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pg took the words right outta my mouth...or fingers in this case.
Robyn, "Hello, SIL. I need to speak to J." Use the word 'need' not 'want'.
SIL, "Yata yata, blab blab, bunchopoop, etc."
Robyn, "Have J call me, please. It is urgent that I speak with him today. Thank you."
CLICK
Robyn, their crazy-makin' behavior will drive you up a wall. Don't let them play with you. Don't play with them. You don't have to engage in any sort of conversation with them at all.
There is not a judge or mediator in this world that will tell you that you have to accommodate anyone screening his calls in order to speak to him.
In fact, if this issue were brought up in court, he'd be the one in hot water.
I had a similar problem when my ex remarried- I only call him once or twice a year if theres something I need to discuss with him. His wife would intercept the calls and ask what it was regarding. I got tired of her third degree when all I wanted was to talk to my son's other parent.
So one time I refused to give her any more information than for him to call me. She dug and dug and I wouldn't say anymore. Although he was supposedly "sleeping" he called back within 5 minutes.
You know, I am so tired of playing nice. I have done it for so long. It is my nature.
I didn't give her any information other than it was an emergency and I needed to talk to Ls father... I am telling you. These people are off the wall crazy.
then ib tells me I am paranoid. I told him I was over the way they treat me. I don't treat them badly, never have. Even with the way they treat me, the things they have done to me. I have been trying to call the court for a week now and I have no idea what in the heck is wrong with their phones.. it rings like a busy tone.
I am walking over tomorrow at lunch. I never ever wanted to do this, for it to come to this, and I even let things ride, but I just can't do it anymore, especially when it has to do with the well being of my kids.....
I wish I had my oldest sister oomph in this type of situation.
Now to another subject, since I am not able to sleep and my thoughts are lingering.
I talked to number 2. I was laying in bed and my cell rang. It was him. Asking me how I was doing.. his voice is very soft. sweet. I talked to him for 25 minutes,. He knew my day was bad, and then asked me what happened, then saying, you know what, it's not my business.. I just hope your tomorrow will be a great one.
I will see him on Saturday. I was out on the front porch swing talking to him, having come down from my room and gone outside. I hung up the phone and came into the darkness of what is inside as A came down the stairs...
Mommy, there is a spider on my ceiling... He is so afraid of every kind of bug, even lady bugs wig him out!
So, he is calm, and making his way back upstairs.
My phone rings again. I think hmm, wonder why he is calling me back. Oh, it's not him. It's number 1.
He's a country boy. Country boy accent... just got home from working. it's just before ten. He has a construction company. After that, he helped his friend with something having to do with taking apart or rebuilding something on his house.
He says I still haven't fed my dogs yet! (hunting dogs) Oh yea, he's a country boy.
His voice is much deeper. He is a much larger man than number2. Very stocky, thick. Tall. Dark hair. Goatee . sweet eyes. nice demeanor. 39. He apologizes for calling me so late... but he said he would, so he did.
Number 2 jokes how he is having to work for his money this week.. his boss and counterpart in DC for the week, he is supervisor doing something in the Federal Gov't.
Number 1 blue collar.. hard worker, with his hands.
Number 2 has hands softer than any woman I have ever met. He is much smaller in stature. I had on some chunky heels the other day and he was about 3 inches taller than me, so probably 5 alltogether.
Short hair. salt and pepper. 46. goatee. He may be about 180 lbs or so. If that?
I was listening to my messages today and the one with the lady who called me re job interview came up.
I listened to it a bit more closely today.
She tells how I interviewed with another office who is affiliated with their business.
There is an opening in one of the offices in that group. I did not apply there.
In the message, she asks me if I would like to apply there. guess my resume was on file from last month.
The other thing is that it is the same type of specialty as the one I interviewed for before, much closer to my house than the other. Very difficult to get a job there, and not a whole lot of turnover there.
I was talking tot eh girl who is the one leaving and she tells me it is stressful there... very busy. Well, I am used to that. She asks me if I get along with the people I work with... I think to myself..hahah
I said not all of them.
She said its good there in that respect, all except for one person. One is better than what I am dealing with for sure...
