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Prayers and positive thoughts going out to you on the job front, Robyn!!
future and other have offered some sound insight on the dating thing. Think of it as a smorgasbord of friends and opportunities. Look, 'smell', take a small 'taste' of many people. (I mean that in the most upright, moral context.) Be very cautious about assigning traits to anyone at such an early stage. You might like what's in the next kettle even more.
Even in the very best of circumstances the good behavior wears off, and we become more real. Give it all time. Take things slooooowwwwwwwww.
The very same thing that we think will take us down is the very same thing that strengthens us.
Struggle. I must say. There is a thing the Lord says... I will never give you more than you can handle. I have been to that place many times in my entire life. Right before the 'more than I can handle' place. Since I left in September, I can say that I have been there twice.
Back in November, and then again last month. Right when I would get to that place... the place where if one more thing happened, I just don't know what I would do, I just don't think I could handle it... I lay my head on my pillow in prayer, and in hope, waking up the next morning and everything just feels like it will be ok.
Just as a series of things happen to get me to that place, a series of things lift, and then new ones fall upon me. Good things...
So, I don't know if it is a cycle of sorts, or if it is my own mind saying look, now. I just can't take this. I can't do this anymore, and I set myself straight.
Truthfully, I do not think that is what it is. I also do not know why all of these things happen to get me to that place either.
Am I being tested? Is my strength and my will being tested? I just do not know. My faith? My endurance? Me?
I experienced today, that there are good people still hanging around here and there. Oh I already knew that... but sometimes, I think they are hiding..
I really don't like getting to that place... the 'one more thing' place. It makes dread loom over my head. What is going to happen next? Will something be layed upon me that I cannot handle? Will it all be lifted, somehow. Will He make a way?
And surely, when you get there, you know about it. A terrible feeling. But when you overcome it, a wonderful feeling. Have you been there? I am not the only one, am I?
I don't think I am, but when it is happening, it sure does...
I don't know if this was a positive or negative post, but as I was driving home from the hospital, it is what I was feeling, thinking...
Struggle make me stronger. No one wants it, but surely without it, we would not grow.
You guys... I am just fine. (dating) I know where everyone is coming from. I know you worry. I can feel my mother hens swooping in once again... This happened last year with something else, and I can't remember what it was.
I am talking to more than one person. I am not putting superhero traits on any of them. I am picking out traits that I like and dislike.
The youngest of them ... he seems very shy, very gentle. He is not very computer literate, and realizes that. He opens up a little more each time I talk to him. He fits the 'look' I have always been attracted to. The look, the build, the way he dresses, the vehicle he drives. He does not punctuate correctly, and has some misspelled words. Would like to go out with me. He is a 'Good 'Ol Boy'
Next in line agewise, is the one I went out on a date with. Nothing like anyone I ever went out with. Not in the way of looks, dress, vehicle, work. When I say nothing, I mean NOTHING. He has a very good sense of humor, and he cracks me up. He drives a car. I am not used to this in a man. Hair color not what I am used to, but I like it... He has sophistication, is a bit older than I am... Not too much, but more than the one before. He is nice. Also gentle. Shy, but not like the other one.
The next is the oldest, one year older than the last. He is another one that is different fro what I am used to. He is a photographer and travels a bit in his work.. doing just that... photography. Hair color I am used to, but that makes not a difference. No facial hair... He is looking for an Asian woman, and he is a Buddhist/Taoist.. what is that? He smokes, I don't like that. So does contestant number 1. Number two does not. What else can I say about this one? He has cute dimples. All three do. A very different name. I am sure I could come up with something else... just not right this second.
Ok. So.. number 2 tells me it is just fine to go out on other dates. I agree. He says its just like buying a house, you wouldn't shop around first. I also agree with that theory. Talks to me about my feelings. After coming out of such a long relationship, I should guard myself, keep myself safe. It is very easy, he says, for a persons feelings to be clouded.
He does not want to fill a void in my life, of the things that I did not exp in the past. If I am going to like him, to like him for who he is, not for who he isn't.. (ib)
He knows nothing of my past.. he does not know of him, other than wee were together for about 17 years or so. Knows I have the kids.
But he knows. He knows there is something. Something that has happened to me.
He said, I don't know what happened to you in your past, and it is none of my business. It is not my intent to ever hurt you, or anyone that comes into my life.
He knew that something had happened to me. He told me earlier in the night that I was beautiful. I suppose I gave him a questioning look.
He then said, you don't know, do you?
I said no.
As we were sitting down and eating dinner, the wind blew my hair into my eyes. He gently brushed them aside for me.
It was a nice night. We talked a lot. He held my hand in the theatre... his hands are softer than mine.... I am a little jealous...
I am ok. I am on the lookout. So is he, it seems.
Says that he could handle another heartbreak, but doesn't want to be the cause of one for me, telling me to be careful... safe.
Taking whatever happens with us, or anyone, slowly, with all the time in the world.
Who's afraid of the big bad wolf, big bad wolf, big bad wolf...
Omg you guys... they told me not to drink coffee today, and then when I could I drank this huge mocha with like 4 shots of expresso in it, and then another 24 hounce chocolate coffee a few hours later....
I am not shaking, but I am not tired either!!!
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(I mean that in the most upright, moral context.) Be very cautious about assigning traits to anyone at such an early stage. You might like what's in the next kettle even more. 
