Defiant 5 year old (toys, parent, child, five year old)
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DH told him to go wash hands and then go sit at table to get ready for dinner. DS sat under the table ignoring DH, was told a 2nd time, still ignoring. Third time resulted in DH yelling for him to get out from underneath table and DS yelling back, "You are such a cry baby, Dad, get over it, you can't tell me what to do".
Where did he learn that from? lol Almost sounds like someone said it to him at one time & he's repeating it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aomething
I did manage to talk with son today about why he thinks he gets angry and he said it was because he missed me whenever he goes to school. He didn't make a whole lot of sense. In May, he turned 5, then "graduated" from Preschool in June and then spent the whole summer home with me. During the summer we were doing renovations on our condo to sell it, he was dropped off at family and friends houses for playdates. Maybe he's feeling upset that we didn't completely involve him in the renovations, but he was involved in the staging, cleaning, open houses. We spoke to him all summer about moving and we even have playdates setup with his friends from our old neighborhood to hopefully make him feel better.
He's only been in school 3 full days, so he hasn't made LOTS of friends but he has made a couple. Son is very friendly, outgoing, loveable and funny and will not have problems making friends, but I know he's feeling stressed, I'm just not sure what else to do.
Moving is stressful, even at 5. I'm trying to think back to when we moved to this house when my daughter was 6. Although we stayed in the same town, her school was different. She was able to keep her friends, although they weren't that close by. There were times she wanted to move back to the old house, where she could walk out the door, go across the street to her friends house, she couldn't do that here because she didn't know the kids.
From the way it sounds, you had a lot going on, which I can relate to since our house has been for sale since summer. The kids see you doing things, packing stuff up to declutter, keeping the house clean, working on the house, getting ready to put it on the market, then they see the sign when you list; and having to leave the house to show it. The house they live in is not the same house, even though it is. I know I miss my stuff lol
With your son, during the summer he was home & got a taste for being with mommy even though he was relative jumping. He was busy, got to sleep in maybe, then go spend the day with other people. To him, it was different as he didn't have to go to school. It's funny, I can leave my daughter (14) home while we run out shopping & she'll call me non stop, telling me she misses me. Funny, she can spend time in her room, not hang out with me, but the minute I leave, she misses my body being in the house.
Did he go to school in September? If so, he started in his old town, made friends, then had to move. Now he has to make friends again. For my daughter, she got to go to kindergarten the whole year, we moved in the summer, so I don't think it affected her as much. When you move during school months, instead of "fitting in" with all of the kids coming in fresh from summer break (where they may all be new) to him being the only one that doesn't have his click of friends any more. Even if he makes friends quick, he still might miss his group from the other school.
What I usually do when she is stressed out, I'll either let her stay home on a 1/2 day, or I will pick her up early, we'll go have Quiznos then go to the dentist. It gives her something to look forward to, takes a little stress off of her.
With your son, he had a lot going on "when he turned 5".. between that, graduation, being home with mom, then he had to go to school, move to a new town. I don't doubt he's been acting out.
Since he's only been in school a few days, give him some time to get used to the new school. He'll probably go back to his merry little self. Be consistent, telling him you don't like when he speaks to you that way & he'll go in time out. When he comes out of time out talk to him to see what's bothering him. Explain as well as you can that you understand he misses what ever but he can't speak to you like that.
We think he heard it from one of the neighborhood kids (parents used to yell at him for no reason, calling names). He and this child would play together on occassion. I didn't like them to play together, so I only made it for an hour at a time, then would send the kid home. I guess an hour was too much!
Any way, after his time out, and sleeping in the bottom bunk, he's better today. No school today because of the Nor'Easter hitting. It was supposed to be a 1/2 day for him anyway, so now we are home together. Been up since 7am and so far so good.
We talked this morning, and he admits that he misses me and his father when he goes to school. So, we thought we would put a picture of the 3 of us in his lunch box for him to look at during snack and then lunch. He seemed to be okay with that.
