Am I wrong to not want to date Damaged Goods? (guy, single)
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Having had a mother that was a rape victim during war- and living with three rape victims...it's not easy to deal with the scars made by others- My wife of 27 years was a rape victim--and she still has issues...It makes me feel that if I could get hold of the bastard even now- I would punch his lights out for making MY life more miserable than it should have been.
For some reason I would attract damaged goods...You can feel sorry for them- most are needy and most never get over the damage.
As for crazy- or woman that are medicated...forget it- Years ago I dated this very hot red head...Anytime I tried to reason with her or be truly emotionally passionate- it was like dealing with a corpse- a person that was only half there. Then I found out this girl used to eat Valium like candy...not future with a drug addict- prescribed or street...
The sad part is when you settle in with a crazy person for the long run..you will suffer- others will think that you are the problem...that perhaps you are a bad person.. and when I think back...success avoided me in part because every time I got close to fulfilling a goal the woman would sabotage things...needless drama occured that caused you to de-focus.......I would never do it again..it was a waste of life-other than the children.
What is there to be set straight about? Deciding you do not want to deal with certain issues and being honest with yourself and not leading a girl on with issues you don't want to deal with is very mature.
It's the "certain issues" part that's dumb (Yes, dumb!, as in "not smart", because you'd rather make an assumption than observe and learn something for sure). This thread is all about assuming that because one thing happened to someone or they made a mistake in the past, that it means something regarding who/how they are in the present.
If someone has issues you don't want to deal with, by all means let them go. But this isn't about how they are, just how they were.
What YOU don't realize is that there are going to be some situations that people are not going to want to have anything to do with, and it is their right to if they do not think they can handle it. I don't want to date a woman with AIDS or any other serious STDs, does that make me such a b&#@&d?
Not a bast#rd, just a bit narrow minded, which is your perogative.
Ridiculous metaphor. What someone used to be like is not necessarily any sort of reflection on who they are today. And no matter how you word it and re-word it, you're still arguing for a side that would rather assume than observe; and no smart person would rather trust their future with conclusions drawn from the first than with conclusions drawn from the latter.
How does that old saying go?
"The past is the best indicator of future behavior"
Yes, there are some cases where this doesn't apply but for the most part its entirely true. If you choose to deal with someone whose known for being a boomerang and you get burned...guess what (drum roll)...you asked for it.
that's counter productive and flat out dumb, period.
we're beating a dead horse here, its obvious that we can both agree to disagree.
What YOU don't realize is that there are going to be some situations that people are not going to want to have anything to do with, and it is their right to if they do not think they can handle it. I don't want to date a woman with AIDS or any other serious STDs, does that make me such a b&#@&d?
You could die from AIDS. Never heard of that affect from a divorced woman or child abuse victim.
So I'm narrow-minded for not wanting to put myself at risk of contracting said STD, which is real serious business health-wise? Good grief.
I think deciding that you can't handle a part of someone and not leading them on is mature and my opinion stands.
You are still very young. Your opinions will likely change as you mature and grow emotionally. Right now it makes you feel safe to see the world in such black and white colors, and that's not only typical but okay
"The past is the best indicator of future behavior"
Yes, there are some cases where this doesn't apply but for the most part its entirely true. If you choose to deal with someone whose known for being a boomerang and you get burned...guess what (drum roll)...you asked for it.
Of the twelve things listed by the OP as dealbreakers, only four of them include behaviors exhibited by the hypothetical woman being refused. They are: attention whoring, cheating, promiscuity, and making bad choices in males. And the last one isn't even necessarily the woman's fault. Most of us, including most of you "smart" ones, have done this at least once. The rest of them are things outside of the woman's control. Have any old sayings to apply to them?
A smart person would look at just how uncommon the behavior is (in the general population and for the person being considered for a date), how god-awful the behavior truly was, and how long ago it took place. Ultimately, they wouldn't just refuse someone strictly because of most of the things the OP mentioned. They'd try and determine if any of it really means anything at all.
Of the twelve things listed by the OP as dealbreakers, only four of them include behaviors exhibited by the hypothetical woman being refused. They are: attention whoring, cheating, promiscuity, and making bad choices in males. And the last one isn't even necessarily the woman's fault. Most of us, including most of you "smart" ones, have done this at least once. The rest of them are things outside of the woman's control. Have any old sayings to apply to them?
A smart person would look at just how uncommon the behavior is (in the general population and for the person being considered for a date), how god-awful the behavior truly was, and how long ago it took place. Ultimately, they wouldn't just refuse someone strictly because of most of the things the OP mentioned. They'd try and determine if any of it really means anything at all.
It has been my experience in life that it is best not to generalize when it comes to sizing people up.
Every individual deserves to be seen for WHO they are, not what they are.
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