For a Female Friend who's left an Abusive Relationship/ Suggest helpful things for her to read-- poems, other writings? (dating, boyfriend)
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An acquaintance of mine has recently left her boyfriend because he became verbally abusive to her & increasingly physically abusive. This was after she (and her 12-yr-old daughter) moved from out of state to live w/ him. Right after they moved in together, his behavior became more & more extreme with wild mood swings & "flying off the handle" at the slightest thing. He also became very controlling, interrogating her all the time, accusing her of crazy things. In addition, he started isolating her, "forbidding" her from talking to the neighbors (accused her of wanting to have an affair w/ an elderly male neighbor), didn't want her talking to her relatives back home & got mad if she tried to find new female friends in the area. He constantly phoned her from his job & got mad if she didn't pick up every time, tried to keep track of her all the time, starting checking up daily on her phone call history, invaded her email accts & demanded to know all her passwords, etc. (After she revealed to me what was going on & I read up on descriptions of abusive behavior, I realized how much this guy fits the profile, it's like he's a "textbook case"!)
After almost 2 months of this, after all the arguments & accusations, after feeling nervous & "shaky" all the time, always trying not to provoke him so he wouldn't lash out in anger and with him starting to get "rougher" w/ her (pushing & shoving her when they argued, pulling on her hair so much that she lost almost half of it), she finally enlisted the help of her relatives to move out of there & get back to her home state. She had to be very careful not to reveal her plans ahead of time (since the boyfriend had threatened that if she left him, she would be going back to her home state with a broken arm!) Thankfully, she was able to move herself & her daughter out of there during the day while the boyfriend was at his workplace.
From what this woman has told me, it's like she was "brainwashed" for a while. Weeks later, she's just starting to feel "normal" again after almost 2 months of living like a captive in her own home. Even though she feels betrayed by this boyfriend & shocked by how extreme his behavior became (after his being so loving & caring previously), she's also very sad & depressed by the end of this relationship, remembering how promising it was at the beginning-- they started their long-distance relationship almost 2 years ago after meeting online. And for a long time afterwards, she thought she had hit the jackpot & had found the "perfect" boyfriend, someone very loving & caring who wanted the best for her.
I've tried to be as supportive as possible to this person and while it sounds like she's getting stronger every day, I'd like to help her further by finding some writing, poems or whatever, which might address her situation, maybe describing the loss of a dream & what it's like when a dream becomes a nightmare & then you have to escape that nightmare. I think I've seen some writings like this before but can't recall where. Or maybe there's some writings, some poems which could be directly upbeat & hopeful for someone in her situation? Suggestions, recommendations for this? (nothing too religious, please.) Anyone have a link to a website which contains this type of writing for someone who has escaped an abusive relationship? Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
Good for her! Finally, a woman who got some balls and left instead of whining about how hard and impossible it is! F*ck yeah! She is a great role model for her daughter!
Sorry, no advice on what to read, just wanted to give her some props!
Honestly, I think she should start dating again as quickly as possible. Reading is only going to keep her caught in the drama during this difficult time. After she gets out a little and realizes that it really is a big world with many options, then she can start fixing what is broke. But not now.
Think of dating like quitting smoking with a nicotine replacement (gum, patch, etc.) You quench the most severe addiction while you get used to living differently. Once you're accustomed to living differently, then you can tackle the toughest part.
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