Middle aged kids choosing not to get married or have kids (SAHM, snacks)
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I agree, you are way too invested in this situation. If your friend wanted to change her life, she could. For example, if the big issue is having babies, then she should quietly go to her ob/gyn and get semi-permanent birth control, such as a copper IUD. "Gee, I don't know why I can't seem to get pregnant any more."
The fact is, she doesn't really want anything to change, she doesn't really want your life either, she just wants someone to b*tch to.
By the way, when someone is described as a "baby factory" with a "pile of kids," it's a bit of a letdown to find out she only has four kids. I mean, that's a little bigger than the average family, but it's hardly Duggar-worthy.
These aren't conversations form last week. They've been over 15 years. She's my sister-in-law. I've told her to try birth control, but it falls on deaf ears. She's very religious and belongs to a cult like church. Never said she was like a Duggar. She calls herself a baby factory.
She's my sister-in-law! I didn't ask her about her financial status. Where did I say she was horrible? She's jealous of me having a career - something she never did.
If that makes you feel better to believe that she (and other SAHMs) are jealous of you, then go ahead and think that. Eh, whatever.
We have strayed away from the original topic but I might as well add my two cents. I know someone in the same situation, she worries about what will happen to her and the kids if something should happen to her husband. She has no work history and is completely dependent on him. He controls the home. They don’t use birth control so they will probably have more children. I don’t understand in 2017 how a woman allows herself to get in that position. She shares her concerns with all of the mothers in the neighborhood. She expresses her unhappiness but hasn’t done anything as of yet to change her circumstances. To each their own but it’s not for me.
And I think this is why so many women today aren't getting married or are getting married much later in life. They want time to build a career and be able to take care of themselves. Many of them were raised in families of divorce and lived through huge life changes.
I've watched many women try to get a job after the kids grow up and many struggle to find a decent job that can actually pay bills. Most have had to settle for retail, waitressing, bank teller, etc....nothing that pays well.
These aren't conversations form last week. They've been over 15 years. She's my sister-in-law. I've told her to try birth control, but it falls on deaf ears. She's very religious and belongs to a cult like church. Never said she was like a Duggar. She calls herself a baby factory.
I reiterate: If someone continually complains about their miserable situation, but refuses to take any advice or make any changes, (especially over a period of 15 YEARS! Good grief), they do not really want anything to change. They just like complaining.
I've watched many women try to get a job after the kids grow up and many struggle to find a decent job that can actually pay bills. Most have had to settle for retail, waitressing, bank teller, etc....nothing that pays well.
And I've seen many single women with no kids, who also faced financial struggles and wound up in those waitress jobs you're talking about. One of them is homeless now. Just as a marriage can be unstable, an employer can let you go at any time. Anyone can wind up in these situations. In fact, it's probably worse for women without kids as they are less likely to get help from shelters and charities. A lot of people went through long term unemployment during the Great Recession from 2007-2014 and their career is dead in the water now.
And I think this is why so many women today aren't getting married or are getting married much later in life. They want time to build a career and be able to take care of themselves. Many of them were raised in families of divorce and lived through huge life changes.
I've watched many women try to get a job after the kids grow up and many struggle to find a decent job that can actually pay bills. Most have had to settle for retail, waitressing, bank teller, etc....nothing that pays well.
Marriages are partnerships, or at least they should be. My husband doesn't take care of me. We both work to take care of our family. There are many women who choose to stay home, but that is an arrangement between both parties.
I have twins that receive special services from the state for language delay. I also have an older child that's been formally diagnosed with ADHD. I could post all day long on one of those boards. Is there one here on CD?
Um, isn't that kind of a stretch to be comparing children with language delay and ADHD to a child of Down Syndrome? I mean, I have Asperger Syndrome, and in no way would I consider myself special needs whether I got money from the state or not to help me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
The childfree are typically all over this parenting forum. We get their perspective on everything, totally.
You ever think there may be a reason for that? Being a parent and not being a parent centers on - guess what? KIDS! The kids that are born and the kids that aren't. You can't make a board specifically about parenting and have it be about the parents only, and not the kids. And how is that possible - parents wouldn't have anything to say to one another if they couldn't mention the kids.
Now I may be childfree, but here's something else you need to know: I was also a kid with parents. And as a former kid who was raised by my parents, that gives me every right to comment on THEM and how they parented me, as well as anything else I experienced as a child of my parents, including, as I grew up, the opinions I formed on other parents and their kids, or lack thereof.
If both your kids (male & female) were in their mid thirties and did not want to get married or have kids, would you think that was unusual as a parent? Would you assume it was something you did that made them chose that path?
They are not kids anymore. They are in their mid 30's.
Your not going to tell me that they are still living at home are you?
wow when did 30's become middle-age or is it and I am just in denial? the OP said his middle age kids and people are giving example of those in their 30's. As they say 30 is the new 20 when it comes to relationship and marriage. Its is perfectly normal in todays society for early 30's someone to be not settled down yet. But by 40s (which I consider is middle age) most people settle down one way or another
The 30s are not the new 20s in terms of a woman's fertility. If women are going to have kids your 20s and 30s are really the best time. If you wait until your 40s you are probably going to have to do infertility treatments and have a higher risk of Down's Syndrome if you can have children at all.
Um, isn't that kind of a stretch to be comparing children with language delay and ADHD to a child of Down Syndrome? I mean, I have Asperger Syndrome, and in no way would I consider myself special needs whether I got money from the state or not to help me.
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Yes, my children have special needs and have been diagnosed and receive services. That's why my daughter has accommodations at her public school and a 504 plan. Because she has ADHD. My twins are two and a half and don't talk, they have language delay and receive occupational therapy and speech therapy. I never said these were the same thing as Down Syndrome. There are all types of special needs and they are all different and have different challenges. You'd know if....you were a parent of a special needs child. But you aren't a parent at all. And I'm not being cruel, I'm just stating a fact. That's not being mean, it's not a personal attack and it's not being "harsh". It's not any more harsh to tell someone they aren't a parent, than to tell them they are a parent. It's a statement of fact.
I am not going to discuss my children's issues in more depth with you as it's none of your business.
Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 10-31-2017 at 10:23 PM..
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