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Called from a different number and she answered. Its over. Turns out she hung out with the business card guy on Sunday. She was impressed with his closet full of suits, in comparison to my closet with 2 suits, jeans, button downs and t-shirts. This made him more "put together" (now I know this guy way better than her, and he's always dressing up and selling diet pills that don't work, but I'm not exactly setting the world on fire with my career either, so be it, he's got a schtick that works, so I can't fault that). She said that she did a lot of thinking at the party, and I asked if what my former friend said bothered her, and she said no but very unconvincingly. It was a no, but, she wants the best life for herself as possible. Whatever that means but I get the subtext.
I'm sad because I thought she was really great, but I just wished her the best and told her that I'm still moving away and I think we could have had a great life together. I'm very surprised that she was into him, as she typically made fun of and joked with me about people with orange fake tans and generally douchie-looking, but so be it. I'm not changing my look or anything about myself. I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt guy, and prefer to be in the woods than taking diet pills and dancing at a nightclub. I'm disappointed but there's nothing I can do but move on.
Bummer, but yep, there's nothing you can do but move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and your new city awaits. Enjoy the adventure!
I really don't know why people consider it ok to take a shot at someone's height. It would be considered very rude to point out someone's weight in front of a group yet many people seem to have no problem pointing out that someone is short. I find it very rude regardless of one's sensitivities to their height.
I guess I'm just venting but I'm so disappointed in the way things are going down. I strongly feel that this single girl, Jane, just wanted to ruin what was a good relationship out of jealousy. Not that she wants me at all, but because she's a miserable person. She seems to root for breakups too, her advice has always been "you should dump him" whenever one of the other girls are having man problems.
I didn't read the entire thread but wanted to reply to this aspect of your post: how close friends can be detrimental and motivated to see your relationship break up. Yes, it truly can happen and I've experienced it on both sides, by my male best friend throwing drama bombs just for entertainment purposes (such as suggesting bad behavior on my part) and her friends questioning why we were together for whatever reason ("are you really happy???"). In both cases, I don't doubt it was heavily motived by envy or a patently dislike of the relationship we had for whatever reason, e.g., "losing my best single party bud", "she's got everything I wanted and I'm going nowhere".
But ultimately, if your relationship can't survive this type of unsavory friendship influence, you had other greater relationship issues involved, and this incident was just the "last straw" or the opportunity to cut the cord, even if your acts could have been forgiven.
I just went through a break up and during one of our heated discussions I could have better phrased one of my criticisms of her and she subsequently interpreted it to an offensive extreme. But despite my initial efforts to clarify, explain, and apologize, she still believes I intended it otherwise. And I've come to the conclusion that if that is what it takes for her to accept the outcome (break up), why bother trying to straigten it out. Break ups are never clean. Move on, and good luck next time.
So, I had been dating a wonderful girl for a few months now, and things were going well. She was exactly my type physically and had a great personality. We got along great, and we were both looking to relocate to the same place (her for graduate school and me for a new place to live). Life was good and then I went to a party with her.
I was talking with her, and a female friend of mine (so there was 3 of us in the group). This friend of mine has been around for many years, lets call her Jane. The topic came up of having kids (Jane is 33 and single). Jane says "I'd have kids right now, married or not. I'm so ready to have a baby." To which me, as a jokester of the group, said "Ok, lets go upstairs", and motioned toward the stairs in a joking fashion. We chuckled for a second and then she said, " I would never, never have a baby with a guy as short as you". Now, understand, my height isn't an issue for me. I am 5'5", but I never talk about it, and I sometimes struggle but still manage to find dates. So, the issue isn't my height. Also, Jane is about 5'8", so she is quite tall for a woman. My girl was 5'1", for perspective. Anyways, the timing couldn't be better as she said it during a quiet break, so she really hammered the fact home.
I said "Well, you're pretty tall, so I can understand that". She said "Even if I was short, I would never date a guy who is as short as you. Most women think about their kids and genetics and went into a whole speech about short boys getting beat up and made fun of, and short people being heavier, etc (I am stocky myself, so I took that as a dig), and how smaller guys can't protect you as well. After that, I noticed a marked difference in my girlfriends behavior. She was clearly more distant and I could easily tell that she was thinking about this. This girl has been avoiding me ever since, so I just gave up on her. I'm not into girls that aren't into me- its a waste of time "convincing" someone to like you, not that I initially didn't try this, because I liked this cute girl so much.
