Why are people SO obsessed with kids these days? (average, game, parents)
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Easy. Don't have time to spend with you so I'll spend cash instead.
I look foward to the swing back from over-coddled, entitled, spoiled, "time-out" brats back to civic-minded, socially responsible, community-involved kids.
Its possible but families have to stop buying the perception of safety and be part of the real world. That means, don't live in once-cornfield subdivisions where everyone is the same age and income as you. Don't pay for Gymboree when you can go to the park. Walk places even if its inconvenient. That's how community-involvement happens. You have to around other people.
I am not sure about that. We always lived in affluent parts of town, etc. But my parents (who were very quick to smack down any bad behavior) also told me (repeatedly) that we are a community, we must always donate to charity, we must all help each other at every opportunity, and that a life spent helping people is the most fulfilling of all.
This is a really difficult topic to explore. I don't think any one thing can be the reason that kids seem more coddled nowadays. First of all, I think that there have been kids all along who were overly coddled-we weren't as concern or aware. Every adult, no matter what age, can think of the kid at school who had all the cool toys, the nice clothes, the best birthday parties, etc. There were always over-protective parents and overly-permissive parents. I think back then, people just went about with their lives and people weren't so concerned with how others were running their families. Now, it has reached a nationwide obsession. People are either obsessed that the mom isn't working enough and "throwing her education away" or obsessed that the mom is working too much "and she never sees her kids". People are obsessed about how you school your kids-many debates about homeschooling vs public schooling vs private and then there are the different educational theories...do you do Waldorf or Montesorri...it never ends! Then it's the extra-curriculars- "are you starting soccer this year? What about piano? Is your child reading 20 minutes a day?" I am a mom of 2 young kids and I know first hand, people are constantly asking about these things. Parents are very judgmental of each other so it causes everyone to focus even more on the kids so the parents can feel accepted. Back in the day, there might have been a kid in class who was naughty all the time. Other parents knew about and just thought, "glad it's not my problem". Now, parents gossip about it, talk to the principal about, talk to the naughty kid's parents about it, speculate about what went wrong-it never ends. You're right, the whole thing is exhausting.
I am not sure about that. We always lived in affluent parts of town, etc. But my parents (who were very quick to smack down any bad behavior) also told me (repeatedly) that we are a community, we must always donate to charity, we must all help each other at every opportunity, and that a life spent helping people is the most fulfilling of all.
Wow...and from Republicans, no less.
I may be mixing a couple differnt agendas, here.
So what do you think needs to happen?
But back to the family unit. Back in the day day care was nearly unheard of, but today both parents have to run run run, go go go a thousand miles per hour just to keep their heads above water. And quite frankly I think that any more kids take a back seat to mom and dad making money to buy cool ***** - In other words, the parents are so busy making money to pay off their subdivision house and live the cellophane lifestyle that kids just kind of go the wayside. to quote "What was a family, is now a shell - we're raising kids now, that raise themselves"
It's not always a case of wanting to buy "cool s---" but rather, as you said yourself, trying to keep one's head above water. I live in one of the most expensive metros in the country (San Francisco), and you literally have no choice... both parents MUST work to have a comfortable life, unless one makes upwards of $150K alone. My sister is an attorney (works in PR) and her husband is a sales manager for a dot-com, and they probably make a combined income of just under $200K - and my sister could only afford 5 months of maternity leave, or they wouldn't have made the mortgage. And they don't live in a mansion or anything, just a 3-bedroom rancher that cost a million bucks.
So they do have to use daycare (and grandparents) for my niece, who's just about to turn one, and it's not because they want cool stuff... it's because they want a house in a decent neighborhood, where they can feel safe raising their child. That's a hard reality in this area, and many other cities around the world. But I think my niece is doing just fine, and is actually "socially advanced" compared to her peers with SAHMs. She's even learning a second language from daycare, since the caretakers are Venezuelan. But back to the original topic, I agree that children are getting more and more spoiled, which I do believe is connected to the kid-centered society we have today. Maybe it also has something to do with working parent guilt??
Oh, and here's one major pet-peeve of mine from recent years... letting kids watch movies/DVDs in the car. WTH??? What ever happened to making children behave and entertain themselves, or talk with their family members? My friend with 4 kids said "you try driving 4 kids around without that to keep them busy," and my response was that my mother managed to raise 3 kids without a car DVD player - complete with a few long road trips. She conceded on that one, and admitted that parents today are wimpier.
I am not sure about that. We always lived in affluent parts of town, etc. But my parents (who were very quick to smack down any bad behavior) also told me (repeatedly) that we are a community, we must always donate to charity, we must all help each other at every opportunity, and that a life spent helping people is the most fulfilling of all.
Wow...and from Republicans, no less.
