my husband is killing me. (girls, cheating, child, college)
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Actually, I was being sarcastic!!! Verynicebecky! I think I do have many blessings - because I am naturally a positive person. Of course I don't think my hubby is funny when he is verbally abusive - Get real!!! What do you want me to do cry, cry cry?!!!! I am thankful for your advice and you don't need to respond anymore, I will see this thing through - I have listened to everyone and I have already taken steps to see a counsellor. So goodbye veryverynicebecky - try living up to your name.
I know what she means because you came here because you think your husband's mean ways are killing you, it made you sick.
You've gotten advice, but in some posts you look like you are making excuses for him. We don't know him, you do, so maybe it isn't as serious as some of your posts read.
I looked at your last reply to me this morning, and wondered if you were actually letting off steam in your 1st post, you came here venting. Maybe you feel better after venting? Some times it helps.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennaflorrie
I left him in 1990 - went back. Glad I did because at least I have the children. But, now - if I leave there is no going back - I would never believe he had mellowed or come to his senses. He never has before! I probably wouldn't divorce - but I would seperate - I would live in one house with the kids and he could live wherever he wanted. At least then I would have my own space to relax in. But once out I wouldn't go back and try again - I don't think I would have the strength to try again after finally getting out.
I don't understand how you could stay in the house. How are you going to get him to leave? I guess you can always call the cops & file a domestic abuse report, that will get him out.
I wish you luck. As I've said, I've been abused both physically & mentally and it stinks. While you feel he won't hurt you (don't you think I punched back too?), he has hurt you.. you are sick with an auto immune disease
Hopefully venting helped you. Maybe now once you've gotten it all out, you can live with his abuse a little longer.
I know what she means because you came here because you think your husband's mean ways are killing you, it made you sick.
You've gotten advice, but in some posts you look like you are making excuses for him. We don't know him, you do, so maybe it isn't as serious as some of your posts read.
I looked at your last reply to me this morning, and wondered if you were actually letting off steam in your 1st post, you came here venting. Maybe you feel better after venting? Some times it helps.
I don't understand how you could stay in the house. How are you going to get him to leave? I guess you can always call the cops & file a domestic abuse report, that will get him out.
I wish you luck. As I've said, I've been abused both physically & mentally and it stinks. While you feel he won't hurt you (don't you think I punched back too?), he has hurt you.. you are sick with an auto immune disease
Hopefully venting helped you. Maybe now once you've gotten it all out, you can live with his abuse a little longer.
When I started this post I was at the bad cycle - horrible hubby ranting and raving and stuff - now he is calm so I am calmer - but sure as eggs is eggs I know that the bad stuff will come back around. You're right I did vent. I let it all out. It has helped me, but the advice I have had has helped more. I don't know if I can live with the abuse any longer - the auto immune disease has changed everything.
If it looks like I have made excuses for him it is because I have tried to paint a true picture. I hate unfairness and don't want to make it look like hubby is a complete monster. He is a mix, but the bad bits of the mix are bad and I just needed to figure it all out with the help and advice of others who maybe had also been in similar circumstances - such as yourself.
If hubby was a through and through wife beater I would have run away long ago. But I should have gone a long time ago anyway. Slapping and verbal abuse are not acceptable.
When I started this post I was at the bad cycle - horrible hubby ranting and raving and stuff - now he is calm so I am calmer - but sure as eggs is eggs I know that the bad stuff will come back around. You're right I did vent. I let it all out. It has helped me, but the advice I have had has helped more. I don't know if I can live with the abuse any longer - the auto immune disease has changed everything.
If it looks like I have made excuses for him it is because I have tried to paint a true picture. I hate unfairness and don't want to make it look like hubby is a complete monster. He is a mix, but the bad bits of the mix are bad and I just needed to figure it all out with the help and advice of others who maybe had also been in similar circumstances - such as yourself.
If hubby was a through and through wife beater I would have run away long ago. But I should have gone a long time ago anyway. Slapping and verbal abuse are not acceptable.
Jennaflorrie,
I was married to a verbally abusive man. I stayed longer than I should because, of course he was not a 100% evil person. It's easy to guilt yourself into staying if you fixate on those several redeeming qualities. Staying that long with someone like that makes you think that's all there is, that it's good enough, that maybe you don't deserve better.
Well, eventually I did leave. I have been married to my second husband for ten years now. My life is 1,000,000x better than it was. Life is so much better when you share it with a loving and caring partner, without all the drama and BS that an abusive spouse puts you through. Everything in life is so much nicer.
Abusive men have two different sides. Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, Dr. Jekyl is very nice, Mr. Hyde is very mean. That's why these types of relationships are so difficult to be a part of, they cloud your clarity and suck you in.
