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My son was making noises about getting a tattoo. I let the conversation pass a few times without saying much about it.
At one point during a general conversation, I said "Hey, remember when you were 12 - 15 and skateboarding was your favorite thing? If I had let you get a tattoo back then it would have been something to do with skateboarding, wouldn't it?" He laughed and agreed. I then said, "Well, if you are still thinking about getting a tattoo keep that in mind - what you think is cool today could very well change as you change. I'm pretty sure you would be embarrassed by a skateboarding tattoo now, so, if you do get a tattoo, make sure it's something that will stand the test of time." He still talks about getting a tat once in a while (mostly just to tease me, I think), and pretty much everyone he knows has one or more (or many!), but he still doesn't have one. He's 26.
It's worth a shot to talk about it in these terms.
JMHO, but it's not the worse thing that your kid could do. Personally, this isn't the mountain I would plant my flag on. I do agree that Step Mom is totally out of line; Bio-Mom should have Bio-Dad tell her to knock it off. Why do step-parents do this kind of thing? Never understood this (pierced ears, haircuts, etc.) Any reasonable person should know these are things that should be reserved for the bio-parents.
No I really don't have to accept it. Like I said, she is a dependent. She intends to go to college...on my dime more than anyone else's. So just accepting any amount of BS she dishes out because she is a legal adult is not my game.
Time to tell her to move out and pay her own way then because she will get the tattoo if she wants to and there is nothing you can do to stop her no matter how much you think you can.
I really like the mirror advice and the car advice (if you can afford it). However, she is an adult technically so she doesn't need your consent to paint her body.
Have her see some of the tattoo fails that are all over the web! Also, here is a story of a woman who just years later regretted it. Tattoo Regret
My kids never said they wanted a tattoo but they did want piercings (not ear which they have). Luckily in our city ALL reputable tattoo/piercing places require them to be 18 regardless of parental consent. I think it is an insurance thing.
Just keep in mind the louder you shout "NO" the more she will shout "YES!" Sometimes you have to fight the battle behind the scenes or in sneaky ways like some of the other posters have suggested.
As for the step-mom, I don't think it's inappropriate for her to offer to pay for it. Sucks having to share parenting but it happens. My ex bought my daughter a car and paid for the insurance. I wanted her to earn money for the insurance herself. What could I do?
Last night my wife told me that our daughter's (my step daughter) step mother told her she would foot the bill for her to have a tattoo on her 18th birthday.
Small amount of background: We live in a different state and their relationship is over the Internet because she sees them all of once or twice a year. Her dad is almost not even in the relationship picture.
Opinions. GO!
DADDY JONES96? this is where my Liberal mind goes out the door! Tattoos are OK just make sure she doesn't get a "tramp stamp"!
Maybe offer to pay for some of the "temporary" tatoos that can be washed off. If she finds one she likes then she might do a permanent one. She may just be testing you for your reaction and if you forbid it. . . well you may remember from your own teen years.
I told my kids that the day they got a tattoo would be the last day I provided any financial support for their education. That includes grad school. I figure that way they'll have to wait until they are at least 22 to get a tattoo. I realize that wouldn't work for some kids. But my oldest is pretty focused on a master's degree. Of course, she got all scholarships and grants for her freshman year so I'm not actually paying a dime, but she knows better than to assume that will continue!
I agree, they're awful and stupid. But i seriously doubt the step mom was being deliberately provocative. Lots of people are celebrating 18 with a tattoo.
I told my kids that the day they got a tattoo would be the last day I provided any financial support for their education. That includes grad school. I figure that way they'll have to wait until they are at least 22 to get a tattoo. I realize that wouldn't work for some kids. But my oldest is pretty focused on a master's degree. Of course, she got all scholarships and grants for her freshman year so I'm not actually paying a dime, but she knows better than to assume that will continue!
I agree, they're awful and stupid. But i seriously doubt the step mom was being deliberately provocative. Lots of people are celebrating 18 with a tattoo.
The bolded part... It's better than celebrating with a pack of cigarettes!
I'm sure this 'suggestion' will get lots of negative replies but... it just hit me.
Have this conversation with her...
If you go ahead and get a tattoo, then you're grown up enough to live on your own.
If you get a tattoo - and it doesn't matter where you get it - I'll know about it - then, find another place to live... along with that comes the non-support of her cell phone, health insurance, car insurance, truck payment... she'll get the idea and realize it's NOT the time to get inked...
Tough love.. .yeah, call it that... lol
We've told our kids since they hit their teens that piercings/tattoos (other than ears) are totally their choice - their body their choice.
HOWEVER if they want them they need to wait until they are paying all their own bills. Adult decisions are for adults to make. Since they both seem to be on track for university (with us paying) discussions about tattoos etc haven't come up.
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