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Help! I have been married 15 years. In that time my husband has physically abused me - just a slap here and there nothing too serious. Worse is the verbal abuse - F...off, P...off, called me names, putting me down, very critical. I have worked full time nights as a nurse. Now I am ill with an auto immune disease. I think all the financial stressess, childcare and hubby problems have all hit me. I am burnt out I think. My husband is still playing his games. Most of the time OK, some of the time miseraqble, some of the time nasty. I feel as though I am on some sick roller coaster. Up down, all around. He says he loves me and would die if anything happened to me. I am a christian so I feel a moral obligaiton to make my marriage work. He is ok with the children. I do most of everything in the house. He praises me for it and says how hard I work. He is ok then all of a sudden when my barriers are down - POUNCE - he goes for me, not physically, verbally. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. He is diabetic, so I know his blood sugar could be influencing his moods. But what should I do. I have built my own life - I have my own friends, I go to church by myself with the kids, I try to find happiness in things with a positive attitude. I keep forgiving, keep trying, but my hubby is so difficult. I keep hoping things will change. I can't even go in the car with my hubby and my 2 kids - within 5 minutes he's moaning about things, shouting at the kids, stressing me out I could say more, but I'll leave it at that for now. Anybody wise out there?
jenna--I am so sorry you are going through this. Below is a link to a similar thread. This may help motivate you to leave your husband. No woman should go through what you are. Find the strength within you, leave him and take your children.
I am a Christian too and I understand about your commitment to stay in the marriage. I do. Probably many on this forum would recommend packing it in. I wouldn't (assuming the abuse is emotional only now) because I do believe in the sanctity of the marriage covenant. That said, however, I think you can insist that he get some counseling and/or change his behavior. Just because you forgive it doesn't mean you have to continue to accept it. Does that make sense what I'm trying to say here? He will likely continue in that behavior unless you intercept it by refusing to tolerate it. I really think you should insist that he get counseling. You need to firmly communicate to him what he is doing and how badly it is affecting you...in no uncertain terms! You say you go to church. Is there a pastor you can discuss this with?
Has this went on for the entire 15 years?
I would put a stop to it. It sounds like you have had enough of his abuse, and the kids really don`t need to witness his actions around you, or them, for that matter. You don`t want them growing up, and treating their wives/husbands the way he treats you, do you?
I would try to sit him down and have a long talk about it. Tell him how you feel....how it makes you feel, when he talks to you like that.
If he loves you as much as he says he does, then he will maybe take a hard look at himself, unless he wants to be alone for the rest of his life.
Nobody wants to live in that environment!
If he doesn`t want to listen to you, or even try to understand, then suggest marriage counseling. If he refuses that too, then tell him you have had enough of his mouth. Move on...but I would try to see if he is willing to reason with you first. I`m sorry that your so miserable. Life is to short for that! Enjoy it, while you can. How old are your kids?
Help! I have been married 15 years. In that time my husband has physically abused me - just a slap here and there nothing too serious. Worse is the verbal abuse - F...off, P...off, called me names, putting me down, very critical. I have worked full time nights as a nurse. Now I am ill with an auto immune disease. I think all the financial stressess, childcare and hubby problems have all hit me. I am burnt out I think. My husband is still playing his games. Most of the time OK, some of the time miseraqble, some of the time nasty. I feel as though I am on some sick roller coaster. Up down, all around. He says he loves me and would die if anything happened to me. I am a christian so I feel a moral obligaiton to make my marriage work. He is ok with the children. I do most of everything in the house. He praises me for it and says how hard I work. He is ok then all of a sudden when my barriers are down - POUNCE - he goes for me, not physically, verbally. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. He is diabetic, so I know his blood sugar could be influencing his moods. But what should I do. I have built my own life - I have my own friends, I go to church by myself with the kids, I try to find happiness in things with a positive attitude. I keep forgiving, keep trying, but my hubby is so difficult. I keep hoping things will change. I can't even go in the car with my hubby and my 2 kids - within 5 minutes he's moaning about things, shouting at the kids, stressing me out I could say more, but I'll leave it at that for now. Anybody wise out there?
REPLY: What youve described is a marriage situation shared amongst many many millions thruout america. Its a marriage where youre just putting up with one another . Its sad. Your only hope is professional Counselling with both of you attending. The question i would have for you though is : 1. If we talked to your husband, what would he say about you that pushes him over the edge ? 2. Why did you as a Christian neglect what The Bible says about not being unequally yoked with an Unbeliever / not willing to go to Church with his family ? thanks.
Help! I have been married 15 years. In that time my husband has physically abused me - just a slap here and there nothing too serious. Worse is the verbal abuse - F...off, P...off, called me names, putting me down, very critical. I have worked full time nights as a nurse. Now I am ill with an auto immune disease. I think all the financial stressess, childcare and hubby problems have all hit me. I am burnt out I think. My husband is still playing his games. Most of the time OK, some of the time miseraqble, some of the time nasty. I feel as though I am on some sick roller coaster. Up down, all around. He says he loves me and would die if anything happened to me. I am a christian so I feel a moral obligaiton to make my marriage work. He is ok with the children. I do most of everything in the house. He praises me for it and says how hard I work. He is ok then all of a sudden when my barriers are down - POUNCE - he goes for me, not physically, verbally. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. He is diabetic, so I know his blood sugar could be influencing his moods. But what should I do. I have built my own life - I have my own friends, I go to church by myself with the kids, I try to find happiness in things with a positive attitude. I keep forgiving, keep trying, but my hubby is so difficult. I keep hoping things will change. I can't even go in the car with my hubby and my 2 kids - within 5 minutes he's moaning about things, shouting at the kids, stressing me out I could say more, but I'll leave it at that for now. Anybody wise out there?
OUCH!
Well congrats, the first step in breaking the cycle is to tell someone about it. An online forum is a great place to start. I've been where you are.
Do you want to survive like you've been doing or do you want to thrive? I chose thrive, you may not be ready to take action yet but I think you're getting close. His behavior is unacceptable.
I'm sorry....but it is VERY rare that abusers change...even with anger management...etc.
Get out, seek your local battered women's shelter & take your kids...they can help you with everything that comes after leaving.
He might not actually know that he is doing it, many people locked up in their own emotions can't see themselves from an outside perspective. I'm sure if he watched video footage of himself yelling and cussing you out infront of the kids, it would shock him. Before you up and divorce him (which you SHOULD keep as a very near option), you should talk to him about it. You know what, take your Original Post, and print it out. Let him read it, and tell him that unless he changes and starts respecting you, you are going to have to break away from him because he is hurting you. Before you leave at least try to open his eyes to what he is doing, and whatever you do be rational, try not to get emotional which will only look like you are PMSing. Counseling is also a good option, and men hate counseling. He might change just so he has to stop going to counseling. If he doesn't change, then begin packing your stuff and divorce preceedings. No reason to stay in a situation that won't change for another 15 years!
Counseling is also a good option, and men hate counseling. He might change just so he has to stop going to counseling.
You seem to have a pretty good knowledge for a young never married person...
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