It really, really made me mad that my friend did this. So, I went off on her. Her response was that if the girl really cared for me, what she (Jane) said wouldn't matter. She basically made it out like she did ME a favor! I stated that she caused this, fanned the flames, and it was the wrong opinion at the wrong time. I called her the b-word several times and our friendship is over. Now, my circle of friends are divided and because most of them are females, they are siding with her over me because of their sex, mostly. Privately, some of them feel that I am 100% right and she was wrong, but alas, those women don't seem to side with what is right, but only loyalty to the other girls. Chicks before d*cks I guess. Lastly, I kinda feel that these girls feel that, as a man, I need to man-up and deal with it. Its so frustrating because its so clear that these girls just don't understand how I felt about this girl. In other words, many women think we, as men, can coldly man-up, go out, and just find someone new. I know first-hand how incredibly hard that is for men, too.
I guess I'm just venting but I'm so disappointed in the way things are going down. I strongly feel that this single girl, Jane, just wanted to ruin what was a good relationship out of jealousy. Not that she wants me at all, but because she's a miserable person. She seems to root for breakups too, her advice has always been "you should dump him" whenever one of the other girls are having man problems. Now I'm moving 450 miles away, and just wonder what to do, as this girl wanted to move to this new area too. I feel like "explaining" my height just makes a shorter man look desperate, as well as there is nothing to explain- it is what it is. Feels like a no-win situation. Anyway, thanks for listening.
Let me get this straight... she thinks of "genetics" of her children... yet she is 33 y/o, unmarried and without kids. So she wants to have a child. In a serious relationship that adds about 3 years even if she finds the right guy right now, two years to know each other and one year to bear the child, let's say. 36 YEARS OLD AND A FIRST PREGNANCY... she sure knew her priorities of healthy offspring. Well, if hollywood actresses can do it, so can she, right.
Well, since she's so much about "healthy offspring" she should waste no time, she could do artificial way and have a child on her own, right? But that will cost her lots of money. And not just money for start, LOTS OF MONEY LATER ON... and big obligations for a single parent. How big is her salary?!
People who can pull it off usually have like 200,000$ annual salary to buy a nanny full time and keep their job, otherwise they're abusing their parents, brothers and sisters and anyone else to do the job (ok, I'm exaggerating, but you all know I'm right, how can you work and have a small child unless you use someone up to be around)... and then to even include the state help and potential unsuspecting fool who conceives a child with her, to get a child support (those are cases when they choose "safer" option instead of ivf, and it screws another person and abuses the system instead of going for ivf).
Most single parents aren't "single" afterall, let's not fool around. Otherwise IVF would look so great... afterall, hiring a surrogate in india is also cheap and her pregnancy might get complicated, so it's important for genetics to hire a 20somthing experienced surrogate mother, she can have it from 15-25k for surrogacy and multiple ivf cycles (and plane flights). But a child requires another 200-300,000$ BEFORE university, you know... and that's a lot of self-sacrifice for a single parent. People realize it only after they think about it... some are rushing to conceive like your friend, without thinking of consequences... or finding some good old fools of friends/mates as a leverage once they do it.
True, but they don't know each other, other than that night. Anything is possible, though. I'm going to call her in a few hours, once she gets off work. Maybe then I'll know.
I wouldn't say your friend cost you your relationship(or I should say any relationship of any long term significance) because for your girlfriend(if she does) to abandon this relationship over this rant would bean the relationship didn't really have the foundation to become much more than it is.
But of course for your friend to rip you apart in this fashion shows she isn't much a friend at all.
But as for how you handled everything, when you push the envelope so to speak with comments you should expect people to become more bold and push the envelope over the cliff so to speak. Not that your off the cuff comment deserved such a response(because it didn't) but when conversations like that become biting and sarcastic these unexpected comments( or rants) should not come as a total surprise to you. Since obviously you are not happy where this exchange went you should keep this in mind in the future.
Nice. So glad you know me so well. I took your advice (which was really constructive by the way) and I decided to sprinkle some ball-growth powder down there this morning, and now I'm shaping up to have a nice set of balls. So I can be an internet tough guy like you!
Say whatever you want, you're still a little girl blaming your problems on a friend.
