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Just because you didn't like what she said doesn’t mean it's not a valid reason why she chose not to have children. If she knew she didn't want to chance getting a special needs child so she made the decision not to have children at all doesn't give anyone the right to shame her or anyone else. I'm thankful that she realized her limitations and didn't have a child. Many many woman choose to end a pregnancy for a variety of reasons. Not our place to shame or judge them. I thank God that I have never been in a position where I felt that ending a pregnancy would be a consideration.
No, I don't agree with you. Talking about that on a parenting board is tacky when some parents here have special needs children. Would it be okay for me to go to the "Childfree by Choice" boards and tell those people that they are selfish for not wanting kids, missing out, living an incomplete life?
When my aunt was pregnant over 20 years ago with one of my cousins, she almost terminated the pregnancy. She was married and this was their third child. During one of her doctor's visits, some things came back abnormal so she was sent for a series of genetic tests including amniocentesis which had an incredibly high risk of ending the pregnancy. Both my aunt and uncle decided that if the tests came back and said there were birth defects, then they would terminate. The risk for Downs was very high and they also said they would terminate if the baby had Downs.
They already had 2 young children and didn't feel that they could handle a child with disabilities. They also knew they couldn't afford it. Not everyone can handle a child with disabilities. Terminating the pregnancy sure beats drowning the toddler in a car in a lake or bathtub or leaving them in a car on purpose when it's 90 degrees out. We've seen the news stories about mothers and fathers who kill their own children.
To be fair, the difference is your aunt already was a parent so wasn't just venting to strangers about a purely hypothetical situation...an extremely sensitive and personal one on top of that.
I would also like to believe that there are recognizable options between terminating the pregnancy and drowning a kid in a lake. For what it's worth too the stories I have seen about parents killing their kids (pains be just to think about it) don't involve children with developmental issues.
Whether or not to settle down and have kids was not a major discussion point while I was growing up, not for me nor (if my memory serves correctly) to my social circle. It just wasn't. Neither was a zealous childfree advocacy. Maybe I was fortunate, or just really different
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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Better that they don't do something that they don't feel they can handle rather than doing something because society (and parents) feel that getting married and having kids is the social 'Norm'.
Stepson does not want kids. He has stated that before he even graduated High School. His choice and honestly, he knows what he wants and that is a good thing. He still feels that way and his girl friend of 3 years feels the same about having kids.
His decision and we do not try to change his mind. His life, they love traveling too. Could be he knows he would lose that freedom by having kids. Kids do tend to slow down the adventurous type.
To be fair, the difference is your aunt already was a parent so wasn't just venting to strangers about a purely hypothetical situation...an extremely sensitive and personal one on top of that.
I would also like to believe that there are recognizable options between terminating the pregnancy and drowning a kid in a lake. For what it's worth too the stories I have seen about parents killing their kids (pains be just to think about it) don't involve children with developmental issues.
She would have terminated any pregnancy with birth defects whether or not she had zero children or 100 children. She's not someone who ever wanted to care for someone who was sickly or needy. She wasn't the greatest mother in the world either. She was very rough around the edges. Sadly, I grew up waiting for the day to hear she really hurt one of the kids. She would beat the crap out of them. One of them she liked to hit with a solid wooden door.
There have been parents who have killed children with birth defects. Not all of the children we see on the news have been healthy. I don't know what drives them to do this, but I wouldn't want to be in their shoes understanding where they're coming from either.
No, I don't agree with you. Talking about that on a parenting board is tacky when some parents here have special needs children. Would it be okay for me to go to the "Childfree by Choice" boards and tell those people that they are selfish for not wanting kids, missing out, living an incomplete life?
Whyever not? You think childfree adults have never heard that before? It wouldn't bother me but it would make you look sort of ignorant, so don't do that to yourself.
Anyway, I think we've established that talking about aborting a special needs child on a parenting board being tacky is just YOUR opinion. Great -so you've said, many times. Now let it go. Other people don't think the same. Accept that, get over it, and move on.
By the same token, if you don't like childfree adults posting on a parenting board, you better never post on parenting board comprised of special needs parents. Because if you don't have a special needs child, according to your logic, you don't know anything about them to post about. Wouldn't you agree to that?
No, I don't agree with you. Talking about that on a parenting board is tacky when some parents here have special needs children. Would it be okay for me to go to the "Childfree by Choice" boards and tell those people that they are selfish for not wanting kids, missing out, living an incomplete life?
OK I respect your opinion even if I don't agree with it. No point in continuing to go back and forth when we clearly will never agree with each other. Have a nice evening.
By the same token, if you don't like childfree adults posting on a parenting board, you better never post on parenting board comprised of special needs parents. Because if you don't have a special needs child, according to your logic, you don't know anything about them to post about. Wouldn't you agree to that?
I have twins that receive special services from the state for language delay. I also have an older child that's been formally diagnosed with ADHD. I could post all day long on one of those boards. Is there one here on CD?
I never said they couldn't make their comments, did I? Nope. Even though this is actually, um, you know, a parenting board for, you know...parents.
But I am free to disagree with them or respond back, even if you don't like it.
No. That is your opinion, It is certainly about parenting but for you to stretch that to it being only for parents is your mistake. Certainly anyone who has ever been a child may have worthwhile input to contribute about parenting. Other relatives, neighbors, educators, etc. may as well.
The childfree are typically all over this parenting forum. We get their perspective on everything, totally. You wanna keep going? I'm game.
I am childfree and I read threads on this forum related to choosing to have children or not, which is relevant. I would never take part in anything else, having no experience or interest. If the subject is relevant, I'm in. I think PV's ire is too broad or something.
I come out as CF because I want to encourage the lurkers who think they're "supposed to have kids" or who are wrestling with their lack of interest in having them. There is little support and a lot of stigma, at least for woman, for sure. It is like "coming out."
I always thank the forum for having me take part. I will continue to do so.
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