Female friend ruined my relationship (dating, girlfriends, married, women)
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So, I had been dating a wonderful girl for a few months now, and things were going well. She was exactly my type physically and had a great personality. We got along great, and we were both looking to relocate to the same place (her for graduate school and me for a new place to live). Life was good and then I went to a party with her.
I was talking with her, and a female friend of mine (so there was 3 of us in the group). This friend of mine has been around for many years, lets call her Jane. The topic came up of having kids (Jane is 33 and single). Jane says "I'd have kids right now, married or not. I'm so ready to have a baby." To which me, as a jokester of the group, said "Ok, lets go upstairs", and motioned toward the stairs in a joking fashion. We chuckled for a second and then she said, " I would never, never have a baby with a guy as short as you". Now, understand, my height isn't an issue for me. I am 5'5", but I never talk about it, and I sometimes struggle but still manage to find dates. So, the issue isn't my height. Also, Jane is about 5'8", so she is quite tall for a woman. My girl was 5'1", for perspective. Anyways, the timing couldn't be better as she said it during a quiet break, so she really hammered the fact home.
I said "Well, you're pretty tall, so I can understand that". She said "Even if I was short, I would never date a guy who is as short as you. Most women think about their kids and genetics and went into a whole speech about short boys getting beat up and made fun of, and short people being heavier, etc (I am stocky myself, so I took that as a dig), and how smaller guys can't protect you as well. After that, I noticed a marked difference in my girlfriends behavior. She was clearly more distant and I could easily tell that she was thinking about this. This girl has been avoiding me ever since, so I just gave up on her. I'm not into girls that aren't into me- its a waste of time "convincing" someone to like you, not that I initially didn't try this, because I liked this cute girl so much.
It really, really made me mad that my friend did this. So, I went off on her. Her response was that if the girl really cared for me, what she (Jane) said wouldn't matter. She basically made it out like she did ME a favor! I stated that she caused this, fanned the flames, and it was the wrong opinion at the wrong time. I called her the b-word several times and our friendship is over. Now, my circle of friends are divided and because most of them are females, they are siding with her over me because of their sex, mostly. Privately, some of them feel that I am 100% right and she was wrong, but alas, those women don't seem to side with what is right, but only loyalty to the other girls. Chicks before d*cks I guess. Lastly, I kinda feel that these girls feel that, as a man, I need to man-up and deal with it. Its so frustrating because its so clear that these girls just don't understand how I felt about this girl. In other words, many women think we, as men, can coldly man-up, go out, and just find someone new. I know first-hand how incredibly hard that is for men, too.
I guess I'm just venting but I'm so disappointed in the way things are going down. I strongly feel that this single girl, Jane, just wanted to ruin what was a good relationship out of jealousy. Not that she wants me at all, but because she's a miserable person. She seems to root for breakups too, her advice has always been "you should dump him" whenever one of the other girls are having man problems. Now I'm moving 450 miles away, and just wonder what to do, as this girl wanted to move to this new area too. I feel like "explaining" my height just makes a shorter man look desperate, as well as there is nothing to explain- it is what it is. Feels like a no-win situation. Anyway, thanks for listening.
I dont know why your girlfriend would be mad over anything this friend said... But it wouldve been nice of her to defend you in that manner, or compliment you or somehow showing that she is on your side. your GF probably sensed jealousy and she doesnt trust these other friends around you.
Just because this friend is unhappy doesnt mean everyone else has to be unhappy. Its sucks to think that although she is a good friend, shes a bad person and you cant be around that. Ive been in situations like this and the best thing I think to do is simply walk away from your friend and forget about it. Over time Janes friends will realize that you did nothing wrong and see that its her thats the problem. Janes friends will see you as a friend again and forget all about that non sense.
Go after this girlfriend. It still seems fixable and the whole thing was just blown out of proportion.
If it doesnt work out then just avoid jane at all costs, not saying you cant be where shes hanging out, just dont have conversation with her. If she says something then tell her you dont want to talk to her, no explanations, just blunt.
My guess is the girl you have been seeing was put off by your joking about having sex with one of your female friends. That would have been totally inappropriate among most civilized adults. Actually its disrespectful to your GF/date even though your were just joking around.
That would have been a deal breaker and that is something my BF would never say/joke about because its disrespectful to me and plain gross/creepy. I would also never joke about making babies with a guy friend because that is rude and disrespectful to my BF. You sound like a real keeper.
Wow! Some friend! With friends like that, who needs enemies? At least you're moving away from your "friends". When you get settled into your new place, be more careful about whom you choose for friends. Loyalty is important. And Pear Martini has a point. Think before you blurt. Be careful how you joke.
My guess is the girl you have been seeing was put off by your joking about having sex with one of your female friends. That would have been totally inappropriate among most civilized adults. Actually its disrespectful to your GF/date even though your were just joking around.
That would have been a deal breaker and that is something my BF would never say/joke about because its disrespectful to me and plain gross/creepy. I would also never joke about making babies with a guy friend because that is rude and disrespectful to my BF. You sound like a real keeper.
While it may seem that way on a computer screen, it didn't come across that way. In fact, she laughed about it, as she knew my personality is congruous with that. Lets put it this way, I am certain that my comment is not what put her off. I am known as a jokester/prankster and she liked that about me.
My guess is the girl you have been seeing was put off by your joking about having sex with one of your female friends. That would have been totally inappropriate among most civilized adults. Actually its disrespectful to your GF/date even though your were just joking around.
I strongly feel that this single girl, Jane, just wanted to ruin what was a good relationship out of jealousy. Not that she wants me at all, but because she's a miserable person.
Yup, that's exactly what happened
Quote:
Originally Posted by VintageSunlight
I feel like "explaining" my height just makes a shorter man look desperate, as well as there is nothing to explain- it is what it is.
Leave her alone. If she is that easily manipulated and weak to care what that itch said then she DID do you a favor.
When you try to be good friends with members of the opposite sex that you are attracted to, it will just end in disaster.
Umm, who was I attracted to? Confused.
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