Without reading all the other posts, it seems to me from what you say about his moods changing so radically from day to day that he suffers from a mood disorder most likely being Bipolar. These people have high highs and then low lows and almost nothing in between. Only medication will help, not prayer. Being passive and sitting around for "something" or "someone" to rescue you is not the answer. If he is not willing to go to a shrink and get a diagnosis and counseling, than you either live in hell or leave and have a chance at a life and happiness again. To have your children watch their mother being physically,mentally and verbally abused is to damage them for life and possibly continue this behavior when they are in relationships. That's been their example of what Mommies and Daddies do. Is that what you want for you children besides the abuse they get from him? Stop the abuse by taking some kind of action or it will not stop, he will not respect you and it will absolutely only get worse as time goes on. Please do something pro-active now!
Had a row with hubby 2 nights ago. He threw a tv controller at my leg - massive bruise on it now. I let rip - told him what I thourght of him, he had big problems, he must have been emotionally abused and had serious problems in the past to act the way he has. He started crying and crying. Told me that I had hit on the problem, he had no confidence he didn't care about himself - didn't think he was worth anything. Obviously he has a lot of anger and issues about the past. Things had happened at school, because he was diabetic he's been bullied about that at school, his mum and dad were nice but had never praised him or built him up. He must have cried for 15 minutes just talking about things and he was saying "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry...." Maybe I got to the core of things? Maybe. Hubby has lots of problems - he is the one who needs healing!!! Inside!
My joint problems are much better. Probably go back to work soon.
Without reading all the other posts, it seems to me from what you say about his moods changing so radically from day to day that he suffers from a mood disorder most likely being Bipolar. These people have high highs and then low lows and almost nothing in between. Only medication will help, not prayer. Being passive and sitting around for "something" or "someone" to rescue you is not the answer. If he is not willing to go to a shrink and get a diagnosis and counseling, than you either live in hell or leave and have a chance at a life and happiness again. To have your children watch their mother being physically,mentally and verbally abused is to damage them for life and possibly continue this behavior when they are in relationships. That's been their example of what Mommies and Daddies do. Is that what you want for you children besides the abuse they get from him? Stop the abuse by taking some kind of action or it will not stop, he will not respect you and it will absolutely only get worse as time goes on. Please do something pro-active now!
We think alike. BiPolar was one of the 1st things I mentioned, although I'm not sure if it is that or some other anger issue. Since his flare ups are coming closer together, it very well might be Bi Polar.
Ok, first of all I've just about had enough of this "Christian beliefs of staying together no matter what"!! Come on!!!!!!! I'm a Christian and I sure don't believe in that, no matter what I said in my marriage vows. "For better or worse" doesn't mean getting yourself killed or seriously injured. If things get THAT bad in a marrige, NO marriage vows are going to keep me with a spouse that does this. If the bad stuff didn't stop fairly quickly, I'd be OUT OF THERE...period!! If you try to help someone who doesn't want the help, it's OVER. If someone has a sickness and YOU are getting "battered" by their sickness, you need help and so do they. Would I still stay with the person....NOPE!!
Just my opinion (but I'm sure there are other that share my feelings).
After enough "I'm Sorry's" and repeated bad behavior, the sorry's don't mean anything. Just like when an alchoholic beats his wife when he is drunk and then says he's sorry when he sobers up, it's the same story without the booze. Without help it will not stop. I know you must love him somehow and you have children, but think of your children. Is this the kind of environment that you want to raise them in??? Maybe a trial seperating while he gets his act together and if he doesn't intend to then to me you only have one choice.
He started crying and crying. Told me that I had hit on the problem, he had no confidence he didn't care about himself - didn't think he was worth anything. Obviously he has a lot of anger and issues about the past. Things had happened at school, because he was diabetic he's been bullied about that at school, his mum and dad were nice but had never praised him or built him up. He must have cried for 15 minutes just talking about things and he was saying "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry...." Maybe I got to the core of things? Maybe. Hubby has lots of problems - he is the one who needs healing!!! Inside!
You have been with this man how long? And did not know he had these problems?? How long did you date before marrying him? These are problems that the two of you could have worked on early in your relationship.
I don't understand this. My husband and I dated for 6 years before getting married. We knew everything about each other, every detail, every pain and hurt we experienced in life. We helped each other through the pain and healing process of some things that happened to us. We know everything about each other.
Am I old fashioned or something? Or maybe just weird? It seems like couples don't know anything about each other or discuss anything before marrying anymore. I pulled this post from another thread:
Quote:
Originally Posted by faina00
We discussed finances, future children, roles, expectations, pet peeves, retirement, what to do if one of us becomes a vegetable and everything else under the sun PRIOR to marrying.
It baffles me how many couples do not have these discussions until it is too late, which shows they lack one of the most important aspects of a relationship: communication. Fortunately, we communicate without the aid of a counselor.
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Get real!!! What do you want me to do cry, cry cry?!!!! I am thankful for your advice and you don't need to respond anymore, I will see this thing through - I have listened to everyone and I have already taken steps to see a counsellor. So goodbye veryverynicebecky - try living up to your name. 
