Step mother offered to pay for my step daughter to have a tattoo for 18th bday! (step-dad, divorced)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The child is going to be a legal adult who wants a tattoo, nothing you can do so accept the fact and move on.
No I really don't have to accept it. Like I said, she is a dependent. She intends to go to college...on my dime more than anyone else's. So just accepting any amount of BS she dishes out because she is a legal adult is not my game.
Here's a bit of advice. Take it if you will. . . .
Have her print out a picture of the tattoo she wants and have her put it on her bathroom mirror so she sees it every day. Tell her that if she looks at it, and if at the end of 30 days, if she still likes it, she can get it--but that you still don't approve. Remind her that once she gets it, it can't simply go away like the picture on the mirror. If at any time she changes what's on the mirror, the 30 days starts again.
History has shown, that a lot of people don't like it within 30 days and change the picture. Some never find one they like to look at for more than 30 days.
If she's 18, there's not really much you can do--whether you're supporting her or not--other than to cut her off and throw her out. Or, you can find out how much the tattoo cost, and permanently subtract it from the items she gets from you. Costs $100 bucks? That's $100 bucks less a month you'll give her.
Tell your step-daughter that you will match the amount that the step-mother has offered times ten and that the money goes to her new car (you keep the title). Any tattoo and you sell the car.
Sadly, you may have to "buy her off" to at least get her to wait. I agree that if she waits 3-4 years, the desire will probably be gone. Otherwise, you come off as the Big Bad Stepdad (if you even care!).
Sadly, you may have to "buy her off" to at least get her to wait. I agree that if she waits 3-4 years, the desire will probably be gone. Otherwise, you come off as the Big Bad Stepdad (if you even care!).
Unfortunately I have played that roll for the last 14 years. She has no idea how lenient I am. She wouldn't have lasted a month in the house I grew up. The kid basically has everything I didn't when I was growing up. I don't even know what I could bribe her with at this point. And that's pretty much the root of the problem.
No I really don't have to accept it. Like I said, she is a dependent. She intends to go to college...on my dime more than anyone else's. So just accepting any amount of BS she dishes out because she is a legal adult is not my game.
Please don't say 'Do as I say or I'm not paying for college etc' -It might come back to bite you in the butt.
What if she says, okay, I'll move out and do whatever I want to? Is this really an issue that you want your relationship with your daughter to turn on?
As someone mentioned before, once she is 18, she is a legal adult. She can get a tattoo without your permission and if she gets it somewhere private, you probably wouldn't even notice it until it was too late.
Talk to her about your feelings about tattoos but remember that they are just that -your feelings. Her feelings may differ and you may just have to live with that. It is her body and she can do whatever she wants to with it (if not at 18, then maybe at 21, or 25 etc..). Don't let this issue tear your relationship apart.
Last night my wife told me that our daughter's (my step daughter) step mother told her she would foot the bill for her to have a tattoo on her 18th birthday.
Small amount of background: We live in a different state and their relationship is over the Internet because she sees them all of once or twice a year. Her dad is almost not even in the relationship picture.
Opinions. GO!
I'm sure this 'suggestion' will get lots of negative replies but... it just hit me.
Have this conversation with her...
If you go ahead and get a tattoo, then you're grown up enough to live on your own.
If you get a tattoo - and it doesn't matter where you get it - I'll know about it - then, find another place to live... along with that comes the non-support of her cell phone, health insurance, car insurance, truck payment... she'll get the idea and realize it's NOT the time to get inked...
Don't be the charming person you are here. Just let her describe her plan to you. You don't have to agree to anything, but at least talk to her about it.
I am not a fan of visible tattoos on women who aren't in roller derby. But you need to understand that your immediate and stubborn reaction will probably only drive her to get one you REALLY hate.
Legal adult doesn't mean your parents opinion doesn't matter if they are still responsible for nearly every aspect of your life.
Now is the time when y'all need to start separating from her and moving some of those things you're voluntarily funding over to her purview.
It also would be a good time to treat her like a person whose opinion matters. You can't swing the daddy hammer around forever and then pitch a fit when she tries to do something on her own just because you don't like it.
So quit acting like a baby and talk to her about it.
It's a fad and generational thing mostly, most young people today have tattoos (multiple ones actually)- and I am talking about Middle class and Upper class young people....not just something for bikers and gang members like you said.
I can understand you being a bit upset about it, but she is turning eighteen, which means she is an adult (whether you take care of her or not, or even if she acts like a child) which means you are going to have to let her have more control over her own life, on personal matters. (Psychologically, it is important that she tries to stand up to you, and break away with some independence from you...doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, or that things have changed, it just means she is growing up and needs to assert her own independence.
Sounds like her Step Mother may be trying to buy into her affections.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just let her describe her plan to you. You don't have to agree to anything, but at least talk to her about it.
