Quote:
Originally Posted by kofi
Every man fears the day when the faithful and often said "you aint my daddy" is shot at him. I've met this girl....all is well with but her kids. How can a young man proceed. How do i also tell if i won't be made to pay for the mistake of the previous man/men in her life.
Women kindly give me the key:....................
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you will get advice from men who say "run for the hills dude before hooking up with a woman who has kids"
and they mean well....alot have been burned or used by women with kids, like being used for support, etc.
but not all women are like that, and just like not all men are man-whores, you have to use your own judgement here.
get to know the woman, find out about her past relationships, does she seem to go thru alot of boyfriends? event that doesnt always mean she is a user, could also mean the guys she dated was losers, again, it works both ways.
woman now days are more carefull thanks to all the sadisitic pervs out there, alot of women dont want to take the chance of introducing a child molester to their kids, or a abuser. have you thought of that?
as far as the fear of emotional baggage, yes, there is alot out there, alot of woman could care less that their single moms and dont date carefully, but there is even alot more that did come from a bad marriage/relationship and will need extra time to recover and trust again. even their kids, depending on the age will need that time to recover.
thats where you can shine.
be patient, look for a woman who is past it somewhat, meaning she will discuss what happened, but not dwell on it, this means she is usually working past it. ones that talk about it all the time, are fresh to the pain, and you wont break down their defense walls yet.
on this.....be patient, be supportive, show her that not all men are pigs and hurtfull, if your genuine and honest, to her and her kids, she will see it, and her heart will feel it.
dont exclude the kids all the time, yes, dating is for you and her to get to know each other, but to the kids, they dont want to feel left out either, maybe their daddy hurt them to, and maybe they need to see that not all daddys are peieces of crap. go as a "family" to a ball game, roller skating, something fun and nuetral. this gives everyone a chance to warm up slowly and ease into it. and take the time to get to know the kids, their likes, etc, gives you something to talk to them about when its time to get to know them better, if you have something in common, it breaks the ice better.
wait till your serious about the relationship before you do one on one time with the kids beyond shooting hoops or somehting in backyard while mom makes supper. dont push, dont hover, just be relaxed and let your heart do the talking, kids are not easily fooled, they can see things mom cant.
but yes, be carefull, kids can wreck things to, but not always because they are evil brats, some actually cause trouble cuz they want attention, mom is all they have stable and they are afraid you might take that away, only to eventually hurt them again, they are usually just testing your resolve and if you will walk out easy.
and before i get slammed, yes, this works for dads with kids to.
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and dont let the birth parent who is a big part of the picture scare you, there is alot of step parents out there that are best friends with the birth parent, as long as you dont step on their toes, respect them and their beliefs with the kids, then you will be fine.
and lastly, dont let someone with kids scare you....my gosh... many people ge married and have kids, andtheir own kids cause parents to split to, but that doesnt stop people from having kids....lol
just take your time, baby steps...if its ment to be...you will know.
![OK](https://pics3.city-data.com/forum/images/smilies/oglvvd.gif)