Many female friends and relatives have "sworn off men" after bad relationships (Christian, lesbians)
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When somebody has a string of disastrous relationships, whether that person is a man or a woman, the problem is always, without exception, the person who's doing the complaining.
Exactly. I've never understood why people don't get this. If you pick the right person for you, that should be it. There's no cheating, limited drama and just good times. If you break up down the road, it's because you've simply grown apart. You don't turn gay, you don't swear off dating, you just realize the relationship hasrun its course and you're open to someone new in good time.
If people were more discerning with whom they went to bed with or dated, 75% of all this drama wouldn't ensue.
If you are constantly being dumped, cheaped upon, used or abused, that is ON YOU. You are picking losers. That goes for both genders in equal measure.
Women just aren't attracted to decent, clean cut guys UNLESS they're wealthy or famous.
More B.S. Your theory is asinine because just how many famous men are there on earth? 99.9% of people are not famous. How many wealthy men are there? Possibly 1% in the entire world. Not a very large pool to pick from, eh?
Normal, well-adjusted women ALWAYS pick decent, nice men. When I met my future husband, he was 16 and a box boy making minimum wage. He was not wealthy but he was clean cut (and still is). Still with him 30 years later.
If you are hanging around women who aren't attracted to decent, monogamous men, then you need a new set of friends. If you're hanging in bars or bowling alleys, try Universities, libraries or bookstores.
Never went for the bad boys either, not to say they didn't try. Growing up, the type of guys I hoped to someday meet were of the John boy types, character has always been way more important than type, so even if he were to turn out to be more of an aggressive type personality, it would boil down to his over all character.
When I was a teenager I was a member of a garage band and though several of the guys flirted, I ended up in a long term relationship with the drummer who wasn't one of the swab guys all the other girls lusted over. Every time I would be out with one of the guys some random guy inquired as to who I was, when they thought I was out of ear shot the random guy would say things like "what the heck does she want with him" refering to drummer guy, as if he wasn't cool or good looking enough. That used to really tick me off often to the point of me getting into an argument with some jerk. I was with my guy, because he was, quiet, respectful (at least in front of me, little did I know,) and wasn't drooling or making passes at me any opportunity we were alone. We developed into a couple just by chance, I think I pushed for that relationship. Even his best friends kind of were scratching their heads, but they had mad respect for the way I always came to his defense. I'm getting too old, starting to reminese in these threads and forget the topic.
But seriously, some people do this or that some don't. Stop painting all with the same shade of nonsense or as a lady I like to say bullchit.
I have sworn off men, then I meet a guy, forget that, and become attracted and he brutally rejects me and I remember again. Vicious cycle, really.
I can understand your vicious cycle JetJockey.
The difference between you and me is that I've stepped out of the mate selection circle and don't allow myself to get rejected. Not anymore. I'm cautious and careful to the extreme when approaching a lady that I might be attracted to. You have to be in this day and age. Most of the time I don't pursue her if the body language isn't there or the eye contact is negative. Those are the signals I rely on to keep me going.
I haven't sworn off women, but I'm one of those close to 40 guys who doesn't go actively seeking a date or relationship. Passively more of less. I'm at the point in my life where it's become easier for me to accept the single life. With all the divorces, bitter relationships, custody battles, parentless children and broken families, who would want to involve oneself in this. Having a lifelong partner might be a beautiful thing but I don't ever get my hopes up or lose sleep on wanting the fairytale bits. Accepting the realities can be harsh but it has made living single a lot easier.
It's so easy for others who don't know you too say that the problem is you and your own actions being the result of your failures. This has some truth but it's not always the case. You try not to let past negative experiences affect your present judgment but in some cases that's like a lie that gets repeated constantly. You start to find truths in the lie even though they may never be there. It's very simliar in relationships. You can't help but judge new people in a negative fashion when that person starts demonstrating the characteristics of the past fools who hurt you.
I've always been a nice guy and I think that has contributed to my downfall. Women seem shocked and don't know what to expect when a nice guy wants to be with her and treat her with respect. I'm not a wimp but I will never be mistaken for the "bad boy" type that ladies go crazy over. It's just not me.
