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If both your kids (male & female) were in their mid thirties and did not want to get married or have kids, would you think that was unusual as a parent? Would you assume it was something you did that made them chose that path?
Mid-thirties isn't middle aged. That is the adult category. I'd say up to age 35 is young adult.
If they live to 100, they approach middle age only after age 45.
And yes...I'd say not wanting kids has something to do with their childhood. That may not be a bad thing. But everything about us has SOMETHING to do with our childhoods.
My first thought is that they didn't have many material things growing up, so want to have careers and spend whatever they make on themselves, and fulfill some of the dreams they have that weren't possible when they were kids. But it could also be related to thoughts of divorce, the cost of having kids nowadays, for the female - what it does to the body and to her career.
I've known a few people who didn't want kids. It's possible they'll change their minds, but I'd believe them. One man ended up divorcing his wife after she quit taking bc & got preggers and had twins, of all things....after he made it clear he did not want kids. A female friend of mine just didn't want to be tied down with kids. She didn't have those feelings and didn't need them. (Her H divorced her and married someone else & did have kids, altho he went along with my friend's not wanting kids, at that time.)
On a personal level, choosing not to marry or have children can be perfectly rational, logical, and sensible. But on a societal level, it is disastrous. When families don't get formed, the long-term health of the society declines and crumbles, and eventually collapses altogether.
Seems like most of the affluent countries of the world are spiraling downward, with birth rates plummeting and family creation waning. So while the folks who are alive today make their choices to live their own lives and not get "tied down" or "burdened," the future fails to be planted.
I don't think we have to worry about a lack of kids in the country or world. The population is still increasing at a rapid rate. It has always been the case that poor people have bigger families; they have less access to birth control and abortion, and in the old days it was a plus, since they were more likely to have some of their children die in childhood.
I know of 2 families. There were 3 kids in each family. None of those kids got married and they all are now in their 60s.
In family A, the kids grew up in a well to do family. The father had a very well paying job that took him on the road quite a lot. The mother held a good paying full-time job and was basically the one who raised them all. One of the kids was my college roommate. She was cute and vivacious so lots of guys would ask her out. She would go on one date and tell me after it was over, "He doesn't turn me on." It also would shock her when she would have a good conversations with a guy and as a result, he would ask her out. She would tell me, "I just see him as a friend." When I met her, she did have a boyfriend. During summer break, the boyfriend just stopped talking to her. She wasn't phased---just shrugged it off. One time she broke up with a guy because she had a dream that he was squeezing her to death.
She also was extremely attached to her mother. When she had summer jobs, she gave all her money to her mother. She was afraid to ask her mother for simple favors. As the years passed, she didn't date much. When her father died, her mother moved in with her and stayed until her (mother's death).
She had 2 brothers, one older, one younger. Both, like my former roommate, all had successful careers but never married. As adults, they all took vacations together and brought along their mother.
My feeling was that their mother somehow managed to screw them all up. Yet the interesting thing was that their mother, when I talked to her, she would say that she expected them to marry at some point.
Family B also had 3 kids who never married. I was a co-worker with one of the kids and also friended her sister. They came from a dysfunctional family. While my co-worker did date from time to time, her sister never dated at all. I'm not sure about their brother other than he never married either.
In other families, when there are 2 or more kids, sometimes there will be one who never marries or one who marries but doesn't have kids. I think that's not unusual to see that happening. It's the families where no one wants to marry which seem, IMO, to have one wondering...
I chose not to have kids because my mother was so obviously unhappy, and I didn't want to wind up like that. I'm happy!
My brother chose not to have kids because he thought there were enough to go around already.
My sister wanted kids, but could never find the right man.
My other 3 brothers all had kids; a total of 8 between them. Enough for the whole family!
So even within the same family, people have different goals and opinions. If you wanted grandkids, you should have had more children!
And did you call your 30-somethings "middle aged"? that's jumping the gun!
Per the bolded --- If you see my post above, you will see that having more than one kid doesn't guarantee that the parents will become grandparents.
I have no great desire to see them settle down and start families. I just can't pinpoint what caused the difference in attitude
towards marriage from my generation to theirs.
Speaking as a woman, I have to ask, what does a woman get out of marriage? Women have more opportunities now. They are educated. They are making more money. They don't need to get married.
Seriously, how does it benefit a woman? Companionship? Maybe, but you can get that without being married.
Speaking as a woman, I have to ask, what does a woman get out of marriage? Women have more opportunities now. They are educated. They are making more money. They don't need to get married.
Seriously, how does it benefit a woman? Companionship? Maybe, but you can get that without being married.
The same thing a man gets, to spend your life with the person who you love and want to build a life with, to grow old with your best friend, to support each other when times are bad, to celebrate with each other when times are good etc. You are absolutely correct that you can do those things without being married but it’s not the same. My husband and I lived together for several years before we got married and we have now been married for 31 years, living together or dating is nothing like being married. I don’t need to be married I’m perfectly capable emotionally, physically and financially of taking care of myself, I chose to get married. That being said I don’t think someone needs to be married to have a fulfilling life.
Speaking as a woman, I have to ask, what does a woman get out of marriage? Women have more opportunities now. They are educated. They are making more money. They don't need to get married.
Seriously, how does it benefit a woman? Companionship? Maybe, but you can get that without being married.
What you say is likely true for young adults today. I'm a generation above, and for me, I will benefit by both my husband's SS and his pension, neither of which I'd be entitled to if we didn't marry, and both which are higher than what I've accumulated during my pre-children working years.
I do think there is a security factor in marriage. And, I do think that security is more important to couples who opt for children. But the majority of first weddings still have a good success rate, and that rate is higher when the couple is well educated and on fairly equal financial footing, whether or not children are involved.
So, why not make the legal commitment to each other?
I think the trends are people are deciding they would not want to be burdened financially and time wise by having children. I also think many have come from divorced families and see what an absolute mess that creates for kids and would never want something like that to be experienced by their own kids.
It is most likely smart for people to not have kids if not ready both emotionally and financially because the world certainly does not need any more unwanted children.
If you're referencing the beginning of that movie, the reality is the middle class feels the greatest pressure toward raising a family. "Idiots" (I don't believe the poor are uniformly unintelligent) and the wealthy are having children. Unlike the wealthy and the poor, a middle class household can get knocked into poverty because of one bad decision or unfortunate event (that they made, or that the government or banks/corporations made). The future is more likely to be a society of mass inequality, than idiots led by idiots.
If both your kids (male & female) were in their mid thirties and did not want to get married or have kids, would you think that was unusual as a parent? Would you assume it was something you did that made them chose that path?
I don't find anything unusual with the Millennials (Or Gen X Gen Y or Gen Z --whatever they are)anymore.
Hell, if they married a roster, I wouldn't be surprised
Nothing surprises me and whatever they do is their business!
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