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There are plenty of single girls/women out there without kids. I know it as a fact.
I'd much prefer this, but being a mid-40s single man who comes across 40s to mid-40s single women, who have no kids, I am finding they WANT kids if they've never had any. So it's kind of like catch 22. They are going to be alone for a long time because most men their age are single dads..but if she's over 40 and wanting a kid of her own, she's kind of screwed.
Well, not really, she could just go at it alone and foster as a single person or artificial insemination. Unfortunately, some won't do this, because they'd rather have a partner in the process.
I'd much prefer this, but being a mid-40s single man who comes across 40s to mid-40s single women, who have no kids, I am finding they WANT kids if they've never had any. So it's kind of like catch 22. They are going to be alone for a long time because most men their age are single dads..but if she's over 40 and wanting a kid of her own, she's kind of screwed.
Well, not really, she could just go at it alone and foster as a single person or artificial insemination. Unfortunately, some won't do this, because they'd rather have a partner in the process.
I held out for a man who didn't have kids and finally found one. There are still lots of guys in the dating pool in their 40s, never married, with no kids. For me, I would rather have not married at all, than had to become a stepmother.
That's not really the case. If you marry this girl she can just buy her kid a car and you end up paying for it. I have seen it as fact.
That is one of the issues of taking up with a girl/woman with kids. You end up paying for her kids and her grandkids. You really want to see money blow out, just wait for the grandkids. And they don't want to move out of the area. They want to be near the grandkids. You want to move out west or down south, forget it. I have seen it as fact.
I dated a really nice girl a number of years back. She has a very intelligent daughter who lives in DC. When the holidays came around she would leave me and visit her daughter and husband. I understand and respect that. But she would come back happy and relaxed but I would just feel empty after spending the days alone. I did not want to continue like this and I broke up with her.
There are plenty of single girls/women out there without kids. I know it as a fact.
Why do you think men are going to pay for the step kids? You know in the 21st century we women have careers, money, good jobs, our own houses, right? And that the kids already have a father who can pay/contribute economically to his kids, right? I don’t know why men in these threads are always complaining they have to pay for everything. In my case and my female friends almost all of us actually have higher salaries than the male partners, due to higher education and professional degrees, great jobs and enough money to support ourselves and our kids.
If you marry her and adopt her children, she can leave you and you'll wind up paying child support until they are 18. So in that way, you could be made to pay for another man's children.
Why adopt the children? Kids have their own father.
Men don't "have" to pay for step-kids but if they choose to legally adopt them, they will wind up paying child support for those stepkids if there is a divorce. You also really can't be a step parent and refuse to do anything financial for the kids. Even if the wife has a good career. The marriage won't work well if the step parent refuses to ever buy anything for the kids or help with their expenses.
My dad re-married a woman with adult kids and he wound up paying for their weddings, stints in rehab, etcera, now he's broke and only lives on social security. Sure, his wife worked and had a good job, but she also loved spending money. And he wanted to show her that he loved her and cared about her daughters, so he paid up.
Men don't "have" to pay for step-kids but if they choose to legally adopt them, they will wind up paying child support for those stepkids if there is a divorce. You also really can't be a step parent and refuse to do anything financial for the kids. Even if the wife has a good career. The marriage won't work well if the step parent refuses to ever buy anything for the kids or help with their expenses.
My dad re-married a woman with adult kids and he wound up paying for their weddings, stints in rehab, etcera, now he's broke and only lives on social security. Sure, his wife worked and had a good job, but she also loved spending money. And he wanted to show her that he loved her and cared about her daughters, so he paid up.
That’s not how it works in my experience. I guess me and the women I know are completely capable of providing for ourselves and we really hate when men try to jump in and offer to pay for things that are our responsibility. Again why adopt? The kids have their own father and either he would have to quit his parental rights voluntarily or a court would have to deprive him of his parental rights and the court needs to have good cause to deprive parental rights. Mom getting remarried is not good cause to deprive dad of being the father. The kids get child support or joint custody, so again, no financial responsibility for step dad or step mom. People in this situation just try to find financially stable partners. There are a lot of people out there not desperate to get their partner’s money.
That’s not how it works in my experience. I guess me and the women I know are completely capable of providing for ourselves and we really hate when men try to jump in and offer to pay for things that are our responsibility. .
I don't think that anyone is saying that women don't have careers. I've met my share of single dads who, I felt, wanted an extra wallet along with a live-in nanny. (I'm not signing up for that). The single dads with grown kids didn't seem to be in any rush to marry, but the single dads with young children sure did.
I know a lot of step parents who provide financially for their step kids, or help provide. They want to keep their marriage going, for one thing.
Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 08-28-2019 at 10:24 AM..
I know the original post was from 2009, but I want to point out that there isn't a magical key to these types of things that any member of the gender collective can automatically bestow. Each situation is its own, and it will unfold according to the personalities and circumstances involved. It's about developing life skills, not searching for a key.
If I found myself approaching cohabitation with a single mother, I'd see a lawyer about the legal considerations. I'd make sure the lawyer is representing me, not his notion of the archetypal duty he believes I should carry out. I wouldn't consider cohabitation unless marriage was the goal, so I can't imagine that the consultation with the lawyer wouldn't lead to a prenup. I'd also want to see a family counselor who would act as a neutral party and be sure expectations are fully in the open and the right questions are completely answered. Between the lawyer and the counselor, it wouldn't surprise me if unspoken or unrealized expectations rose to the surface that would end the relationship. The reason for professional involvement is to be sure the relationship is viable.
i have gone through something like this. And i have once posted something like this before but not on this forum. Someone advice me if i truly love her i should call her and let her understand some fact if not someone will surely get hurt. I called her and explained how i felt about the whole stuffs and she made a promise never take the kids over me and thank God she has a very good kids and even if the kids got me mad i still control my self and instead of me to get mad at them i stay clam and i talk to them like my kids take them for shopping surprising them with different gift and now we are happy together. Even the kids calling me Dad.
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