LOL. I also grew up in an affluent neighborhood, albeit a Democrat-centered one, and charity was a HUGE thing to us... my family & class devoted many hours to charitable work, not just giving money, but our time as well. My parents may have been more focused on this than others, although my school also stressed the importance of giving. So I agree with you in disagreeing with the comment above.
And while my father was a typical workaholic businessman, he made sure the weekends were 99% family time - usually he spent the day with my brother on Saturday, and had some girls-time on Sunday. Maybe this has to do with the fact that he grew up poor, but he NEVER used money to buy our love... in fact, I didn't even know we were "wealthy" until I started hanging out with more normal kids. So let's try not to make such broad generalizations, since all families are unique. Would people like me to start throwing out stereotypes about working-class families?
You seem to be saying both that 1) parents are too busy these days to pay attention to their kids, and 2) that kids today are too spoiled. How do these fit together?
Because instead of trying to be a family, parents just buy their kids some crap at wal mart and the new game system on christmas. i didn't mean spoiled like they get too much attention, I meant more like they think they're a Hilton....
It's not always a case of wanting to buy "cool s---" but rather, as you said yourself, trying to keep one's head above water. I live in one of the most expensive metros in the country (San Francisco), and you literally have no choice... both parents MUST work to have a comfortable life, unless one makes upwards of $150K alone. My sister is an attorney (works in PR) and her husband is a sales manager for a dot-com, and they probably make a combined income of just under $200K - and my sister could only afford 5 months of maternity leave, or they wouldn't have made the mortgage. And they don't live in a mansion or anything, just a 3-bedroom rancher that cost a million bucks.
So they do have to use daycare (and grandparents) for my niece, who's just about to turn one, and it's not because they want cool stuff... it's because they want a house in a decent neighborhood, where they can feel safe raising their child. It's a sacrifice, but they're REALLY good about spending as much time as possible with her outside of work. That's just reality in this area, and many other cities around the world... but I think my niece is doing just fine, and is actually "socially advanced" compared to her peers with SAHMs. She's even learning a second language from daycare, since the caretakers are Venezuelan. But back to the original topic, I agree that children are getting more and more spoiled, which I do believe is connected to the kid-centered society we have today. Maybe it also has something to do with working parent guilt??
Oh, and here's one major pet-peeve of mine from recent years... letting kids watch movies/DVDs in the car. WTH??? What ever happened to making children behave and entertain themselves, or talk with their family members? My friend with 4 kids said "you try driving 4 kids around without that to keep them busy," and my response was that my mother managed to raise 3 kids without a car DVD player - complete with a few long road trips. She conceded on that one, and admitted that parents today are wimpier.
Oh god I know what you mean with DVD's, it's almost like TV is the baby sitter. It really irks me to see that because the kid loses all incentive to entertain themselves - they require some source of outside input at all times
I can agree that many busy parents really are just out to make a living that can keep them above water. But by and far it almost seems to be the American syndrome to work just to spend it all at wal mart. There are a great many that DO want to live much out of their means just to look good. That is the shallowness that I condemn, not both parents working to make a living. I do however condemn a system that leaves both parents with no choice other than trailer park or daycare.
I do agree this started with the Boomers. Lord knows what the "Gen Entitlement" will bring.
I have been guilty of buying into the BS of feeling bad if my kids didn't have the "cool" things and I can't always afford it. But I feel bad not getting it for them. The older ones now thank me because they know the value of a buck. They have many friends who are still struggling because mom and dad did everything for them for years!
I try to stick to the concept that I will buy them what they need and they will work towards what they want. Sometimes I do feel bad making them pay for the show, when they go with their friends, but that is what the allowance is for. If she chooses to get her nails done-there it goes. They need to learn the consequences of the choices that they make. To learn to live within their means. If they choose this, they may have to give up that.
I don't know about everyone else, but I grew up in a very loving, warm, and supportive environment. My parents were happily married. My father was the breadwinner, and my mother was a homemaker. When I look back at my childhood, (growing up in the 70's and early 80's), I get the "warm fuzzies."
It is because of my childhood, that I am a confident, self assured and loving parent. What was the secret to my childhood? There are three little words that described what my parents did with me and my siblings..
THEY PAID ATTENTION!!
PARENTS NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR KIDS!!
I know I do, do you?
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But back to the original topic, I agree that children are getting more and more spoiled, which I do believe is connected to the kid-centered society we have today. Maybe it also has something to do with working parent guilt??
I also grew up in an affluent neighborhood, albeit a Democrat-centered one, and charity was a HUGE thing to us... my family & class devoted many hours to charitable work, not just giving money, but our time as well. My parents may have been more focused on this than others, although my school also stressed the importance of giving. So I agree with you in disagreeing with the comment above.