I think the move has been the hardest on him. We were also commenting that our new house doesn't feel like home yet. We haven't painted and finish putting up curtains. So, we think that as soon as we paint his room, same color as it was in old house, then put up his posters and pictures and curtains, then it will feel more like home.
Thankyou for your advise and experiences. We've met a couple of neighbors, but they don't have kids. There are two houses on the right side of us that have a total of 9 kids and we're hoping to meet them soon. They all go to private school so he wouldn't even meet them by going to school and riding the bus. But, once we go outside to shovel the driveway and stuff, hoping that they are also outside, and they will be able to play together.
About 6.7 inches so far. Gotta love New England!!! It was 60 degrees last Thursday and Friday!! Almost all the snow had melted last week!!!
Sounds like you are doing all the right things and riding the storm, well done!
I guess you know this, but remember to accentuate the positive and reward good behaviour.
By focussing on the good as much (or even more) than on the bad, he'll want more of those good feelings. When he is doing well, make sure you tell him how proud you are of him and how much you love his good behaviour and his kindness/sweetness/goodness. That will 'hug him on the inside' !!!
We think he heard it from one of the neighborhood kids (parents used to yell at him for no reason, calling names). He and this child would play together on occassion. I didn't like them to play together, so I only made it for an hour at a time, then would send the kid home. I guess an hour was too much!
Doesn't take much lol
Hopefully now that he's not near that boy he'll stop saying it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aomething
Any way, after his time out, and sleeping in the bottom bunk, he's better today. No school today because of the Nor'Easter hitting. It was supposed to be a 1/2 day for him anyway, so now we are home together. Been up since 7am and so far so good.
We talked this morning, and he admits that he misses me and his father when he goes to school. So, we thought we would put a picture of the 3 of us in his lunch box for him to look at during snack and then lunch. He seemed to be okay with that.
I think the move has been the hardest on him. We were also commenting that our new house doesn't feel like home yet. We haven't painted and finish putting up curtains. So, we think that as soon as we paint his room, same color as it was in old house, then put up his posters and pictures and curtains, then it will feel more like home.
Thankyou for your advise and experiences. We've met a couple of neighbors, but they don't have kids. There are two houses on the right side of us that have a total of 9 kids and we're hoping to meet them soon. They all go to private school so he wouldn't even meet them by going to school and riding the bus. But, once we go outside to shovel the driveway and stuff, hoping that they are also outside, and they will be able to play together.
About 6.7 inches so far. Gotta love New England!!! It was 60 degrees last Thursday and Friday!! Almost all the snow had melted last week!!!
Thankyou again
Hopefully you can focus some time on his room to make that the #1 priority. Even though you plan to paint the same color, maybe you can see if that's what he really wants. Take him to Home depot, let him "pick out" paint colors. At 14 my daughter still likes to take those little sample colors, telling me what she wants to use on her room. Once we move, the color will be within reason. Hopefully she's still not stuck on orange. For your son, it will keep him busy.
If he could use to have his bedding replaced, it makes a nice birthday thing. With my daughter, we've done this right before her birthday, which has worked out well to get rid of the "kid" stuff and make her feel more her new age. If he's getting new bedding, you can check out JC Penney kids bedding online or through the catalog. Next time you visit the store, stop at the catalog section, they have smaller kids bedding catalogs. There's also another one I get it's called kids rooms. If you're interested, I can grab the catalog (sure I still have 1) and see if they have an online site.
Letting him help you pick out bedding will give him something to do. Once we find out if we are still getting our new house, my daughters room will be a top priority. I've already promised her new bedding & a paint color she likes. She's "sort of" looking forward to that; I say sort of because for a 14 (will almost be 15 when we move) year old, she knows she's leaving friends & starting in a new school. She's excited yet sad. She's due for a new set, something more mature, so I hope this helps her settle in as she'll have the bedroom she's wanted.