So with that being said, I think I can wait another 20 to 30 years for retirement age to kick in and try to start dating again. Senior citizens don't have as much attitude nor do they focus on the physical. I don't find it strange at all that the friendliest women I've met over the last few years are the single ladies and grandmums over 60. Most seem to leave their bad boy desires in their 30s and actually want to know a good guy like me. Also, they have no reason to be nasty or arrogant to me AND guess what? They accept my 5'6 and treat me like a man! Oh yeah!!
It's all about conversation and companionship and when you're at retirement age you have all the time in the world to seek the best relationships. That's what I'm banking on.
More B.S. Your theory is asinine because just how many famous men are there on earth? 99.9% of people are not famous. How many wealthy men are there? Possibly 1% in the entire world. Not a very large pool to pick from, eh?
Normal, well-adjusted women ALWAYS pick decent, nice men. When I met my future husband, he was 16 and a box boy making minimum wage. He was not wealthy but he was clean cut (and still is). Still with him 30 years later.
If you are hanging around women who aren't attracted to decent, monogamous men, then you need a new set of friends. If you're hanging in bars or bowling alleys, try Universities, libraries or bookstores.
What is normal? What is well-adjusted? Do you know what a decent, nice man is?
Normal, well-adjusted women RARELY pick decent men to begin with. You start with the bad boy types hoping to change one and shape him into the perfect man. C'mon Ulysses61, that's a common challenge most women will dive right into and wet themselves for. Don't deny it.
When everything fails with the bad boy, you start picking less bad boy types so you don't get hurt. Each degree of pain experienced from the bad boy relationship is a brownie point towards wanting the nice guy as you grow older. It's almost a question of how many bad boys does a woman want to tame before realizing the futility of these experiments.
Maybe you're one of the smart rare few who wised up really early in life and/or was taught by good parents to seek the kind, respectful, gentleman types. Hate to say it to you, but Universities, librairies and bookstores aren't always the best places to meet people. Think education. Learning, not mating.
You know what? I think you're wrong about bowling alleys to a degree. Bowling is a finesse/technique sport where both sexes can meet and have lots of friendly competition.
The difference between you and me is that I've stepped out of the mate selection circle and don't allow myself to get rejected. Not anymore. I'm cautious and careful to the extreme when approaching a lady that I might be attracted to. You have to be in this day and age. Most of the time I don't pursue her if the body language isn't there or the eye contact is negative. Those are the signals I rely on to keep me going.
I haven't sworn off women, but I'm one of those close to 40 guys who doesn't go actively seeking a date or relationship. Passively more of less. I'm at the point in my life where it's become easier for me to accept the single life. With all the divorces, bitter relationships, custody battles, parentless children and broken families, who would want to involve oneself in this. Having a lifelong partner might be a beautiful thing but I don't ever get my hopes up or lose sleep on wanting the fairytale bits. Accepting the realities can be harsh but it has made living single a lot easier.
It's so easy for others who don't know you too say that the problem is you and your own actions being the result of your failures. This has some truth but it's not always the case. You try not to let past negative experiences affect your present judgment but in some cases that's like a lie that gets repeated constantly. You start to find truths in the lie even though they may never be there. It's very simliar in relationships. You can't help but judge new people in a negative fashion when that person starts demonstrating the characteristics of the past fools who hurt you.
I've always been a nice guy and I think that has contributed to my downfall. Women seem shocked and don't know what to expect when a nice guy wants to be with her and treat her with respect. I'm not a wimp but I will never be mistaken for the "bad boy" type that ladies go crazy over. It's just not me.
So with that being said, I think I can wait another 20 to 30 years for retirement age to kick in and try to start dating again. Senior citizens don't have as much attitude nor do they focus on the physical. I don't find it strange at all that the friendliest women I've met over the last few years are the single ladies and grandmums over 60. Most seem to leave their bad boy desires in their 30s and actually want to know a good guy like me. Also, they have no reason to be nasty or arrogant to me AND guess what? They accept my 5'6 and treat me like a man! Oh yeah!!
It's all about conversation and companionship and when you're at retirement age you have all the time in the world to seek the best relationships. That's what I'm banking on.
