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Will somebody-anybody-please show me where the Bible or any other Christian literature says that you MUST stay in an abusive marriage!!!!!!!!!
yes marriage is important. But NOT as important as you and THE CHILDREN!!!!!!! Get out! he aint gonna change after 15 years!! get out and let God take care of the rest!!!!!!!!
The Bible doesn't say anything about that but some people like to use that as an excuse to stay in a bad marriage.
I agree that she should get out of the marriage. Been there, done that. People don't change.
God is Love, not hate. God doesn't want you abused & hurting, especially with your children around, don't let your children think its ok to talk like that to anyone, no excuse is good enough to treat anyone that way. Let the Love of your children give you the strength to get out of the so called marriage.
Yesterday, Hubby sweetness and light. If only he could always be like that. I found an old diary yesterday - from 2002 - it was in the wash basket in the garage! Reading it I realise nothing does change. Hubby telling me to "Why don't you f....die right now", hubby pushing me about, me writing down how I felt....blah, blah, blah......etc.....etc.....One excerpt read ">>>>>came to church with me today (this is unusual), he sat smiling whilst the pastor spoke, he put his arm around me, on the way home.....F...this....F....that, yelling at the kids in the house, verbally abusive to me - that is a fast change, from smiling in church, to crazy at lunch"
What sets it off. I have tried everything. I have talked to him, yelled at him, sworn back at him, tried not to argue with him - nothing works!!! Now here I am in 2008, still stupid, still hoping and trying. Yes everyone I am an idiot. Thing is, one minute hubby is sweetness and light and everything in the world is right and the next he goes crazy. For instance.......last week, I threw a piece of bread out for the rabbits (children's pets), should use proper rabbit food but none in the house - hubby see's the bread and starts yelling "Why do you do it, why?" I said "OK" trying not to get drawn into an argument. He starts yelling, kids are around, he slams his fists on the kitchen worktop, acting all dramatic like the end of the world had arrived because of a piece of bread!!! It is little silly things that set him off.
/////// is not physically abusive anymore, it is the verbal abuse and the emotional abuse that is hard. When I have talked to him about it, he says he has really tried hard to change, he is sorry that he acted physically abusive in the past, he wishes he hadn't, he was an idiot. These little things are like carrots dangled in front of you - giving you hope that the future can be good. My son loves his dad, my daughter tolerates him! On new years eve went to a nearby pretty town, when we got there my daughter slipped and fell down hard, hubby just stood over her and said "shall we just leave her here she is an embarassment" I really told him off, he apologised to my daughter but the damage had been done. My daughter later told me she hated her dad. But often time she is hugging him - he was the one who gave her the rabbits.
Lots of stories I could tell. One last one for you - a few months ago, I was getting ready for working the night shift at the hospital. Hubby created a row - can't remember what about now - he swore at me F..... off, up the stairs at me, in front of the children. I was so mad, I thourght, why am I working all these nights, putting up with this man, I told the kids "
Come on we're going. I've had enough. My son and daughter didn't want to leave. I calmed down - thourght how my colleagues were expecting me at the hospital - I spent some time calming the children down, while my hubby, was down stairs feeling sorry for himself. I then had to go and work a very busy night shift, hubby didn't say sorry or one word to me. But I very nearly left that night. It's always nearly isn't it guys.
Maybe humans are afraid of change, we get used to the little that we have instead of looking the possibility of what we could have. Thing is, I am ill, I have been off sick for a while, money problems are looming. If I lose the house it is definitly good bye to hubby. If his mum and dad moved into a built annexe would that help things? Maybe, hubby is unhappy, miserable, fed up, if he was happy - his mum and dad living in an annexe - bills all paid more money - would he be happy then? Would I still have to put up with his mood swings. He blows hot and cold. I have told him he is a jagged stone. He cuts everyone who handles him. Thank you for listening to this, if you have a good hubby/wife cherish that.......all I ever wanted was a happy marriage, not to live in a war zone.
