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You never know when a person with a history like that will snap. The ball is in your court. You may die from the disease or from him snapping one final time. You make that call.
If it was me, I would move myself & children out of there, at least so that he knows you mean business. After a while if you want to see if he mellowed out and came to his senses, then that's a call you make.
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Originally Posted by jennaflorrie
Well, I think I've already been through the worst of it. Remember, I have been with him 20 years - he started off verbally abusive then got physically rough - slap here and there - then kicking my legs (poor legs), he's put his hands round my throat (not tight strangling - more threatening), I was so sweet and nicey nicey when we met - then the worm started to turn. I would fight him back. He slapped me I slapped him back. I told him he might as well kill me cos I wouldn't ever let him destroy me. I would argue back with him - thourght he's verbally abusive anyway - what's the point of trying to keep the peace - HE DON'T WANT PEACE.
Told him I hated him when he started. He would be nasty - I learnt to be nasty. I told him it was his problem, he was crazy, told him only weak men hit women, told him to go and hit a man. Since then he has calmed down. He knows if he slaps me I'll go beserk So he's a bit more wary. But it's taken years to get to the place where he realises I am not going to be pushed about anymore.
It's the verbal abuse now. The way he tricks me to think everything is just fine then WHAM - F...off, you are useless.....blah,blah,blah......I'm leaving....F.....F....F...****....Every expletive you can think of. He makes the slightest thing into World War III. He was usually worse when I am going to work a night duty or when I am very tired after a night duty. It's sort of get me when I'm down.
How long can I put up with it. Well, if it wasn't for this auto immune thing I would probably go on, arguing and fighting with him, waiting for the next mad moment to occur. But now I have this auto immune thing, I don't know if I can go through the stress any more. It's like I've just come to the end of the freeway. I have worked so hard - people think I am a workaholic - but I feel like 'That's it - bottom of the barrel, end of the road, no more left'. I am going up the hospital next week for some tests. I am in limbo at the moment.
Try praying for forgiveness and letting go. It worked for me. It's clear to me that you are addicted to this person, that's why it's so hard to leave. May you find peace, rather than rest in it. Take care
I have forgiven him moonsavvy - time and time again but I also know I need to let go. Yes, I probably am addicted to him. I feel as though there is this invisible glue sticking us together and it would take supreme energy and willpower to get unstuck!!
Hubby still fine. But son told me last night - had a long chat - that his dad was putting him off his soccer. He is really good at soccer and a natural sportsman(a lot of people have commented about his ability with sport), but his dad has been yelling at him when he has missed a goal, or not tackled someone properly - my son says his dad has put him off soccer. I have told my hubby to stop shouting out at C at the soccer matches - seems like he hasn't been listening...... Now I have told my son that I will take him to the soccer match - that he needs to get his confidence back, that he is a natural sportsman and mustnt give up - I said his dad was trying to get him to improve, trying to push him on - my son said "well, how is telling you you're useless and your team would play better without you going to help me improve?" He said "I just feel nervous when he's there - if I do well he says well done, but if I make a mistake I think Oh no,Dad is going to be mad about that"! He said it is just stopping him from playing well. He said on the way home from the soccer match last week, his dad had told him off - gone on and on - then slapped his leg a few times saying "You've got to be aggressive!" C was so upset in the car on the way home.
Felt really, really sad about that. My stupid hubby is putting his own sporty son off a game he enjoys and is good at. I know hubby takes soccer seriously - but honestly my son is 10 and needs to enjoy the game and be trusted to just get on in there and go for it. The last thing he needs is his dad pulling him down!!! Awful! My daughter asked what the matter was - I said "Oh dad's been putting C off soccer, shouting at him and spoiling it for him", she said "Just tell dad to put a sock in it!"
So I'll be taking my son to the soccer from now on - no point in hubby going if he is going to put his son off and make him do worse. Just have to tell hubby tonight to forget it this season - C neeeds to get his confidence back!!!!
Yes, I do need to think of myself for once verynicebecky. And my kids are losing their respect for their dad more and more.
You never know when a person with a history like that will snap. The ball is in your court. You may die from the disease or from him snapping one final time. You make that call.
If it was me, I would move myself & children out of there, at least so that he knows you mean business. After a while if you want to see if he mellowed out and came to his senses, then that's a call you make.
I left him in 1990 - went back. Glad I did because at least I have the children. But, now - if I leave there is no going back - I would never believe he had mellowed or come to his senses. He never has before! I probably wouldn't divorce - but I would seperate - I would live in one house with the kids and he could live wherever he wanted. At least then I would have my own space to relax in. But once out I wouldn't go back and try again - I don't think I would have the strength to try again after finally getting out.
I am lucky - I live in a good place, I have many blessings. Thanx - you put a different slant on things!! Hubby has got a sense of humour actually - Perhaps next time he tells me to F...off I'll just laugh -ha,ha,ha!!! He is so silly it is funny sometimes!!
Help! I have been married 15 years. In that time my husband has physically abused me - just a slap here and there nothing too serious. Worse is the verbal abuse - F...off, P...off, called me names, putting me down, very critical.
Ok. This has gone on for 10 days now. The OP now says she in a good place. Husband is just being funny and silly....whatever.
Ok. This has gone on for 10 days now. The OP now says she in a good place. Husband is just being funny and silly....whatever.
I'm done with responding to this thread.
Actually, I was being sarcastic!!! Verynicebecky! I think I do have many blessings - because I am naturally a positive person. Of course I don't think my hubby is funny when he is verbally abusive - Get real!!! What do you want me to do cry, cry cry?!!!! I am thankful for your advice and you don't need to respond anymore, I will see this thing through - I have listened to everyone and I have already taken steps to see a counsellor. So goodbye veryverynicebecky - try living up to your name.
Actually verynicebecky I am sorry - you have given good advice, I didn't mean to be snappy. It's just frustrating to have someone think I actually think my hubby and his behaviour is funny. Of course it isn't. It is far from funny. I have many blessings though - and I am thankful for what I have got - ie children and the good stuff.
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So he's a bit more wary. But it's taken years to get to the place where he realises I am not going to be pushed about anymore.
It's clear to me that you are addicted to this person, that's why it's so hard to leave. May you find peace, rather than rest in it. Take care 
