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For those that haven't figured it out, there is nothing that is going to convince me that everyone is exactly the same and everyone should wait until they're 30 to have children and everyone should have a college education and everyone should wait to see if their marriage is going to "stick".
Exactly. I was raised to believe that marriage is "for better or for worse," and to last a lifetime. I knew what I was getting into when I was 20 and said "I do." If children were not raised to think that "finding yourself" is acceptable into your 20s when you are married with kids, then we would not be having this problem of about half of marriages ending in divorce. Abuse and infidelity? I can see that causing a divorce. But "it not being what I expected" or "we argue over money," and the like... I suppose if you are that flippant, then no, you should not have kids!
LOL, so we just ignore the research that says younger parents are less likely to be financially secure, less likely to be educated, more likely to be abuseive/neglectful and more likely to put their kids through a divorce becasue....um...we don't like it????? Sorry, but for many reasons, waiting is a good thing. That some don't want to wait doesn't change that it's best to wait. Of course you're not required to do what is best for your kids. It's your choice. They just have to live with it.
How about some research to go with that denial?
The Impact of Delayed Parenting on Child Outcomes: Linear Relationship Between Maternal Age and Externalizing Problems (http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_apa_research_citation/0/2/0/7/7/p20772_index.html - broken link)
"Using data from a nationally representative longitudinal panel study of parent child dyads. This study examines the relationship between maternal age and child outcomes. The model looks at parental social capital at time one and uses panel data to follow the parent child dyads at time two, when child outcomes are measured in terms of externalizing problems. Panel analyses reveal that there is a negative linear relationship between the age of the mother at the time of the birth of the child and the level of problems reported. The results show that there is a beneficial effect on child outcomes when parents are older."
Maternal education is an oldie so I won't dig up research on that unless someone really has to see it in print that educated mothers make better mothers.
Ditto for socioeconomic status which is also impacted by parental age and education.
And then there's that pesky divorce rate which peaks at about 7 years of marriage and then starts to decline. Yeah, divorce is so good for kids, let's have 'um young to we can have the maximum number of kids put through a divorce
Do you people really think it's best to have children young before you're mature, established and eduated? Don't underestimate the impact of figuring out who you are before you breed.
Here's another one:
"
The relationships between maternal age (at birth) and educational and psychosocial outcomes at age 18 were examined in a birth cohort of 1025 New Zealand children. This analysis indicated the presence of consistent tendencies for increasing maternal age to be associated with declining risks of educational underachievement, juvenile crime, substance misuse, and mental health problems. Children with teenage mothers had risks of later adverse outcomes that were 1.5 to 8.9 times higher than the risks for offspring of mothers aged over 30. Subsequent analyses revealed that the associations between maternal age and later educational and psychosocial outcomes were largely, but not wholly, explained by associations between maternal age and the child-rearing practices and home environments experienced by children. In general, increasing maternal age tended to be associated with more nurturant, supportive, and stable home environments. In turn, these linkages between maternal and childhood environment explained most of the association between maternal age and later outcomes. The theoretical and applied implications of these results are considered."
For those that haven't figured it out, there is nothing that is going to convince me that everyone is exactly the same and everyone should wait until they're 30 to have children and everyone should have a college education and everyone should wait to see if their marriage is going to "stick".
I read this as a challenge, Parker. I'm going to keep talking and talking and talking until you come to see things exactly how I see them, the only RIGHT way to see them. There ought to be a law against people who have audacity to have children before 30.
OK IT so since you say it's best to wait to have children, what age would be "fit" to give birth to a child, because from reading your posts, you are implying that if you are under 30 you should not have children because supposedly you are not mature enough, or financially stable enough which is hogwash IMO
OK IT so since you say it's best to wait to have children, what age would be "fit" to give birth to a child, because from reading your posts, you are implying that if you are under 30 you should not have children because supposedly you are not mature enough, or financially stable enough which is hogwash IMO
Please. Don't engage her.
Seriously IT, none of this is "educated". In fact, it is childish, antagonistic and a very poor representation of educated parents in general. If I were you, I'd call my alma mater and get a refund. You have made this entire tirade about you and convincing you, and you are just not that important.
Maybe you can start your own thread and defecate on it about what you believe, hijack it, repeat yourself ad nauseum and be the star of the show there. Or get back to the original topic here.
I am convinced that she is trying to convince herself.
I love when debates degenerate into statements like this. Like you have any idea. Can't counter what I say so quetion my motives to cover the fact you can't counter what I say. I don't need convincing. I was convinced long ago and enough to act on my beliefs. You don't put feet to beliefs like this unless you are convinced. I knew I wanted kids at 10. I waited until 38 because I needed convincing that older, wiser, more stable, better educated and settled parents are better??? That makes, absolutely, no sense given the biggest risk I took was never being able to have children because I waited. No, I waited because I knew all along what was right. People who need convincing don't act on what they don't believe.
I do have to admit I like reading research that now shows what I knew all along was right though. It's just cool knowing that research now supports what you've been saying all along. That kids do better when parents are more mature, stable and ready for them. It's really common sense. I find it strange that anyone would need convincing and stranger still that people actually argue against stability, maturity and waiting until you're ready for kids are good things. I'd say to each his own but the kids pay for parents folley in this case and that is sad. Waiting to have kids is a good thing. It spares a lot of kids a lot of hurt but some people don't care about that. I feel for the kids who get burned because parents couldn't wait.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 02-08-2009 at 07:22 PM..
I give up. That doesn't mean I've changed my mind. It means this thread had become useless.
Off to find a positive, fun thread .
I agree it's useless to keep this going but I, honestly, don't get that people don't see more mature, stable and educated parents for the good thing they are. I guess the blinders are on too tight. It's really a no brainer that these are good things to bring to the table if you're committing to raising a child but the research is out there if you want to read it. I provided a couple of links a few posts back stating the benefits of older parents. I guess the researchers need convincing too . After all only people who need convincing that older parents are better parents would say any of this . Gotta love it when a "debate" sinks to questioning the motives of what a poster says rather than actually showing that what she says is wrong. If I'm wrong there should be plenty of research out there on how younger parents are better than older parents for kids to counter what I've posted.
OK IT so since you say it's best to wait to have children, what age would be "fit" to give birth to a child, because from reading your posts, you are implying that if you are under 30 you should not have children because supposedly you are not mature enough, or financially stable enough which is hogwash IMO
It's pretty easy to figure out. Old enough to have your life in order, to be stable to be in a stable relationship. I'm not talking waiting a lifetime here. Just a few years to reduce the risk of putting kids through a divorce and make sure you're in position to live up to the responsibility. The problem with 20 year olds is they think they're invincible. They think bad things won't happen to them. THEY won't get divorced, yet 40+% will. 2 out of 5 of them are wrong about their relationships. Now why would you want to have kids with the wrong person?
We're talking about children here and what's best for them not getting a pet. This is a decision that should be well thought out before acted upon. The price can be very high for the kids if mom and dad are wrong.
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I don't need convincing. I was convinced long ago and enough to act on my beliefs. You don't put feet to beliefs like this unless you are convinced. I knew I wanted kids at 10. I waited until 38 because I needed convincing that older, wiser, more stable, better educated and settled parents are better??? That makes, absolutely, no sense given the biggest risk I took was never being able to have children because I waited. No, I waited because I knew all along what was right. People who need convincing don't act on what they don't believe.