I can't understand how Christianity has anything to do with abusive relationship! What about the vow HE TOOK in front of GOD to LOVE, CHERISH, and HONOR his WIFE in SICKNESS and in HEALTH? Is that vow not sacred enough??? Have you ever considered what kind of lessons your husband's behaviour (and you're own behaviour by letting this go on in front of them) are learned by your kids? Both of you are showing your children that it's okay for daddy to slap around and insult mommy any time his mood feels like it, and the only thing mommy can do about it is suffer in silence like a good obedient Christian wife (you may slap back every now and then, but you chose to STAY in the end, so actions, in this case, are louder than words). I hate to say that there's a good chance your son will grow up to be just like your husband and your daughter will grow up to be a victim, just like you. Statistics don't lie.
What about your duty as a christian to bring up your children in God's likeness? How are you going to accomplish that with the current condition?
If counseling is not an option, why not speak to your pastor about this? Maybe some religious intervention is in order.
Having found that diary, imagine what your life would be like now if you had left then......no money troubles, more then likely no health problems, perhaps you would have met someone and be in an actual happy marriage. Instead you stayed, and I have to say....you are hurting your children by staying. Your daughter is going to have serious issues with men, and you will have noone but yourself to blame for that.
I echo most of the posts here, that your husband's behavior is bad news for you and especially for your children. The sweet periods are a way to manipulate you into staying. It is a very typical behavior in those who control and abuse. They are always sorry and promise to try harder but is 2008 any different than what you wrote in that diary in 2002? I can tell you from experience that children can recover and do well after a divorce. Seeing their mom happy and less stressed and no longer in an environment of yelling is so much better than having two parents live in a war zone together.
I just don't believe that a loving God would think it is better for you (and your children) to stay in an abusive situation than to get out and possibly be happy. I don't believe that God expects you to put up with this kind of garbage in His name. I just don't... I'm sorry if that's offensive, but I think that God wants you and your children to be happy and safe. Simplistic? Maybe, but I don't believe that putting up with an unsalvegable marriage gains you extra favor in God's eyes. He would understand why you need to get out!
My dad's a strong christian - I really respect him - he thinks divorce is a bad thing, you have to pray for your hubby, trust God. But if I am ill - because of the stress of this marriage - then maybe my days of fighting for this marriage are over. In the past my son has said he would live with his dad if we seperated. I guess I just want to keep my kids with me, create some kind of family, I don't want my kids torn between mum and dad. My son said he would live with his dad (even though he's a mummys boy) because he said Dad took him to the football. I think you are right about my daughter having issues with men in the future - but my son, I cannot imagine him ever turning out like his dad - because he is completely different nature. He has loads of friends at school, he is giving and caring and very sensitive. But I know what you mean, they live what they learn.
So say I had divorce my hubby in 2002, would my kids now be screwed up because of that? Would I have been alone paying bills, struggling? Would my kids have been rebellious and disobediant to me? Who knows.
We're in a calm time at the moment. Yes, you are right - it is a means of control - calm times then outbursts of irrational anger. Do I love my hubby? No! Do I wish he would disappear? Yes! Could things possibly get better, do leopards ever change their spots? What will ]]]]]]]]]be like when he gets home tonight? When is the next storm coming up? What will set him off this time? Will I ever leave him? What will it take for me to say enough is enough? Will keep you all posted. Thanx for all your encouragement, the hard words, the kind words - I am listening to you all. I do not know you, but it helps to tell you all this, many of you have been through similar situations - I do not expect a perfect husband, diamonds, holidays abroad, fancy clothes, all I want is this man I married to not curse me, swear at me, emotionally abuse me. Why can't he just do that? Is it so much to ask?
Forget to ask - what do you think about his mum and dad building a granny annexxe on to our house? Is it worth going for do you think? They would pay our debts off, they would pay the bills every month and having his parents around would be therapeutic for darling hubby!!! I wouldn't have to work so much. Could it work. Or should I just kick his a....out the door? The next 6 months are going to be big changes. But changes it what direction?
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