Step mother offered to pay for my step daughter to have a tattoo for 18th bday! (son, insurance)
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This is America, and you and your whole tattooed family can live as you wish. But you should know that people will judge you negatively when you have tattoos, even though they are more accepted now than ever before.
At a doctor's office where I go, there is a receptionist who is over 50. You can tell that she must have been cute 30 years ago. She has tattoos peeking out of the cleavage, and on her wrists and ankles. The affect at her age is of a woman who was "rode hard and put away wet." My point is, what might seem appropriate at 20, will probably look desperately sad later.
Judging someone because they have a Tattoo says more about YOU than it does the person with the Tattoo..
This is America, and you and your whole tattooed family can live as you wish. But you should know that people will judge you negatively when you have tattoos, even though they are more accepted now than ever before.
At a doctor's office where I go, there is a receptionist who is over 50. You can tell that she must have been cute 30 years ago. She has tattoos peeking out of the cleavage, and on her wrists and ankles. The affect at her age is of a woman who was "rode hard and put away wet." My point is, what might seem appropriate at 20, will probably look desperately sad later.
Who will judge - you? Who does it look desperately sad to - you?
Let's generalize. There are people who get tattoos, and those who don't - no issue here as it's a choice. There are people who like tattoos and who don't - no issue here as it's a choice.
The problem is those people who blindly stereotype those with tattoos are what keeps society stuck in this image issue - huge problem here. The saying "don't judge a book by its cover" dates back over a century. As people continue to do this, it keeps an idiotic separation in society of those with and without tattoos. People commit crimes with and without tattoos - people are professionals (me a CPA for example) who have or don't have tattoos (I have two).
The issue is caused by those who continue to publicly berate those who have them. I wish people would learn that if they don't like something and have a choice, just be quiet and move on instead of making an issue. And with tattoos, they hurt NO ONE. They're art on a person, and that's it. They don't cause a person to be bad. And maybe because some gangs may use tattoos as a gang symbol, why does that equate to society? Crazy how people can take something and twist it so badly.
Last night my wife told me that our daughter's (my step daughter) step mother told her she would foot the bill for her to have a tattoo on her 18th birthday.
Small amount of background: We live in a different state and their relationship is over the Internet because she sees them all of once or twice a year. Her dad is almost not even in the relationship picture.
Opinions. GO!
Just tell her you are cool with it as long as it can be covered up. Then suggest she get it someplace that really hurts like the ankle.
Me personally, as long as a tattoo has meaning to the person I can respect most of them.
Tatoo of sibling that died in car crash? Cool tribute.
Lame tribal armband or Chinese symbol bought while drunk on spring break? Lame.
I'd probably just mutter something about how I'd ask her for a new cell phone or laptop etc. instead. A nice, low-impact diversion attempt.
I wanted a tattoo when I was late high school/early college. My parents made it quite clear that was not acceptable. At that time I was very much into screamy rock and punk music, and I know my mother hated my clothing choices. My main motivation was because I thought whatever I got would 'look cool'. Now here I am a few years later still no tattoos. So what happened?
Well for one, tattoos are expensive.
Two, I could never decide on something I'd be comfortable looking at for the rest of my life.
Three, I actually had a dream one night that I got a horrible tattoo on my stomach and woke up in panic.
I experimented with other types of body mods (hair color, henna tattoos, earlobe stretching) but never anything permanent. My piercings never actually close, so I learned pretty quickly not to go putting holes on my face. The people I have known who did get tattoos never got just one. For many of them, getting inked is sort of like an addiction.
The advice about sticking the image on the mirror is great, and definitely sit down and have an open-minded discussion about it with your daughter. If all else fails and she still wants one, at least make sure she books a good artist and gets it in an area that can be easily covered.
Again, this comes down to not really being able to communicate the family dynamic over the Internet.
I am dad. I have been dad for the past 14 years. I coached her soccer team, taught her to tie her shoes, taught her to ride her bike, and helped her with her Honors Pre-Calc homework. Among other things.
Biodad has been MIA since she was 18 months old. And he got married to some lady who is now poking her nose in when it is not welcome. Oh by the way, captain commitment nearly signed away his parental rights when they were doing the custody business. His mother stopped him from doing it. (That's another winner...been married 7 times and calls our daughter to talk for literally 30seconds just to say she called)
Yeah, so I've got issues with them. I have issues with people at work who show up at the end of a project and screw everything up as well!
All your posts have made 100% sense to me. Maybe folks should go back and really read what you have written. You have provided for this step daughter physically and emotionally since she was 4 yrs old. Bio Dad & Step mother have NOT been in the picture in any way, but suddenly the step mother is the hero when the child is practically grown and doesn't require anything. First of all, if the step mother was a decent person, she would have called you and the Bio mother and discussed this and gotten your feelings before proceeding with paying for tattoo.
I would stick to my guns and tell the step daughter that as long as she is living in your home that she will
obey the house rules which do not include tattoos. If she doesn't like the rules then maybe the Missing Bio Dad and stepmother will take her in and let her live as she chooses. One day, more than likely , the step daughter will be grateful to you .
I can tell that you really care and want only the best for the step daughter as you refer to her as "our daughter" , NOT stepdaughter ( you call her step daughter only when you are expressing your relationship) as ( parent) .
This would be a hard to do ( tough love) , but frankly, I admire your sticking to your principals as in this case , getting a tattoo at this age could prove detrimental later in life for this step daughter.
All your posts have made 100% sense to me. Maybe folks should go back and really read what you have written. You have provided for this step daughter physically and emotionally since she was 4 yrs old. Bio Dad & Step mother have NOT been in the picture in any way, but suddenly the step mother is the hero when the child is practically grown and doesn't require anything. First of all, if the step mother was a decent person, she would have called you and the Bio mother and discussed this and gotten your feelings before proceeding with paying for tattoo.
I would stick to my guns and tell the step daughter that as long as she is living in your home that she will
obey the house rules which do not include tattoos. If she doesn't like the rules then maybe the Missing Bio Dad and stepmother will take her in and let her live as she chooses. One day, more than likely , the step daughter will be grateful to you .
I can tell that you really care and want only the best for the step daughter as you refer to her as "our daughter" , NOT stepdaughter ( you call her step daughter only when you are expressing your relationship) as ( parent) .
This would be a hard to do ( tough love) , but frankly, I admire your sticking to your principals as in this case , getting a tattoo at this age could prove detrimental later in life for this step daughter.
She's 18, she's an adult. I don't see what the big deal is. She may or may not have been trying to get under your skin. I have 3 tattoos myself so I'm not against them
It is a big deal. Tattoos are meant to be permanent. I don't think an 18 year old really knows what they really like at that age. Tastes change/mature.
I think it is too young to decide to do something permanent to your skin.
I tell you who will judge you. The guy who doesn't want to hire you because your tats are offensive to his clientele.
Yes, but that can be said about anything really. Given that most tattoos are going to be covered up when someone works, I would dare say the risk is minimal.
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A nice, low-impact diversion attempt.
Stick to your guns...
