Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My son, 7.5 yrs old and in 2nd grade, just up and hit another little boy yesterday while they were in the cafeteria waiting to be picked up and I have no idea what to do. Obviously he is grounded severely, although I haven't decided for how long. I made him pack up his Wii and Nintendo DS and he is not allowed to play with others or watch TV until further notice. He is doing extra home work (that I have given him) and is doing lots of extra chores all weekend too.
I think you all probably need some background on him though too. He has always been a handful and has a history of hitting. Kindergarten year was really rough. We went to counseling several times a month, consulted with the doctor but because he is sort of borderline ADD and Oppositional defiant, we did not go the medication route. This was agreed upon by me, my doctor, and the therapist. He will be great for months, then boom something like what happened yesterday happens. School is the same thing, he by far isn't the best behaved student but he has made a world of progress since Kindergarten. He will go weeks with perfect behavior, then have a rough week. He had some instances in the fall where he had to go to the Principals office, but has had a great last few weeks.
I know some of you will say I really need to lay down the law with him but I swear I do. If he does not have a good day at school or acts up with me, he is grounded that day. He very, very and I truly mean rarely watches TV or plays video games during the week and only when it is rainy or bad outside and he goes over to a friend's house, so he does not watch TV or play video games very much. I would say that I am stricter than most parents, probably because I have to with him. I watch what he eats, he does not eat junk for the most part although he does eat lunch at school usually and Thursday night we did go out to dinner and I let him have an ice cream sundae, but that is rare. We don't eat sweets or junk food on a daily basis.
My husband was killed in an automobile accident when he was 10 months old so he doesn't have a father figure in the house. I don't date much so there aren't any guys coming in and out of the house (actually he has never met any guy I have dated because I have never gotten serious enough with anyone). Both his grandfather's are very involved in his life, uncles not so much. He is around adult men at his friends houses and my friend's husbands though.
I rarely spank him but I do probably yell too much, but I have to say that generally at home things are pretty peaceful. Academically he is doing well, he has good grades at school, did well enough on his first standardized tests in the fall that they are considering him for the gifted program, will have the next set of tests done in a few weeks. I think he is smart and bright but I don't think he is "gifted" though I imagine he does get bored some in school.
The only thing different really is that I did start a full time job last week, so this was my first full week. But I did do a six week full time assignment in the fall up until Dec 30 though, so I don't think that is it. Before that I have been a stay at home mom. Even so I think if he was acting up because of that, that it would be during school not just up and hitting someone.
Anyway, so since I don't have his dad to consult with I really need some advice.
Has anyone ever hit him back? I think you're going to the extreme with the punishment. Do either grandfathers spend one on one time with your son? If so, do they take him fishing, or rides in a car, anything that would inspire thoughtful conversation? IMO he needs to develope a close relationship with a man who he can identify with and who will stay in his life for quite some time. Your son is obviously in need of activity with a mentor as well, maybe basketball, catch or anything that will enable physical contact (wrestling) with one of his grandfathers.
Have you ever thought of Big Brother for him? We don't have any programs like that, but the local university had a program that paired mentors with local schoolchildren in need of some companionship of that sort.
Consider martial arts training for him. A good martial arts program will emphasis self discipline. I've seen this work really well with boys that have the problems that you've described.
First I am so sorry for your loss. I would continue with therapy for your son and as golfgal suggested, maybe re-visit the medication route. He may need it.
Does he say why he is hitting? Maybe he is frustrated and can't communicate? Maybe the other kid was picking on him? What was the reason he gave why he hit?
Hmmm, so you think I might be going to the extreme with the punishment? I know that it is SO easy to go overboard and take away everything, his therapist did tell me to be careful with that. I think this calls for more severe punishment than just the day though.
I don't think anyone has ever hit him back. I did look into big brother before but they do not have the program in my county, never thought about a university or something else though. My dad sometimes does some one on one kind of things. They will go for walks, or work in the yard, not really things that my son would pick, but not really things my son would pick to do. I mean they will take him to parks, things like that. My dad will play basketball with him, my son just started this year and enjoys it. He also plays soccer in the spring and fall, although last year he broke his arm after just two games so was out for most of the season. His paternal grandfather will take him to parks, McDonalds, but generally they don't do much, often letting him watch TV or play on the computer too much when he is there. It has been a source of frustration for me that his two male uncles are not very involved in his life.
I need to look into other mentoring programs in my area. Thanks for the input.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses
Has anyone ever hit him back? I think you're going to the extreme with the punishment. Do either grandfathers spend one on one time with your son? If so, do they take him fishing, or rides in a car, anything that would inspire thoughtful conversation? IMO he needs to develope a close relationship with a man who he can identify with and who will stay in his life for quite some time. Your son is obviously in need of activity with a mentor as well, maybe basketball, catch or anything that will enable physical contact (wrestling) with one of his grandfathers.
Have you ever thought of Big Brother for him? We don't have any programs like that, but the local university had a program that paired mentors with local schoolchildren in need of some companionship of that sort.
I have thought about martial arts for the after school program but wasn't sure if it was really true about helping with discipline. There is one that will pick them up from school even.
Thanks for your condolences. It was hard, and I am sure some of my behavior after my husband died didn't help with him now. Looking back I see how depressed I really was and I didn't interact with him like I should have. I would generally just let him do his own thing while I would nap and watch TV and being an only child, he didn't have much interaction with other kids. But I am OK now and I am very involved with him.
Regarding the medication, if he was a clear cut case and this was going on every single day, I wouldn't hesitate. I am not anti-med but lets face it, the meds have side effects and my son does SO well for weeks, months even at a time. He doesn't have attention issues, he will read several chapters in a book. He might not want to on his own, but he will read them.
And the thing about the hitting, initially he told everyone that the boy hit him first but no-one saw it and later he admitted that the boy did not hit him and he says he doesn't know why he hit him. When I talked to him about it, it seems as if they were both doing their own thing and he just up and hit him which makes the whole thing a zillion times worse. I would feel a teeny tiny bit better if he hit someone back (not that it would ever be OK) but when I asked him if the boy was being mean or picking on him he even said no.
Grandson was recently diagnoseD with ODD. The medication has done him a world of good. Sometimes we wonder where the "real" Jess is.He is now doing great in school, making friends, all smiley faces on his work he brings home.
But that is the thing, 90% of the time my son is great and makes the right choices, does well in school, etc. Again, this isn't something that affects him every single day. If 90% of the time was a struggle, I wouldn't hesitate. I am just very resistant to medication at this time.
But that is the thing, 90% of the time my son is great and makes the right choices, does well in school, etc. Again, this isn't something that affects him every single day. If 90% of the time was a struggle, I wouldn't hesitate. I am just very resistant to medication at this time.
But how hard is he working at maintaining that control? I would hesitate to put a label on a kid that occasionally hits another kid. Are there other issues? I hate it when people say "boys will be boys" but honestly, boys will punch each other for no real reason--it's how they bond. Now, beating up a kid is a different story but if he just punched his arm and didn't really hurt him, I would chalk it up to him being 7 and immature vs having some "condition". That doesn't mean it is right or ok, just that it happens sometimes.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
