Trying to convince my partner that we should be in MN (Minneapolis: home, buy)

[mjtinmemphis]

I am debating a move from St. Louis to Minneapolis. I see a lot of advantages and few disadvantages and won't know until I move types of things as well.

The pension thing is a big deal but I don't think its will be a devastating move. There will be some options for your lives together that Georgia won't give just looking from the outside.

Good luck with your decision.

[TheKiwi]

Originally Posted by mjtinmemphis

I am debating a move from St. Louis to Minneapolis. I see a lot of advantages and few disadvantages and won't know until I move types of things as well.

The pension thing is a big deal but I don't think its will be a devastating move. There will be some options for your lives together that Georgia won't give just looking from the outside.

Good luck with your decision.

Thank you so much. Best of luck to you too if you proceed with your move there!

[TheGrandViking]

Originally Posted by TheKiwi

Mainly it's that she's born and raised in the Atlanta area and would be leaving behind friends of 30-35 years. She went to college here and has never lived outside of the state, so I think that's her hesitation, and she'd have hesitations no matter where we'd move to. Friends and social circle are important to her. Less to me because I've lived in 2 countries and 6 states so I'm used to finding new friends in different cities. And I've lived in 4 of those states without any family members, so I'm used to my family being a plane ride away. She has always lived less than an hour drive from her mom.

I think her other main hesitation is that she has a government job (librarian) of 20+ years here, and if she left the state it would mean she'd get a payout for that pension and have to start over in a way... So she wants to be really sure the move is the right choice for us long-term.

I am really the person pushing for the move because I came here to GA for my career and this career is drying up here.
Plus I feel like long-term, my quality of life isn't all that great here... I miss real winters terribly. I really don't like our summers here and it's too hot to be outdoors doing anything physical in the heat of our summers. Our healthcare system is not great. There's litter everywhere. I see suffering all around, especially with our unhoused population, our public schools are pretty terrible, etc. There is a huge quality of life difference between the red areas and blue. And don't get me started on the politics and corruption!

I'm hoping I can sway her. We're going to go on vacation to MN soon and hopefully that'll work out well!

Mainly it's that she's born and raised in the Atlanta area and would be leaving behind friends of 30-35 years. She went to college here and has never lived outside of the state, so I think that's her hesitation, and she'd have hesitations no matter where we'd move to.

Friends and social circle are important to her.
Okay. This is a big warning sign. It does sound like you would have no issue here but she has never had to cultivate new friends before in a different environment. Is she a tell it like is personality type or type A because if she is, this will be a challenging environment for her? That being said if she fits here and can handle the mentality here, but she doesn't sound like she hasn't had to develope friends before. I would really be careful about this move.

I think her other main hesitation is that she has a government job (librarian) of 20+ years here, and if she left the state it would mean she'd get a payout for that pension and have to start over in a way...

That is a hard ask for someone to give that up because with SS and her pension, she would be set for the rest of her life living a modest lifestyle. The private sector can be cruel and not as fair as a government job. I briefly worked for the census and loved it but it didn't come close to private industry for pay. However, the health care, pension, and other perks were much greater than private industry.

I am really the person pushing for the move because I came here to GA for my career and this career is drying up here.

If this move doesn't work out, it may kill the relationship. However, it sounds like if you don't move it may kill the relationship so you are kind of in a catch 22 situation. I didn't realize she hadn't experienced cold weather before. You sound perfect for the move, your partner may struggle.

Note: in 1990, both Atlanta and Minneapolis Metro were around 2 million people. In 2023 Minneapolis is around 4 million while Atlanta tops 6 million.

[Teacher Terry]

How many more years until your partner can collect her pension? Some states also let you quit and leave your money if you are vested and then you get a pension when you are retirement age. Some let people retire at any age once they have 30.

[L00k4ward]

Originally Posted by TheKiwi

That's what I'm most worried about... I just don't know if I can stay here in Georgia myself...

One of you have to make huge sacrifices.

Sounds like you are the one pushing for the move.
If your partner more of a follower - she may follow you to her own detriment and she will be unhappy and may move back - after enduring personal losses

Sometimes, the relationship have to be broken in pursuit of happiness?

[Andrew in Minnesota]

Originally Posted by TheKiwi

Thank you Love reading about the literacy rate! I will add that to my list of growing positives about MN.

