 1 day.
I'm afraid and feel so lonely (and childish in saying this) and STILL... I'm not so sure (not at all) this is the right decision. I hope so.
Joyce, I got on about myself, but wanted you to know that we thinking of you today and your sweet Sheldon, you were such a good mom to him. It hurts, that love that we have will never grow less for our dear ones. Keeping you close to our hearts in thought. Darbi
Darbi, You do not have to apologize for a post that you consider to be non supportive as post like that that are about your emotions are important and they even may help someone. People too often feel that something about their grief is wrong as it is not what other people have told them it will be like so sharing how you feel may make some oneelse say" Hey that is how I felt too " and help them heal. We all grieve in our own way and it can come and go over the years so I do not think it ever really ends it just changes with time.
I will say that over these past 3 years there are things that suddenly hit me usually when I least expect them about my mom or my niece and I will burst into tears, If I am with someone else and get that '"Whats wrong look?" I will just say " mom flashback" and most understand. I have been lucky as most my Dash memories that pop into my mind really do make me smile and looking at photos of him do so too as I guess I just feel lucky I had him as a dog. Everynow and then I will be driving some place and get this weird feeling that he is there between the seats leaning on my shoulder and giving me his navigation help( actually looks like " this is not how we get there" ) and then I will shed a few tears as I really miss him being in his navigation spot. Though now the dogs only ride in the way back of the subaru. I don't think the love you have for any being animal or human every goes away as it is always right there inside your heart and years later can spark joy or sadness. You never stop missing them you just get use to life without them.
Alessia you are not alone as you do have all of us on your side and while we are not there in person with you we are in spirit. It is difficult to trust the decisions we make but if you can can accept that what may happen is out of your hands and that you are doing the best you can for you both you and Luna you will get through this. I really had no support here as my closest family is 120 miles away and most of my friends and Co workers thought it was crazy to spend that kind of money on a dog that would only be buying me more time with him and not saving his life. I even had a coworker that had a border collie that had nasal cancer tell me how she put him to sleep a few days after finding out as she was not going to risk him going blind from radiation, because as she put it she loved him. I just had to shut people like her out and trust in my heart that buying more time for me and Dash was what was right for us. Now that it is done I have no regrets making that decision as that time with him was so worth it for both of us. Got to get going to work but please know I am thinking of you and sending prayers your way for both you and Luna. Jan
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