Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm so sorry for your pain, OP. She set out to deceive you; to get what she wanted all along; and she's used her children and your decency to further her methods.
I am SHOCKED that I agree with UrbanSasquatch and totally disagree with CoolHand. US, I am sorry for what you went through but glad you escaped. However, you didn't totally escape, you still have a lot of pain and, perhaps, even anger/rage to work through. I wish you well with it.
OP, in the end, you have to decide but is the decision based on the children you have grown to love vs the one you will never have OR is the decision whether you can continue to support and live with a woman who is capable of such a huge deception and lack of caring about the hurt she has caused you? I think this may only be the beginning of the deceptions if you agree to accept this and continue on. You may find there are others already going on or she may just take a sigh that she got away with this one and the others will all be easy after this.
My heart goes out to you - and to Urb. I have no advice, just a soft shoulder to soak up your pain.
Well if the OP loves her, I wouldn't call this a hanging offense. Talk it out, see what's going on inside her head. See if she'll lay it all out and be honest.
No, I wouldn't call it a hangin' offense either, but I would call it a leaving offense. She would be the one leaving. I could not and would not live with a liar, once was enough to last a lifetime.
Bravo, for Mike and the rest of you champs here, an unborn child that does not exist yet is worth destroying a marriage of four years.
There's an old saying in my world that advocates a 1000 lies to keep a marriage strong. Not that it advocates lying, but stresses the importance of wedlock.
No wonder many of you folks have an average of six marriages on a 50 year old average resume. Rock on, champs. And while you're at it contribute to the Lawyers Pork fund. Go max out on that already maxed out credit card
Do whatever you want, Mike, but don't get a divorce just coz the divorce nazis told you to
And for Mike's benefit, it goes like this, and I quote:
'Tell that lying biaiatch to pack her stuff and get the f**k outta Dodge (as in the house)!'
Divorce Nazis, my a**...if he wants to get a damn divorce, then he's grown, and he has the RIGHT to want a divorce, based on the low-down junk his wife pulled...acting like she 's Lucy and pulling the football away from Charlie Brown as he runs to kick it...she's got a pair the size of the International Space Station, doing that to a guy who has loved her AND her kids...
Someone upthread made an observation about wifey possibly feeling threatened because a new kid may detract from the attention Mike was givng her and HER kids...well if that's true, then she's got a major problem, and she needs to be gone ASAP---raht now---with the quickness, y'all...
And since when is someone a Nazi, because they feel symapthy and empathy for a fellow human being, and maybe in this particular case, given the gravity of the big lie, divorce might be the best option?
I don't give a Who-Hit-John if it's a lie about a child, or an affair, or where someone hid the family's stuffed armadillo painted half Texas/half Texas A&M...in THIS world, lying is WRONG, and in some cases can and should be grounds for a divorce...ipso-facto, thanks for playing our game, see ya, bottom line, end of story
My wife and I always planned on having a child together (we have been married for 4 years). I am 35 and she is 34. When we met, we had the obligatory discussions about children and agreed on having only one child (she does have 2 children from a previous relationship). When I first met her she was hesitant to have more because she already has two with her ex,but she did come around after going to see a counselor about her trepidations. We talked about baby names,and agreed on names we both liked. She was adamant about being a stay-at-home mom, and I wanted to give her an opportunity she never had, so that was a relief to her. When we started "trying" she appeared happy and enthusiastic...even going to the extent of telling me when she was "fertile"! Fast forward to now, and I just found out that the "infertility" we have been experiencing for the past 4 years is due to the fact she has been taking birth control pills behind my back! We started seeing a fertility specialist about 6 mos ago and I jacked off in a cup (embarrassing), I had my semen analyzed everything came back okay. My wife started getting her hormone levels checked, etc....then I get a phone call from the fertility doctor who left a very abrupt message that he can't help us anymore, and he stated that I should consult my wife...at this point I was almost in tears, believing we were 100% infertile..and when I came home from work upset, my wife very calmly stated that she lied to me about her intentions about having a kid, and stated she has been secretly using birth control to prevent pregnancy, and is not going to have a child. At this point I am still in a state of disbelief. I have gone from intense anger to extreme despair. I feel like I have wasted my life and could have been with someone who truly honestly wanted to have kids..hell, I could have been a dad by now...but I am VERY close to my step-kids who I adore. And to top it all off she is acting like NOTHING is going on, "business as usual" type of attitude...I don't even know what to do next..
She wants you to just "get over it" like nothing happened. She is being very selfish and immature and if I were you, I would probably leave her.
You are NOT to old to become a dad, you have plenty of time to leave her and start over. Many women your age are chomping at the bit to have a baby, and if you meet Ms. Right, you could probably have one right away (so long as her fertility is normal or a little better than normal). If you're very wed to the idea of a child, I would hurry up and leave your wife now so that you can start over again ASAP.
