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What I think happens more often than people are willing to admit is that these issues specific to black women tend to be laid on the doorstep of Black Men as the central point of the problems that they harbor.
Have hair issues? Point to Black Men
Have color issues? Point to Black Men
Have marriage problems? Point to Black men
You're a single Mom? Point Black Men
It's inherently divisive and will force people to align with their sides of their gender.
Disclosure: I'm a white woman.
I am finding this thread to be very educational and interesting and I really don't want to interject my opinions because I feel this thread is for black people to discuss issues unique to them.
But I did want to say, I find your post quite interesting and enlightening. I'm surprised black women blame black men for beauty standards and familial issues such as marriage and child rearing.
Kendrick Lamar was not attacked because he said he liked natural women. He was attacked because the woman in the video was the type of black woman that always appears in music videos. Although she was brown skinned, she also looked like she could be part Asian and she had long, curly hair. Basically, he made himself look like a hypocrite.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ralph_Kirk
First problem: You're taking your reality cues from a rap video.
Second problem: Nobody who is taking life cues from rap videos can get past that to solving any second problems.
Dumbest thing in the world: Thinking rap videos represent reality. Might a well believe a Happy Meal is the breakfast of champions.
But wouldn't the woman in Lamar's video be considered black on the street? Its the same argument people use against Obama's "blackness." He's half white and raised by white grandparents. So he's not really "black" or not "black enough."
Also, from what I've read of Lamar's "Humble" video criticisms, people think its a reverse slap in the face for women. Like, if women want to wear weaves, relax their hair, etc. they are somehow denying their blackness. I can see where these people are coming from in a way. I compare it to the skinny vs. fat women issue. In order for us to "accept" fat women, we had to make an enemy out of skinny women. Instead of embracing the idea of individuality and the fact that cosmetic choices do not ever diminish one's ethnicity, life experience etc., I see people on the internet trying to create a divide between black women who are "natural" and those who are not. Women, in particular - no matter the race - are our own worst enemies sometimes.
One other thought, just because Lamar is saying he appreciates "natural" women, doesn't mean its a sleight against other women who choose to groom themselves differently. This honestly reminds me of when I tell one of my kids they are smart, handsome, etc. and the other one gets jealous. Like, just stop. Just because one is praised at a particular moment in time doesn't mean insult to the other.
I do hear white men talk about women in general...they may not mention race, because they are talking about white women the same way "all lives matter" means white. I have also heard dudes that were italian talk about italian women, asian men talk about asian women, irish men talk about irish women. Everybody does it. It comes off as a specific black male problem the way SOME black women portray it. And on the flip side i've heard black women say bad stuff about black men. And honestly, it's just venting in my opinion. It's expected and some times it is a round about way of getting things off your chest. I mean, if some dude's girl cheats on him and he calls her a "h0e"...is he talking about all black women? If a black man cheats on a black woman and she calls black men dogs in that moments can she just be venting and it not be some declaration of war?
And, the "i like nerdy guys" thing...is extremely new in the black community. I'm 35 I know this wasn't a thing until maybe as recently as like 5 years ago. This wasn't a thing for the longest. LOL. And I know of the dudes alot of black women have chosen based on what i see and the fact that the vast majority of my female family members are single mothers all from the same type of thugged out bum dudes. Black for the most part aren't picking mr. stability, they are picking mr. excitement.
At the risk of being roundly criticized and laughed at...I think Salt n Pepa was rapping about nerdy guys back in the early 90s. Specifically in songs like Shoop and Whatta Man.
Go ahead and laugh at me.
I, for one, think music can be a good clue into different cultures. JMH (and probably stupid) O.
makes them feel better and shift the blame to black men, it's just stereotypical nonsense passed off from white women to black women since alot of black women wish they had the priveldge white women have.
Having the ability to control a man (black males only) with only actions and thoughts, black women want in.
The fact I can get locked up over a white girl saying I did something to her even though I didn't it's a good chance I will be in court for months fighting for my rights, black women see that and want a piece of the feminist power.
Which is why it's constant a babble and whine and complain about black men from black women see janel monae who is a lesbian speaking on straight black women issues about withholding sex from black men.
Someone find me the white women who's saying something that bold to white males and show me her career going UP UP and AWAY!!!!!
I'm friends with a black man from high school. He's very vocal about male black issues in America. He is very intelligent and persuasive with his arguments and he's a really nice guy.
Then...