Not getting sleepy yet. I don't know whats wrong with me and sleep.. we are not friends.. I need a new bed... ohhh like that is happening anytime soon.
I checked on L several times throughout the day at school today, and she did very well.
It's funny that I wrote about struggle and not being able to take another thing yesterday and then all this stuff happens this am....
It was hard having to restrain her, not only the physical part of it, but the actual act of it, and the emotion with it.
I hated it. I had to do it. I was not able to do it before, I was not strong enough, I was sick, not feeling well... and far worse happened. When I was not able to hold her back.
I got her before she got so very full of adrenaline this morning. I had to push her down onto her bed and quickly hold her down at the middle part of her arms, then with my leg leaning a little over her body.
I held this position forever, and I didn't think I could do it anymore, but I had to, because if I didn't.. oh it would not have been good. I know from exp.
There was that coupled with the idiocy of ib and his family. I was angry this morning, enraged. Not even hardly with what was going on with her, but with them.
And I spoke my mind. He acted like he was right and that he was better than me... but he isn't. I don't know what is wrong with these people, how they cannot see or understand their behavior.
I suppose it's not for me to know, or try to even worry about figuring it out. Makes me so mad. Then when he is not upon their influence, he tries to do the right thing.. tries to set her up to see the dr... in the am, I pleaded with him she needs to go, I can't take her... He says to me I am paranoid, over reacting. Just like he said to me the last time this happened,
Oh but the last time was in such a very bad way. Bad happenings, bad out come, bad everything.
I knew if I didn't restrain her early on, it was going to be something bad.
He doesn't understand this, and he never will.
He thinks he is doing his part by paying the little bit of child support he pays. He thinks that is all it takes.
All of these years, I thought he was a good parent... I suppose I was blinded to that too.. he couldn't have been , with the way he belittled them ,etc...
He just is always showing the person he is. Can't even help it.
Ok, it's morning again, and it's Thursday, making tomorrow Friday, and a big YAY to that!
So far, today is good. No arguing, no one upset. OK, the kids are getting on eachothers nerves just a little tiny bit, but thats all.. nothing more.
A is getting so tall, as he is growing tall, he looks so skinny! I feed the child.. it looks like he doesn't even eat.
He is looking more like a man than a boy these days. Muscles starting to be defined. Had the mustache for a while... voice got deep.
Oh.. he's growing up. So is she.
I am going to walk over to the courthouse today at lunch. I already have a form that I could hand in for.. wel, I can't think of what it's called, but it is if he does not follow his court order. Is it called show cause? I don't know...
I don't know if that is what I want to do though. I just want to go and have it known that he is not supplying adequate medical insurance, has a new job. We are not allowed to call his home and he turns off his cell.
I wish there was a way to involve the fact that he allows his family to interact with every single aspect of life...
There is no reason in this world that we should not be able to get along. What. Is he mad because he cannot control me any more?
Oh, it was your choice. Your dam straight it was.
I would choose it a thousand times over. A million times over.
Just because of the choice I made, I told him, does not make it that you are no longer their father. You may not have 'chosen' to have them, but you did, and just as I am responsible for them and their care, their well being, so are you.
Oh he got so mad when I told him to step up and be a father. At that point he had to kick the dog out of bed with him... yes, he is sleeping with a dog.. but thats ok, the cats lay on my bed when they feel like it...
So, the kids will be with him this weekend. On mothers day. It's ok. I am going to take it easy this weekend. I am doing something both Saturday and Sunday, so I'll be busy, but at the same time... taking it easy.
Yep, you can do both things at the same time. Tuesday I told the kids they need to make Mothers day cards for their grandmother and aunt.
I am not buying them this time. That can be up to their father, if he wants to do it. If they make them, they make them, if they don't, they dont.
You know whats strange? I have not heard a peep out of his mother for a good while... nothing. not a single word, not her voice in the background... just L complaining that she is a pita.
Oh, I just asked the kids and they said she's always doing paperwork. She has been doing this paperwork for dag on 4 years. She is trying to get every last penny out of her ex husband, every last dime.
She is just paperworking her life away. What if I was like that? What kind of life would that be?