Perhaps it's because many women are wary of 'nice guys'. Nice guys tend to be faking it 90% of the time just to get into your pants or use you in some way. At least bad boys put it all out there and don't act nice to get what they want. You may be part of that 10% that aren't faking it, but how can women know that? My ex was a nerdy 'nice guy' and I loved that about him... it turns out that he was cheating on me and was just a bad guy in disguise. Now, I don't trust the guys who are super nice because they'll probably just turn around and be a jerk just like all the others.
The big difference is that most women aren't on the prowl trying to fake it to sleep with as many men as they can. Many men are VERY good at persuading women into thinking they're special, when in reality they're screwing 5 more on the side.
I can not get over the number of old friends and relatives who have decided to swear off men and dating after a few bad relationships. They assume that because a few men have treated them poorly, that they are destined to be single and without a female/male relationship forever. Many have given up on themselves, became mannish, fat and they have stopped trying to be attractive. Many have announced to the world that they are now free of men and will never date again.
Do you know any men that would say that after a bad relationship? I do not, just lots of women! Why?
Men go through the same thing, but respond differently. Whereas women might swear off all men after a few bad experiences, men simply start treating all women badly after a few bad experiences.
Perhaps it's because many women are wary of 'nice guys'. Nice guys tend to be faking it 90% of the time just to get into your pants or use you in some way. At least bad boys put it all out there and don't act nice to get what they want. You may be part of that 10% that aren't faking it, but how can women know that? My ex was a nerdy 'nice guy' and I loved that about him... it turns out that he was cheating on me and was just a bad guy in disguise. Now, I don't trust the guys who are super nice because they'll probably just turn around and be a jerk just like all the others.
The big difference is that most women aren't on the prowl trying to fake it to sleep with as many men as they can. Many men are VERY good at persuading women into thinking they're special, when in reality they're screwing 5 more on the side.
Yes you are right.
There are bad boy ******* types who do more damage to women than good. The vicious cycle like you once mentioned repeats itself such that the hurting woman might take out her frustrations on the next guy who doesn't deserve that. Some women just go on sabbatical from the dating world. Guys do the same when he's been hurt by a cheating *****. I know nice guys who turned into temporary bad boys boys to get their fill of sex and partying. They return to nice when they want to settle down. I'm not one of the temps but I do know how to have fun without a care in the world. I just try not to hurt anyone in the process.
Bad boys don't let emotional involvement take the threshold of the girl they're with and the result sometimes is this good girl going bad. When a bad boy meets an equally bad girl, it could be world war III or a match made in heaven. I like good girls, but I like the bad girls who are honest and don't beat around the bush. If you want a friend with lots of bedroom benefits, speak truthfully and honestly about it. It's so easy to do but so hard for the words to come out. Putting sex aside, there's more to a relationship than just the physical content if you want that.
I understand now why some women want to get with me because they know I've been a nice guy for a very long time. Word of mouth goes around. Many times I can't forgive these ladies for passing me up early on because they thought I was a pushover. They made the choice to discard me. I have a backbone and a personality. Just too nice which is scary to be true for many of them I can't be a bad boy, it's not in me and maybe that's my fault. I can be a total bad-ass when I want to be when it comes to certain aspects of my life. Just not a true bad boy.
Eh hem, didn't you watch Revenge of the Nerds? Don't you remember Lewis? Jocks think about sports. Nerds think about sex lol! Nobody to warn poor JetJockey about the nerd cheating around behind your back. You know something, I might not be better as a musician by reputation to you, because women always think the guitarist of the band is busy stringin' up many chicks on the side. Not true for me, but I do like some of the attention my guitar and my saxophine bring in the company of women. Go for the drummer or bass player hahaha. Drummers got more to lose if the gig goes wrong carrying all of that stuff. Some get real pissy and pay extra attention to details and feelings which women like. The bass player is your safest bet. He's usually the glue that holds the band together. Look no further than the history of rock. John Paul Jones, John Entwistle, Phil Lesh, Bill Wyman, John Deacon. Now take a good look at the rest of their band mates and tell me what you think!
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, and I won't try not to sing it out of tune!
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