You visit his Facebook page. And my God. The amount of misogynistic, foul posts this man puts up regarding women is mind boggling. Whether its bagging on welfare queens, THOTs, black women who date low quality black men, single moms, etc. he must post 25 times a day. He also constantly posts about women's asses and makes WCW a daily thing. He just seems very misogynistic which, in my opinion, is such a contradiction to his intelligence and charisma.
I wouldn't completely dismiss blue collar guys if I were you. Some of them make more money than folks with PhD.
I was going to speak to this point as well.
I am in a creative, liberal arts field. I know quite a few other women in this field as well, ages ranging from early 20s to mid 70s. The VAST majority of these women - including myself - are married to blue collar men. I find it fascinating and I wonder what the catalyst is to these relationship dynamics.
I think people who reject partners because they are blue collar are really missing out on a lot of good, stable men who are loyal, intelligent, hard working and have morals. A college degree does not a good person make.
Ok, that explains a lot. But if you ever have daughters, you will more than likely have a different opinion about them lowering their standards.
Lowering their standards?
Of the couples I mentioned in the foregoing post, most of them are quite comfortable financially speaking. Not only that, but they have good, strong relationships and really get along well.
Perhaps some people should start judging men based on their behavior and morals instead of their degree and bank accounts.
Also, this fascination with men's bank accounts as it relates to mating is not a universal standard. I read this book last year:
She discusses the idea of dependency in American relationships - parent/child; man/woman; worker/employer; citizen/government - and how Finland differs. One of the most eye opening chapters centered on the relationships between men and women. Finnish women are quite a bit more independent than American women. For example, Finnish tax structure does not reward marriage. ALL are taxed individually. Another thing is that women are expected and encouraged to forge their own way in life via their careers. They don't need to "marry up" in order to establish a firm, stable place in society. So, when Finnish women are looking for a mate, they look towards things like friendship, compatibility, etc. rather than a man's resume or bank account.
I wonder if our divorce rates would diminish if we started teaching young girls this way of life and thinking? I can't imagine solid marriages that last being predicated upon one's fascination with their partner's bank account and financial assets.
I'm friends with a black man from high school. He's very vocal about male black issues in America. He is very intelligent and persuasive with his arguments and he's a really nice guy.
Then...
You visit his Facebook page. And my God. The amount of misogynistic, foul posts this man puts up regarding women is mind boggling. Whether its bagging on welfare queens, THOTs, black women who date low quality black men, single moms, etc. he must post 25 times a day. He also constantly posts about women's asses and makes WCW a daily thing. He just seems very misogynistic which, in my opinion, is such a contradiction to his intelligence and charisma.
That's incredibly sad. I'll admit that I've had frustrations with BW however I'd never allow that to cause me to completely write them off. I take issue with any woman who dates a man who isn't worth saying hello to. Too often, women (of all races) select men (again of all races) who they know aren't worth ****. Regarding welfare queens, as someone who works in this line of work, I can tell you it ain't just black women, relying on assistance.
I am finding this thread to be very educational and interesting and I really don't want to interject my opinions because I feel this thread is for black people to discuss issues unique to them.
But I did want to say, I find your post quite interesting and enlightening. I'm surprised black women blame black men for beauty standards and familial issues such as marriage and child rearing.
Men determine what is beautiful for the women of their same group.
Please explain black women blaming black men for marriage and child rearing issues. That is not what is being stated in this thread.
Men determine what is beautiful for the women of their same group.
Please explain black women blaming black men for marriage and child rearing issues. That is not what is being stated in this thread.
Let's talk.
My response was to this post, so you'll have to ask this poster that question:
Quote:
Originally Posted by itshim
What I think happens more often than people are willing to admit is that these issues specific to black women tend to be laid on the doorstep of Black Men as the central point of the problems that they harbor.
Have hair issues? Point to Black Men
Have color issues? Point to Black Men
Have marriage problems? Point to Black men
You're a single Mom? Point Black Men
It's inherently divisive and will force people to align with their sides of their gender.
Sometimes I think many black men think of themselves as the weaker sex and go over board to compensate. How many times in TV and film has the stereotypical, "big, black, sassy, woman," taken charge of things when there was no black male figure present. Omarosa is decidedly the stronger of the two black people in Trump's inner circle.
I remember when I was young a white women was trying to set me up with her white girl friend. She insinuated that they, (white women who date black men) accepted the imperfections in black men. It made me think they thought of me as dog you would adopt from a shelter, accepting whatever baggage comes with his unique experience, LOL. Maybe that's why some black men go to white women, their standards maybe different.
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