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Yeah, dump her and move on, unless she wants to have a relationship (part time) with you while the kids are elsewhere (their real dad). Which would essentially amount to FWB, if both you guys are OK with doing it that way.
Better to be alone than to have a bad relationship. Was she even married when she had the kids? If not, another reason to bag it.
In today's America, if you look at it coldly, there is no advantage in marriage for a man, BTW. I know you didn't bring up the M-word, but, so many people eventually go there.
Anyway, for me the kids always come first. I was interested in reading this thread, because I might find myself a single mom soon, after 18 years of marriage. But if I ever do allow another man in my life again, he'll never be first for me as long as the kids are still under my care. Even now with my husband, he comes after the kids.
I hate to find myself in this position, because I'm quite old-fashioned and thought I was going to be married for life with the same man. In fact, I don't ever want to marry again. Once I learn to be on my own again, I don't think I would want to give that up, especially since I'm not planning to have any more children. So if in case I would find another man in my life, he would just be a companion.
The kids are part of the package. They are not a "mistake." You either learn to love the whole entire package or keep shopping.
Well said..
I am remarried, two kids from the start of my marriage, two more added. There was an ease from the start, in all of us together. I was very careful to go slowly so the children did not become attached before I was serious It may have helped that my children were young and my ex was 2000 miles away in So Cal( I had to move home due to cost of living) . There have been bumps along the way, but we will celebrate 10 years of marriage this summer.
Women with children may be manipulative and looking for a meal ticket, but they may also be loving and fertile! women whose fairytale went wrong. Relationship people tend to crave relationship. If that is what the OP wants- family and relationship, and he gets along well with the children, it may be OK.
But please OP, don't become the babysitter, or a regular breakfast guest. Take it slow, see how everyone fits, and try to see things from the children's point of view.
when she had those kids it was time to hang up dating. when they are 18 its time for them to leave and she can start over.
the rest is a whole lota confusion.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. So if you're divorced and have kids should both of you wait until the kids are 18 to move on with your lives or just the one who has custody of the kids? Or were you just referring to single, never been married women?
Quote:
Originally Posted by fabumom07
Well said..
I am remarried, two kids from the start of my marriage, two more added. There was an ease from the start, in all of us together. I was very careful to go slowly so the children did not become attached before I was serious
This is so important. I hate when I see girls bring guys around their kids after 2 or 3 casual dates. A lot of women have that whole "date me, date my kids" mindset and I think that's probably one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. You wait months to introduce them to mom but you introduce them to the kids after drinks and a movie?
Quote:
Originally Posted by kofi
Every man fears the day when the faithful and often said "you aint my daddy" is shot at him. I've met this girl....all is well with but her kids. How can a young man proceed. How do i also tell if i won't be made to pay for the mistake of the previous man/men in her life.
Women kindly give me the key:....................
i say it depends on the woman. The paying for the mistakes of previous men can occur with a woman who doesn't have kids as well but i would say that would indicate she's not ready for a relationship. As far as the "you ain't my daddy" if you marry someone with kids - you probably will hear it. It will be up to you to decide what role you want to play in their life (do you want to be their step-father or their mother's husband) and then it will be up to the mother to make sure her kids are respectful of the role you're assuming. If you have kids of your own you'll probably hear "I hate that you're my daddy" or some variation of that and again it will be up to you and the mother to establish what roles you play in their lives and make them respect them.
Dear all, being seeing this single mother for a while, 39 and she has a boy of 6. The problem is I am 59. What do you guys advise?
Six is a pretty good age to implant new memories and family experiences. Defer discipline to the mother for the first year of the relationship ONLY if you think the relationship is worth pursuing. Don't accept silly, bad behaviour. Be wary of behavioural problems, anything too extreme is not worth your time...unless you truly think it is.
when she had those kids it was time to hang up dating. when they are 18 its time for them to leave and she can start over.
the rest is a whole lota confusion.
How can a young man proceed. How do i also tell if i won't be made to pay for the mistake of the previous man/men in her life.
........
If you marry her and adopt her children, she can leave you and you'll wind up paying child support until they are 18. So in that way, you could be made to pay for another man's children.
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There was an ease from the start, in all of us together. I was very careful to go slowly so the children did not become attached before I was serious It may have helped that my children were young and my ex was 2000 miles away in So Cal( I had to move home due to cost of living) . There have been bumps along the way, but we will celebrate 10 years of marriage this summer.