Doesn't sound like she counted on the doc finding out she was on birth control pills
Yeah, and if your wife really thought this OP, then i'm sorry, but you're wife is an idiot. You're better off without her polluting your gene pool with her moronicness.
And for Mike's benefit, it goes like this, and I quote:
'Tell that lying biaiatch to pack her stuff and get the f**k outta Dodge (as in the house)!'
Divorce Nazis, my a**...if he wants to get a damn divorce, then he's grown, and he has the RIGHT to want a divorce, based on the low-down junk his wife pulled...acting like she 's Lucy and pulling the football away from Charlie Brown as he runs to kick it...she's got a pair the size of the International Space Station, doing that to a guy who has loved her AND her kids...
Someone upthread made an observation about wifey possibly feeling threatened because a new kid may detract from the attention Mike was givng her and HER kids...well if that's true, then she's got a major problem, and she needs to be gone ASAP---raht now---with the quickness, y'all...
And since when is someone a Nazi, because they feel symapthy and empathy for a fellow human being, and maybe in this particular case, given the gravity of the big lie, divorce might be the best option?
I don't give a Who-Hit-John if it's a lie about a child, or an affair, or where someone hid the family's stuffed armadillo painted half Texas/half Texas A&M...in THIS world, lying is WRONG, and in some cases can and should be grounds for a divorce...ipso-facto, thanks for playing our game, see ya, bottom line, end of story
Skipper, wait, tell me in one line. Are you trying to make a point?
This is a yes/no question, so don't stress yourself too hard, yo!
My wife and I always planned on having a child together (we have been married for 4 years). I am 35 and she is 34. When we met, we had the obligatory discussions about children and agreed on having only one child (she does have 2 children from a previous relationship). When I first met her she was hesitant to have more because she already has two with her ex,but she did come around after going to see a counselor about her trepidations. We talked about baby names,and agreed on names we both liked. She was adamant about being a stay-at-home mom, and I wanted to give her an opportunity she never had, so that was a relief to her. When we started "trying" she appeared happy and enthusiastic...even going to the extent of telling me when she was "fertile"! Fast forward to now, and I just found out that the "infertility" we have been experiencing for the past 4 years is due to the fact she has been taking birth control pills behind my back! We started seeing a fertility specialist about 6 mos ago and I jacked off in a cup (embarrassing), I had my semen analyzed everything came back okay. My wife started getting her hormone levels checked, etc....then I get a phone call from the fertility doctor who left a very abrupt message that he can't help us anymore, and he stated that I should consult my wife...at this point I was almost in tears, believing we were 100% infertile..and when I came home from work upset, my wife very calmly stated that she lied to me about her intentions about having a kid, and stated she has been secretly using birth control to prevent pregnancy, and is not going to have a child. At this point I am still in a state of disbelief. I have gone from intense anger to extreme despair. I feel like I have wasted my life and could have been with someone who truly honestly wanted to have kids..hell, I could have been a dad by now...but I am VERY close to my step-kids who I adore. And to top it all off she is acting like NOTHING is going on, "business as usual" type of attitude...I don't even know what to do next..
wow.... are kids such an important thing for you?
maybe ur wife doesnt want to though all the stress and pain of having a kid again?
ask if she wants to adopt instead? there's millions in africa and asia that need parents.
I would be contemplating divorce as well. I am so sorry that she did this to you. I think there is no excuse. What she did to you is beyond cruel and disgusting. I am horrified and shocked. I can't believe she made you do fertility testing and you had to go though all that embarrassment. I don't know how you could ever trust her after this. Leave her and find a woman who deserves you. If you truly want a biological child you need ot find a woman who wants to have one with you.
Her betrayal of you is the worst kind of betrayal. She should have been honest and told you she didn't want any kids. She wasted everyone's time including the fertility specialist's who could have been helping a couple that actually needed the help.
I don't know about you but I could not stay with a woman like this for another second. She lied, schemed and manipulated you. How disgusting!
She was probably motivated by the fear that you would leave her if she said she didn't want kids. That does not excuse her beahviour. If she is capable of doing this to you she is capable of anything.
I understand you are close to your step kids and its goignto be difficult to leave when her children are involved but if you really want a child of your own. DO not have one with this woman.
wow.... are kids such an important thing for you?
maybe ur wife doesnt want to though all the stress and pain of having a kid again?
ask if she wants to adopt instead? there's millions in africa and asia that need parents.
Did you read the post. How can you excuse his wife's cruel behaviour?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My wife lied and now I am contemplating divorce
Well, There's A Saying In My World Too...
