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My wife and I always planned on having a child together (we have been married for 4 years). I am 35 and she is 34. When we met, we had the obligatory discussions about children and agreed on having only one child (she does have 2 children from a previous relationship). When I first met her she was hesitant to have more because she already has two with her ex,but she did come around after going to see a counselor about her trepidations. We talked about baby names,and agreed on names we both liked. She was adamant about being a stay-at-home mom, and I wanted to give her an opportunity she never had, so that was a relief to her. When we started "trying" she appeared happy and enthusiastic...even going to the extent of telling me when she was "fertile"! Fast forward to now, and I just found out that the "infertility" we have been experiencing for the past 4 years is due to the fact she has been taking birth control pills behind my back! We started seeing a fertility specialist about 6 mos ago and I jacked off in a cup (embarrassing), I had my semen analyzed everything came back okay. My wife started getting her hormone levels checked, etc....then I get a phone call from the fertility doctor who left a very abrupt message that he can't help us anymore, and he stated that I should consult my wife...at this point I was almost in tears, believing we were 100% infertile..and when I came home from work upset, my wife very calmly stated that she lied to me about her intentions about having a kid, and stated she has been secretly using birth control to prevent pregnancy, and is not going to have a child. At this point I am still in a state of disbelief. I have gone from intense anger to extreme despair. I feel like I have wasted my life and could have been with someone who truly honestly wanted to have kids..hell, I could have been a dad by now...but I am VERY close to my step-kids who I adore. And to top it all off she is acting like NOTHING is going on, "business as usual" type of attitude...I don't even know what to do next..
My wife and I always planned on having a child together (we have been married for 4 years). I am 35 and she is 34. When we met, we had the obligatory discussions about children and agreed on having only one child (she does have 2 children from a previous relationship). When I first met her she was hesitant to have more because she already has two with her ex,but she did come around after going to see a counselor about her trepidations. We talked about baby names,and agreed on names we both liked. She was adamant about being a stay-at-home mom, and I wanted to give her an opportunity she never had, so that was a relief to her. When we started "trying" she appeared happy and enthusiastic...even going to the extent of telling me when she was "fertile"! Fast forward to now, and I just found out that the "infertility" we have been experiencing for the past 4 years is due to the fact she has been taking birth control pills behind my back! We started seeing a fertility specialist about 6 mos ago and I jacked off in a cup (embarrassing), I had my semen analyzed everything came back okay. My wife started getting her hormone levels checked, etc....then I get a phone call from the fertility doctor who left a very abrupt message that he can't help us anymore, and he stated that I should consult my wife...at this point I was almost in tears, believing we were 100% infertile..and when I came home from work upset, my wife very calmly stated that she lied to me about her intentions about having a kid, and stated she has been secretly using birth control to prevent pregnancy, and is not going to have a child. At this point I am still in a state of disbelief. I have gone from intense anger to extreme despair. I feel like I have wasted my life and could have been with someone who truly honestly wanted to have kids..hell, I could have been a dad by now...but I am VERY close to my step-kids who I adore. And to top it all off she is acting like NOTHING is going on, "business as usual" type of attitude...I don't even know what to do next..
Gee Mike, I'm so sorry you're hurting.
It would be one thing if she just lied about something simple (got a traffic ticket, spent too much at the mall, etc...). But not only did your wife lie to you, she's been living a lie for years!
The deception is pretty unforgiveable, so I get why you are so upset.
Not sure what to tell you, but the fact she is acting "like nothing is going on or has happened" indicates to me she has a bit of a sociopathic personality, which doesn't bode well for your relationship.
Can't tell you what to do, but I just wanted to say I understand your pain and wish you the best figuring out how to proceed
I'm just saying for Now don't do anything rash, you have a right to be very very angry.
But at least give yourself a little time to process this rationally, just make sure you don't do something you later regret
Why would she go through fertility tests if she was taking birth control pills? Something doesn't add up.
I know...it sounds like the story line of "Desparate Housewives" or some other soap opera.
But I'm guessing she just did not know how to tell him she had changed her mind and did not want any more kids. She probably didn't want to lose him by telling him the truth, so she went along with the fertility specialist hoping her husband would give up after a while when she didn't get pregnant. What a waste of his time and money!!
I thought that he meant that going along with the fertility tests was a part of the scam, and the fertility tests exposed the fact that she was only pretending to try to get pregnant.
I thought that he meant that going along with the fertility tests was a part of the scam, and the fertility tests exposed the fact that she was only pretending to try to get pregnant.
That's the way I took it too.
Doesn't sound like she counted on the doc finding out she was on birth control pills
Well if the OP loves her, I wouldn't call this a hanging offense. Talk it out, see what's going on inside her head. See if she'll lay it all out and be honest.
Heinous! Throw her and her brats out. She has been using you for a ride, you have been supporting her and her kids. Get the meanest attorney you can find. She has been using you, and lying to you. You don't owe her a dime. Time to take care of yourself, and get rid of this loser user. You sound like a great guy, you can do much better than being with a lying, using, b**** like her.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have known women like this, they are pure evil, and absolutely sociopathic. She does not care about you. YOU CAN DO BETTER.
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