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It's illuminating to revisit these older threads. 10 years on, how has the culture evolved? Expectations? Demographics? The Millennials who were young parents in 2009, or perhaps recent college-grads, are now well into their 30s. How have their expectations evolved? The Gen-X people, who were in then in the twilight of "traditional" reproductive years, are now well into middle-age. How have their expectations evolved? Or are these things timeless?
i have gone through something like this. And i have once posted something like this before but not on this forum. Someone advice me if i truly love her i should call her and let her understand some fact if not someone will surely get hurt. I called her and explained how i felt about the whole stuffs and she made a promise never take the kids over me and thank God she has a very good kids and even if the kids got me mad i still control my self and instead of me to get mad at them i stay clam and i talk to them like my kids take them for shopping surprising them with different gift and now we are happy together. Even the kids calling me Dad.
You are a straight woman - why the kids are calling you DAD? Lucy - The Dad?
I know that this is an old thread but I don't post much and this is a subject that is close to my heart.
As a Stepdad of 12 or 13 years (depending on when you want to say it started) I feel like I'm an expert in step family relationships (that's sarcasm...).
I feel like whenever being a step parent is brought up, it brings up a lot of issues that some people have that don't really deal with the step parent role really. Or things that are just part of integrating two separate families whether there are kids or not.
There are definitely unique cahllenges to a step-whatever relationship but really, it all hinges on the relationship with the two adults in the relationship.
If you think being told "I hate you" from a step child is bad, consider how you'd handle it from a biological child. I've never been told I hate you by my step daughter (now almost 17 and I met her when she was 4). I HAVE been told that from my biological daughter once when she was 7 or 8. I knew she didn't mean it and she was probably more hurt by saying it than I was. She immediately apologized. The point is that there are a lot of things kids do that are challenging to deal with and the step aspect of a relationship is just 1 factor in millions (thousands? OK hundreds...) that affect how you deal with them.
In my opinion, the real issue is that if you date a single parent (man or woman), you have to evaluate how they parent, how they deal with the other biological parent, how they involve you in the parenting of the step child, etc. If things aren't what you need them to be, you work on it or just go your separate ways when dating.
But that isn't any different than any other thing you deal with when evaluating a relationship. 2 people always have a chance of having differing views on anything and there are lots that can challenge a marrieage/relationship.
I didn't seek out single mothers, but I didn't avoid them either. I'm not saying anyone should date a single mother if they don't want to... just that the potential issues that people bring up are possible, not a given or even likely).
My step daughter treats me like her father (although she has a good relationship with her biological father and sees him regularly) We have a different relationship than she has with her bio dad, but she's my daughter.
My wife and I are a single entity when it comes to parenting all of our kids. There are some things that we might disagree on, but we come to an agreement together and the kids don't divide us.
This is getting long, so the last thing i'll say is about priorities. Our kids needs are priority 1. That doesn't mean that I neglect my wife so I can cater to the whims of our kids. My step daughter was the only child for the first few years of our relationship. She was my wife's priority whne w adted and our priority when we married (really once I decided my wife was "the one" the step daughter was our priority 1. Still doesn't mean we ever neglected one another.
I'd like to summarize my thesis by saying a lot of complaints about step kids and drama from them can be said about kids in general. If you like and want kids AND you find someone that shares your parenting style (and you can't gloss over ths or ignore red flags...) having step kids won't be a problem.
I know that this is an old thread but I don't post much and this is a subject that is close to my heart.
As a Stepdad of 12 or 13 years (depending on when you want to say it started) I feel like I'm an expert in step family relationships (that's sarcasm...).
I feel like whenever being a step parent is brought up, it brings up a lot of issues that some people have that don't really deal with the step parent role really. Or things that are just part of integrating two separate families whether there are kids or not.
There are definitely unique cahllenges to a step-whatever relationship but really, it all hinges on the relationship with the two adults in the relationship.