If you can't get it painted within a reasonable time, try hanging his stuff on his walls anyway. Might even be a good thing to do today, plan where he'll put his stuff. Most of the paint sites have the color programs, with some you can upload photos. You might even take some of his construction paper or poster board if you have it, & draw his room out, pasting the bedding where the bed goes. I go to another forum where the ladies are very talented with photoshop. If you post a photo, they will play around with wall color & accessories, which may be fun for him too. He'll feel so special having all of these internet "strangers" helping to plan his room. If you want the link DM me.
Without his friends, right now you & your hubby are all he has, enjoy it. Soon he'll be older & not want you around. lol With boys it is different then girls. My son wasn't as kissy at 7 or 8 as my daughter still is at 14. Hopefully, if you can focus his attention on helping you in the new house, he won't have time to miss the kids so much.
We talked this morning, and he admits that he misses me and his father when he goes to school. So, we thought we would put a picture of the 3 of us in his lunch box for him to look at during snack and then lunch. He seemed to be okay with that.
my kids at that age loved getting notes in their lunch sacks. It seemed like such a small thing to me and to them it was HUGE, all 3 of them for several years actually. I had to write a different TINY note every day to each of them, they kept track. If i missed one day, I heard about it. : )
My son is the same way ...fresh ...fresh ...fresh. My mother suggested soap in his mouth - I said...."what about soap poisoning"........then she said..."oh please" Mind you...for my Mother to suggest any form of punishment alone speaks volumes.......then I remember when he was younger and he was a biter the Dr suggested using tabasco sauce. Just one little drop. I dunno though...still a bit harsh.
my kids at that age loved getting notes in their lunch sacks. It seemed like such a small thing to me and to them it was HUGE, all 3 of them for several years actually. I had to write a different TINY note every day to each of them, they kept track. If i missed one day, I heard about it. : )
My daughter was the same way. I wrote her a note every morning and "hid" it in her lunch sack and she loved it. She'd write me little notes back and "hide" them for me, or leave them on the counter in the kitchen to say, "Mom, please write me a note today!"
Why can't they stay little forever? *sigh*
aomething, sounds like it's going better for you, and I'm glad. Seems to me that your son just wanted more attention than he was getting, whether it be negative or positive. This isn't to say that you and DH weren't giving him attention, don't get me wrong, but his saying he misses you and Daddy when you're not with him just tells me that he needs a little extra attention now when everyone's home together. I think the picture in the lunch box is a great idea, and eventually, things will calm down and get back to "normal", I bet. Let us know how he does.
I just wanted to let you know how things are going with son. His behavior is getting better. We had a moment on Monday when he yelled at me and ran to his room and slammed the door. I spoke to him, calmly and we then decided that he could earn "points" for his behavior and if he's good for a certain amount of time, to be determined, then he will get to do some thing out of the normal routine. Not sure what that is, but he seemed to be okay with a point system. Yesterday, he was an absolute ANGEL! He gave me a hard time about getting dressed this morning for school, but then he was fine.
So, between, a point system and time outs and taking away small things, he's starting to behave better. We also signed the closing papers on our old house, so now we aren't as stressed as we were, so maybe that is what is making the difference? I hope so!
I put the picture in the lunchbox for him as well as a tiny note, saying "I Love You". He can't read well yet, but he knows the words I and You and Mommy, so I think he will understand. He might have to get some help from teacher.
Thankyou all for you suggestions and most have seemed to work, having adapted them to his personality.
I am so happy for you!!! Congratulations. Doesn't it feel wonderful when things work out so well. Keep up the great parenting and thanks for giving us an update.
I've made plans with a mother of son's best friend for them to come up to visit on Saturday. It's going to be a surprise! I think that will be a great reward for his behavior! We live an hour away from our old neighborhood, so it's been hard having to explain that we can't just drive over to so and so's house any more.
I don't like to say that I am rewarding him for his behavior, but to have him be so stressed out for so long, I think it might be a good thing.
It does feel wonderful when things work out!
Thanks!
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