Well now that the story has completed its arc, I would say it's the girl who was a douche. It was cowardly and immature of her to try and do the fade on you after being in a relationship. She sounds like a former poster here who was going to break up with his FWB who was getting attached by not answering his phone and pretending he was busy until she "got the hint." Pathetic.
I wouldn't say your friend cost you your relationship(or I should say any relationship of any long term significance) because for your girlfriend(if she does) to abandon this relationship over this rant would bean the relationship didn't really have the foundation to become much more than it is.
But of course for your friend to rip you apart in this fashion shows she isn't much a friend at all.
But as for how you handled everything, when you push the envelope so to speak with comments you should expect people to become more bold and push the envelope over the cliff so to speak. Not that your off the cuff comment deserved such a response(because it didn't) but when conversations like that become biting and sarcastic these unexpected comments( or rants) should not come as a total surprise to you. Since obviously you are not happy where this exchange went you should keep this in mind in the future.
I'd place my money that his girlfriend distanced from him because he is acting like a stupid ass. "Let's make babies"... sure, how about keeping your d*ck in your pants tomorrow when your girlfriend gets pregnant, or should she expect you being one of those who can't calm down even during pregnancy, or maybe even during a few days of her menstruation...
His "friend" obviously had serious issues with him herself. And she bashed him on purpose. That has nothing to do with it, maybe she just hates short people, maybe she hates him, maybe...
But the fact is that he was acting like an ass. He failed on one of the most basic things that other person can expect him and he as a man doesn't understand it... hey pal, what do you think why most men don't want to waste their time with "city bike" to try to change her... it's because she's likely going to trick you with another guy's child out of boredom or entitlement, you know... maybe she simply wants chldren of different fathers to attract attention, maybe she just spreads legs easily. Grown up people hardly change their habits and when it comes to some crucial things most people don't bother to be their "fix option", since they're NOT obliged to and they don't want to get involved... why do you think that drug addicts are avoided by most people even when they are in the process of "cleaning themselves up" from drugs... that's right, pal, you don't want to bother with it. So the same analogy goes here, no sane person wants to have sensors, gps devices or other gadgets around, OR in case of a man to even keep doing dna tests on his own once they marry another person and to keep waiting for a child to be born just to do those tests on their own children. They want that other person who is enough trustworthy for them to deliberately shut down any doubt on such things, someone they think they can trust enough over such things since it's really a big deal.
Just imagine your wife wanting to conceive and you say "it's too early, we should wait"... while she is getting older and older, while you have your children with some of your friends and you don't care. That warrants a shot in the head, too bad the law doesn't work that way and even helps such cheaters to screw people around, or doesn't sanction them at all.
I'd place my money that his girlfriend distanced from him because he is acting like a stupid ass. "Let's make babies"... sure, how about keeping your d*ck in your pants tomorrow when your girlfriend gets pregnant, or should she expect you being one of those who can't calm down even during pregnancy, or maybe even during a few days of her menstruation...
His "friend" obviously had serious issues with him herself. And she bashed him on purpose. That has nothing to do with it, maybe she just hates short people, maybe she hates him, maybe...
But the fact is that he was acting like an ass. He failed on one of the most basic things that other person can expect him and he as a man doesn't understand it... hey pal, what do you think why most men don't want to waste their time with "city bike" to try to change her... it's because she's likely going to trick you with another guy's child out of boredom or entitlement, you know... maybe she simply wants chldren of different fathers to attract attention, maybe she just spreads legs easily. Grown up people hardly change their habits and when it comes to some crucial things most people don't bother to be their "fix option", since they're NOT obliged to and they don't want to get involved... why do you think that drug addicts are avoided by most people even when they are in the process of "cleaning themselves up" from drugs... that's right, pal, you don't want to bother with it. So the same analogy goes here, no sane person wants to have sensors, gps devices or other gadgets around, OR in case of a man to even keep doing dna tests on his own once they marry another person and to keep waiting for a child to be born just to do those tests on their own children. They want that other person who is enough trustworthy for them to deliberately shut down any doubt on such things, someone they think they can trust enough over such things since it's really a big deal.
Just imagine your wife wanting to conceive and you say "it's too early, we should wait"... while she is getting older and older, while you have your children with some of your friends and you don't care. That warrants a shot in the head, too bad the law doesn't work that way and even helps such cheaters to screw people around, or doesn't sanction them at all.
WTH???
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