You know, I should file for spousal support. I sure need it with him not supplying adequate medical coverage for the kids...
I don't know. I just want him to do what he's supposed to do. If he cannot even be responsible as a parent... sometimes I feel like why does he even see them? 4 days a month, if that. Does he think that because he pays child support, he has to see them?
Why even do that? It is just a nuissance for him. Thats all they are. Wasted time. I sure hope he does not make them feel that way.
You know, I feel like I am just rambling on and on here, but typing these words out is like releasing them from my mind, just getting things out.
It is just good to get it all out...
so... number one and number two both said they would talk to me tomorrow, meaning today, which was yesterday.
It is so weird, different talking to a man and having them say that.
How does number one know that he will talk to me today? Because he wants to?
They both are like I have known them forever, as different as they are from one another in every single aspect.
The only thing that they share a likeness in is the fact that they both have goatees, well, that, and they are both sweet and shy.
Ok, so there are a few things... but as far as build, work, vehicle, accent, etc etc etc... they are not the same.
You know what, I think their personalities may be similar, although number 2 is much more humorous, as far as I can tell...
Ok, enough of that for now...
I was in the middle of a group hug and Mommy was the cheese!!! WOOOHOO!!
Today is picture day and my kids are bumming. not really, but just wearing t shirts.. I don't even care.
I am not buying pictures that cost 40 bucks and they don't even let you see them first.
Oh if you don't like them you can send them back and we will refund your money.
Oh, yea right,. you think your kids are gonna let you do that? Hello?
Morning Robyn - Sounds like you had a very full day....and a very stressful one, at that.
You know, I'm sure, that by standing up for yourself and making sure IB complies with ALL the terms of your agreement does not make you a person who is "not nice." I know it's not in your nature to be nasty, we all do, but by standing up for yourself and the kids and DEMANDING that IB following the terms of the agreement - you are not being "nasty" or "not nice" - you are just standing up for yourself and the kids. Not wanting to "stir the pot" with IB is a throw-back to when you were together and you were afraid to upset him because of the consequences (his belitting, his anger, whatever). Rember that. You HAVE to stand up for yourself and your kids.
You mentioned that you could still ask for spousal support - DO IT! You may not get it, but you may get something. It's not being "mean" to IB - it's called looking out for yourself and your kids.
He's going to throw a hissy fit when he gets whatever he'll get saying you were back at the court to have the agreement enforced...so what. Unless he calls you when he has the kids and there is something he needs to discuss about the kids, you DO NOT HAVE TO TALK TO HIM! Click him! <g>
I would suggest that starting today - everything goes by the agreement - where to pick the kids up, where to bring them back, etc. No deviation from the agreement. No trying to acccommodate his "needs" or "wants." If, for whatever reason, he cannot take the kids on his weekends to do so, fine, but don't rearrange things so he can take them when it's more "convenient" for him.....things like that. You making sure the kids do something or make something for his family on any holiday or "special day"? Forget it! That's for him to do - especially with the way his family treats you.
I'm really happy to read you are going over to the court today. As unpleasant as it is, it has to be done.
How nice that #1 and #2 called you last night! I hope the calls put a smile on your face.
I know it's not my place to say this, as I don't know #1 or #2, but from my experience with dating, be careful with #2. For some reason, what you write about him makes my "radar" switch on...almost like he's too smooth, too practiced, says just the right thing and what you need to hear. He may be all that he appears to be, and he may be sincere and "real"....but for some reason it makes me uncomfortable. No reason for you not to enjoy dating him, just be cautious with your heart.....Okay, 'nuf said about that
I don't remember when your job interview is, but I hope it goes well for you and you get the job.
A friend of mine has a saying he's adopted - "Remember, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger." The first time I heard it, I laughed, but as I went through rough patches through the years, it always came back to me - whenever I thought things were bad, I couldn't handle them, etc., etc., that little ditty would pop into my head and I would realize he was right. As you go through these ups and downs, remember those words - they do ring true!
Okay, I've babbled enough - I hope you have a good day today and a PEACEFUL one. Remember....if IB calls you for any reason, just click him and be done!
number 2 is sincere.. as is one... he doesn't make my radar go up, and believe me, it is on big time
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