If you think being told "I hate you" from a step child is bad, consider how you'd handle it from a biological child. I've never been told I hate you by my step daughter (now almost 17 and I met her when she was 4). I HAVE been told that from my biological daughter once when she was 7 or 8. I knew she didn't mean it and she was probably more hurt by saying it than I was. She immediately apologized. The point is that there are a lot of things kids do that are challenging to deal with and the step aspect of a relationship is just 1 factor in millions (thousands? OK hundreds...) that affect how you deal with them.
In my opinion, the real issue is that if you date a single parent (man or woman), you have to evaluate how they parent, how they deal with the other biological parent, how they involve you in the parenting of the step child, etc. If things aren't what you need them to be, you work on it or just go your separate ways when dating.
But that isn't any different than any other thing you deal with when evaluating a relationship. 2 people always have a chance of having differing views on anything and there are lots that can challenge a marrieage/relationship.
I didn't seek out single mothers, but I didn't avoid them either. I'm not saying anyone should date a single mother if they don't want to... just that the potential issues that people bring up are possible, not a given or even likely).
My step daughter treats me like her father (although she has a good relationship with her biological father and sees him regularly) We have a different relationship than she has with her bio dad, but she's my daughter.
My wife and I are a single entity when it comes to parenting all of our kids. There are some things that we might disagree on, but we come to an agreement together and the kids don't divide us.
This is getting long, so the last thing i'll say is about priorities. Our kids needs are priority 1. That doesn't mean that I neglect my wife so I can cater to the whims of our kids. My step daughter was the only child for the first few years of our relationship. She was my wife's priority whne w adted and our priority when we married (really once I decided my wife was "the one" the step daughter was our priority 1. Still doesn't mean we ever neglected one another.
I'd like to summarize my thesis by saying a lot of complaints about step kids and drama from them can be said about kids in general. If you like and want kids AND you find someone that shares your parenting style (and you can't gloss over ths or ignore red flags...) having step kids won't be a problem.
Typically, I have no real qualms of dating a single mother with high-school aged, kids. That way at that age, they can be left home alone while mom goes on a date. They can use a microwave. The kids even have b/fs and g/fs themselves they date. and so on. No wiping noses or cutting meat. lol
Typically, I have no real qualms of dating a single mother with high-school aged, kids. That way at that age, they can be left home alone while mom goes on a date. They can use a microwave. The kids even have b/fs and g/fs themselves they date. and so on. No wiping noses or cutting meat. lol
True...
But if you think it is easier to deal with a teenager who doesn't want you dating their mother than a toddler who doesn't want you dating their mother... well, I just think you are wrong...
True...
But if you think it is easier to deal with a teenager who doesn't want you dating their mother than a toddler who doesn't want you dating their mother... well, I just think you are wrong...
Just have to find a woman that has a teen that doesn't take issue with it. Some can be supportive. Usually if the previous father was a jerk, it helps if you wind up being better than said jerk.
I mean, plenty of teens that are allowing their parents to date, yes?
Just have to find a woman that has a teen that doesn't take issue with it. Some can be supportive. Usually if the previous father was a jerk, it helps if you wind up being better than said jerk.
I mean, plenty of teens that are allowing their parents to date, yes?
Just to be clear, I'm not arguing with you... just presenting my perspective I guess.
Sure, there will be teens who don't care or are supportive of their parent's relationship.
But I think whenever you are in a long term relationship (or at least that is on the table), you have to be realistic about the aspects of that relationship. In this hypothetical case, that teen is going to go to college, have kids, move away get divorced, whatever... the bio parent is going to be involved. How that involvement manifests varies but if you go into the relationship with a parent of a teen counting on that teen being relatively invisible for the rest of your lives... as DJ Khaled says (you don't have to know who that is ...) Congratulations, you played yourself.
But if you and the single parent are just keeping things at arms length and there's no plan to cohabitate or get married ever, then you can get away with the mindset that the kids will be out of sight to some extent.
If you are in love with her, then you can stipulate this situation, talk about your ideas with her. If the girl is not looking for a sponsor, then she will understand you. If you don't love her, then there is no point in building this relationship.
I don't like/want kids, can't date a woman that has them. That probably means never dating anymore, and I'm ok with that.
there's plenty of women that dont have kids
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...) Congratulations, you played yourself.