For those who live in the Twin Cities, how common is it to escape to nature outside of the city? In Atlanta but it's not super common for people to escape for a weekend to our mountains up North or to Lake Lanier (our major lake with water activities). I think people just get quite set in their ways in Atlanta, plus there's so much to do in the city. While the Twin Cities sound fabulous, a big part of the appeal of MN is escaping to nature. I'm just wondering how realistic that is, say to go up to the North Shore for a 5 day trip of skiing and exploring along Lake Superior, or a quick weekend getaway to Duluth? I get the impression long weekend escapes are more normalized there?

The crown jewels of Minnesota outdoors are the Boundary Waters (the largest federal wilderness area east of the Mississippi) and the North Shore. These are all 3+ hours from the Cities. For many years our family made a five-hour drive up to my wife's family's cabin on Lake Winnibigoshish. Weekend jaunts to 'the cabin' or 'the lake' are very common.

Minnesota has a terrific state park system, but the state doesn't have the spectacular outdoor features that many states have (ie, mountains, seashores, deserts, etc.). It does maximize what it has, however. There is a lot of greenspace in and around the Cities, from the large Minnesota River Valley NWR to state parks and regional parks and a few state forests.

[TheKiwi]

Originally Posted by TheGrandViking

If this move doesn't work out, it may kill the relationship. However, it sounds like if you don't move it may kill the relationship so you are kind of in a catch 22 situation. I didn't realize she hadn't experienced cold weather before. You sound perfect for the move, your partner may struggle.

I'm going to push for us to vacation in MN twice this year and/or early next - once in the summer and once in the winter. I am hoping the idea of it will grow on her once she gets to experience it, especially the winter activities. I know vacationing is a lot different from living in a place but it'll give us an idea of what it would be like.

She recently said to me "I know I'd be happy anywhere with you. Anywhere you're happy is where I want to be", so we'll see what happens. I want her genuine happiness too. And I do think MN could improve both of our qualities of living if she opens herself up to the potential.

[TheKiwi]

Originally Posted by Teacher Terry

How many more years until your partner can collect her pension? Some states also let you quit and leave your money if you are vested and then you get a pension when you are retirement age. Some let people retire at any age once they have 30.

She could collect it now if she wanted to but she'd be getting the current value for it. It's possible to start over in a new state though, but she just wants to make sure we are really going to like it as a long-term option as she would only want to move maximum 1 time. She's about 20-25 years from retirement right now.

[rodentraiser]

I'm glad you like outdoor activities but you may be inside more than you know. Winter can be brutal sometimes and summers have horrible humidity. The only other things that bothered me about Minnesota was the lack of Jack in the Box, Baskin-Robbins, and 7-11s, and the lack of competing grocery stores. I was used to Kroger (QFC), Albertson's, Safeway, and now we have Winco plus a number of discount stores, and in California there was Nob Hill and and a few others. In Minnesota I saw only one grocery store (can't remember the name now) and beyond that, a couple of smaller stores, very limited in products and usually expensive. I remember trying to find Gallo's salami and striking out on that all over. At the time I also wanted to buy shrimp, either in the bag or by Gorton's or something, and the prices then, in 2012, were what the prices are now. Research carefully.

[TheKiwi]

Originally Posted by rodentraiser

I'm glad you like outdoor activities but you may be inside more than you know. Winter can be brutal sometimes and summers have horrible humidity. The only other things that bothered me about Minnesota was the lack of Jack in the Box, Baskin-Robbins, and 7-11s, and the lack of competing grocery stores. I was used to Kroger (QFC), Albertson's, Safeway, and now we have Winco plus a number of discount stores, and in California there was Nob Hill and and a few others. In Minnesota I saw only one grocery store (can't remember the name now) and beyond that, a couple of smaller stores, very limited in products and usually expensive. I remember trying to find Gallo's salami and striking out on that all over. At the time I also wanted to buy shrimp, either in the bag or by Gorton's or something, and the prices then, in 2012, were what the prices are now. Research carefully.

Thanks for your advice. I cant imagine how the summers could feel worse than Atlanta summers!

We are pretty low-key when it comes to food as I'm a vegan so we cook 95% of our meals and eat mostly whole foods, not a lot of processed stuff like faux meats. So chain restaurants aren't really something we care about. I've already joined a vegan MN FB group and see that there are Aldi's all over, Whole Foods in the Twin Cities, and good looking co-ops in Duluth for example. We also love farmers markets and it seems like there are a lot of those too all over. Here we tend to do big buys once a month and stock up on staples so I'd imagine we'd do the same no matter where we lived.